Mindful Birthing book -- anyone else working with it? « Back to Group Discussions

[sky_and_lavender]

After our Hypnobabies birth, which was satisfactory but had its issues for me, I've decided to branch out a bit and combine resources as I see fit. I really appreciate the Mindful Birthing book, written by a CNM at UCSF. My husband and I are going through the exercises in the book as suggested. I already have meditation experience but I'm excited to see mindfulness taught specifically for pregnancy, birthing and parenting in an accessible, evidence-based way, in the vein of mindfulness-based cognitive therapy and mindfulness-based stress reduction.

I see Mindful Birthing as sort of a mid-point between Hypnobabies and Birthing from Within. It doesn't deny that birthing cdoes include pain for most women, but it also doesn't deny that the sensations we usually interpret as pain are not always felt that way to everyone. Mindfulness can help transform our experience of pain so that it is less upsetting and maybe not so painful--in the usual sense of the word--after all. I enjoyed the practical information and perspectives in the book.One thing I did not like about the book was that I felt it was not very heart-based. It felt more clinical than my homebirthing, crunchy Sufi tendencies would dictate. But I can add my own spin to this, no doubt. :)

I do find the recommended format of going through the book to mimic the in-person class with my husband a little clunky and awkward. I've read the book fully and he has to catch up. It would be nice if there were discussion points or something included for each week of practice. Anyway, we're just getting started. If anyone else is doing this, I'd love to be in touch and share experiences a little.

[littlegreenlady]

I was thinking of getting this.

I got birthing from within the first time and felt it did not help at all.

I think I'll get a copy of this one and check it out.

I like your description, though I know my husband will not be able to read it.

[staycalm]

I got this book too, but haven't read it yet!

[FarmerMomma]

I started this book and put it down somewhere. Mostly been reading little house series, since we finished black beauty. Yep, not my first babe. Been wanting to do a book club on here though. I'll see if I can locate it and share.

[kitteh]

I'm working through Birthing From Within right now, and see how it might not be useful for a first-time mom. Maybe if it was used in conjunction with the class/therapy it could help, but don't think I would have benefitted from it the first time around, because I wouldn't have known how to delve into the issues presented or how to work through them on my own. From my current perspective, I realize that I was harboring a lot of unacknowledged fear of labor--specifically of transition--that I just refused to confront during pregnancy. And, like a mold not exposed to the light, I believe that it grew beneath the surface and played a big role in stalling my labor for 8 hours when I was getting to 7-8 cm. (I also think that posterior presentation might have played a roll, but the fear didn't help!)

So I'm enjoying BFW, but am also looking for other books that will help take me beyond analyzing/processing my first birth experience and toward discovering a way for me to be totally present in the moment during my next labor--because one of my biggest problems is my control-freak nature and my desire to plan, anticipate, and look ahead. All of that is just to say that I think I'm going to pick up a copy of mindful birthing and see what it does for me, so I'll check back in!

Also, Sky&Lavender, if you don't mind explaining more about your first birth--why do you say your experience was "satisfactory but had its issues" for you?

[sky_and_lavender]

Kitteh,

My doula (who goes above and beyond regular doula duties pre-birth!) is guiding me through An Easier Childbirth, an amazing workbook focused on exploring past birth experiences, including our mother's birth experiences (and our experience of having been born) and cultural learning. The goal is not just an "easier childbirth" but also a better transition to (more) motherhood and the changes it brings. It involves a lot of visualization and making your own guided imagery, so for people who want a supplement or alternatives to Hypnobabies, it could be an option. I'm finding it worthwhile.

Even though I tried hard before my first birth to process all my "issues," it really wasn't possible. (I had had complex PTSD since childhood.) I was not aware enough even though I tried to be. I used Hypnobabies and was very faithful to the method. But all that general, not-made-for-me hypnosis and cheerleading I think helped me stay distant from my fears of motherhood. On the other hand, I had a pretty peaceful (externally, but inside I was hurting emotionally) homebirth despite that my resistance to/terror of motherhood probably prolonged my labor. Other circumstances (severe sleep deprivation--only around 2 hours of sleep a day due to RLS and PUPPPS for a couple of months prior to birth) didn't help. I don't know if I would have had as good an outcome if I hadn't used Hypnobabies. It was something to hold on to, and I held on for dear life! I guess on reflection that Hypnobabies turned out to reinforce my tendency to not insist on help when I was suffering. I maintained a calm exterior all along even though I could have used more support. Despite the challenges, and that I had PPD, I came out of my birth experience loving birth, though, and when I came out pregnant again, I was most thrilled at first about the chance to do it again! (I had never felt a lot of fear about the birth process to begin with, and I'm sure Hypnobabies helped to reinforce that.) I posted my birth story recently, in case anyone wants to read it. It's very long!

I seemed to have stalled around transition, too. I had terrible back labor for hours before I moved to my birthing area and I'm not sure if the baby's position was the reason, either. I think it was mostly my fear of holding that baby and being a mother. When the baby did finally come, I wanted nothing to do with her. I was tired and "done" and then I hemorrhaged (to everyone's surprise--it happened just as my midwife was proclaiming mine a "butter birth.") No transfer was necessary, but I was so exhausted and depleted going into motherhood. I trust this time will be different, at least because I am different now.

