Home Birth and family bed advice needed « Back to Group Discussions

[RainGardenMama]

Hello Mamas,

I am quiet as a mouse on this forum generally, however I greedily read your posts and follow along with your ups and downs. To all of the mamas having a hard time sleeping and getting on these days, I am sending you much love and compassion!

Now I'd like to greedily pick your brains over something that has me confused. My son is 4 1/2 (actually, who am I kidding, he'll be 5 on 3/21). He sleeps either in our bed or in the twin bed we have for him pushed up next to our bed. He has his own bedroom and an additional twin bed. He's literally never ever slept in his own room. None of this is a problem for us in general.

Here's the only issue: I'd like to have access to my comfy wonderful bed during our planned home birth. I'd also like DS to sleep if he's tired, and I'm thinking he needs to be in his own bed. I have no idea what to expect of my desires while laboring at home, but want all comfort measures available. I previously gave birth in the hospital so this is new to me.

Do you all think I should try getting DS to sleep a few nights in his own bedroom before the birth so that if we transfer him to that bed it won't freak him out completely? Or should I just let him get woken up and if he asks to go back to sleep his grandpa (who will have DS duty during the birth) can facilitate getting him settled in there?

Thanks in advance!

[scruffy too]

Since no one has replied yet, I'll weigh in.  Please keep in mind I do not have any children (yet), nor do I really envision myself having a family bed.  So with that disclaimer:

I wouldn't worry about getting your DS to sleep in his own bed before your due date.  If you want to be in your bed, he can be on the twin next to it.  And if he's worried about you and can't sleep, maybe him and Grandpa can cuddle/sleep on the couch while you're in your bed.  Maybe you won't want to be in your bed at all. 

It sounds like trying to get him in his own room at this stage might cause him more stress than just playing it by ear during labor.

Again, please see my lack of credentials at the beginning of my post - hopefully some experienced mama's will chime in.

[cocoanib]

Hi there!

This seems like a hard thing to plan out for labor and birth.

We cosleep with our almost 3yr old. We also have an extra bed in the room(mattress) that floats around wherever and sometimes ends up in her room. I don't envision birthing in our bed, but next to our bed in our room. If DD, is asleep at that time and I am okay with it, I will go into another room with a bed. If I absolutely have to birth in there while she's asleep, DH or MIL can pick her up and gently move her to another bed.

I think it would be a rush to try and acclimate your son to the other room and bed during these last few weeks. I don't think there is enough time to get him comfortable enough to avoid a freakout. I would just go with the flow and have grandpa move him and be with him if necessary.

[veganyogamomma]

I would transfer him sooner and get him adjusted. My fear would be more that he would feel displaced by the new baby's arrival and that might make the transition to being a big brother more difficult for all of you. If you transfer him now, then that association won't be there.

[RainGardenMama]

Thank you so much ladies! I think all of your advice is sound. Scruffy- either your step mommying experience is really paying off or your have natural good mama instincts.
Cocoa- I will have a lot set up downstairs, like the tub for example. I keep picturing myself giving birth in our office/meditation room, I even dreamed of the birth in that room. That said, I just want everything AVAILABLE, ya know?
I like your plan and I think I am going to copy it.
Veganyogamomma- I am afraid for my clever boy it is too late. I am so annoyed with myself because I thought of this when we were trying to conceive and intended to implement a plan so there wouldn't be any sort of negative association with the baby. Oh well.

It's only one night and might not even happen, I could end up in the tub for all I know.

Thanks mamas for helping me sort this out!