Edited by sky_and_lavender - 2/10/13 at 8:01pm

[kitteh]

Originally Posted by sky_and_lavender 

Kitteh,

My doula (who goes above and beyond regular doula duties pre-birth!) is guiding me through An Easier Childbirth, an amazing workbook focused on exploring past birth experiences, including our mother's birth experiences (and our experience of having been born) and cultural learning. The goal is not just an "easier childbirth" but also a better transition to (more) motherhood and the changes it brings. It involves a lot of visualization and making your own guided imagery, so for people who want a supplement or alternatives to Hypnobabies, it could be an option. I'm finding it worthwhile.

I seemed to have stalled around transition, too. I had terrible back labor for hours before I moved to my birthing area and I'm not sure if the baby's position was the reason, either. I think it was mostly my fear of holding that baby and being a mother. When the baby did finally come, I wanted nothing to do with her. I was tired and "done" and then I hemorrhaged (to everyone's surprise--it happened just as my midwife was proclaiming mine a "butter birth.") No transfer was necessary, but I was so exhausted and depleted going into motherhood. I trust this time will be different, at least because I am different now.

Oh that does sound interesting, and so important. So much of the stuff I've been reading right now and before my first birth just focused on pregnancy and labor, but then what about the stuff that comes AFTERWARD?! You know, the life-changing, challenging, 24-7 job of being a mother?

Yeah, I definitely didn't deal with that the first time around and didn't even realize that I would have an issue there. It probably didn't help that my first was a surprise and it took a while for it to really sink in that I was a MOTHER. If I'm completely honest I have to admit that I have some tendencies to kind of mentally escape and not be fully present for my daughter, and it pains me to recognize/admit because a big "trauma" from my own childhood stems from being ignored and essentially rejected by my father (I was his first-born, and he went on to have 7 other children, all of whom he has abandoned by now. Stand-up guy, that one.) I don't think I have ever really worked through that "stuff" and I hate to think that it is affecting my ability to mother the way I would like to, the way my daughter(s) deserve. The one thing I can say for certain is that I did a really good job of choosing a partner who is NOTHING like my father was, and my heart swells to see what an amazing, attached, attentive father he is.

I never thought about how all of those things could impact the actual birthing experience itself.

[veggieviola]

Originally Posted by kitteh 

I'm working through Birthing From Within right now, and see how it might not be useful for a first-time mom. 

kitteh, can you expand on why you think it might not be useful for first-timers?  One of the doulas we are interviewing is also a BFW mentor, and if we end up choosing her, I'm sure that philosophy will be a big part of working with her. From my preliminary reading, BFW seems to be more about emotional preparation than physical. I'm not sure how I feel about the "discovery through drawing and painting" aspect...since this will be my first childbirth experience, I am feeling (at the moment) like I want to focus more on the mental/physical preparation for labor. 

[kitteh]

VeggieViola, I didn't mean to imply that BFW wouldn't be good for any first time mama. I was replying to littlegreenmama's comment that she read it her first time and it did nothing for her. Reading through it now I can imagine that I might have skipped over a lot of the art and introspection stuff because I wouldn't have known how to analyze or interpret my own works, and I think the "therapy" bit afterward is the most beneficial aspect, moreso than just doing the artwork on your own. Now, if I had been working through it with a group or a therapist (or a great midwife) it could have been very beneficial. But now, in hindsight, I can clearly see that I was supressing a fear of transition. I read a lot about the physical stages of labor, but I wasn't confident about my birth team and I wasn't sure if I would have the support and encouragement I needed to make it through the worst. In the end, those fears were completely unfounded, but the damage was already done.

I think that BFW can be a great resource for any expectant mother with the assistance of a mentor or group, but i firmly believe that it should not be the only book you read to prepare.

[kitteh]

Just as an aside, I've been watching a lot of videos of flowers opening, and I can definitely see how this would be a great image to focus on during labor.
http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=HnbMYzdjuBs&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DHnbMYzdjuBs

[veggieviola]

Thanks for your perspective, Kitteh!

[littlegreenlady]

VeggieViola, this was my challenge with BFW as well. I feel if I had gone to the class or done the activities with someone else (preferably with some experience) I would have gotten a lot more from it. REading and doing the activities on my own did not have enough impact for me to remember and use them during labor. My fear had to do with pain. I was aware of it, but had no tools to work with. I spent my whole labor hoping for a moment of rest, because I was afraid of being in pain. 

I also agree with you ladies about preparation for parenthood/motherhood. I felt confident because I had so many younger siblings that I helped take care of. Yes this helped me with some basics, but I was at a complete loss with the rest of it. I took a birth class where they talked about diaper changing and swaddling. I'm sorry, but in reality that stuff is a joke. I think some of these classes should help us learn how to deal with the panic, helplessness, and shock that comes with this transition. These things are going to happen, but learning some tools that help us regain some sort of calm or self-assurance would be incredibly helpful!!

[amlikam]

I think BFW maybe forcuses on birth trauma too much, I would love for her to explore how sexual trauma or loss trauma is also a presence in birth quietly. If you are someone who creatively processes things it can be a great resource but I agree that as the only resource it might not be preferred. I instinctively did things kind of BFW without having read the book and liked to have prompts this time.

FarmerMomma  -  I love that!!!

I am thinking about the mindful birthing but I promised myself (as a "doula") that my job here is not to doula myself but to embrace the process in the animal state... basically anything I can do to keep me from being in the frontal cortex the better!!! (bc I over analyze all the time it seems.) So my reading is more on the fun side this time around, I have a solid support team and I have my own knowledge if I *must* tap into it.

[sky_and_lavender]

Originally Posted by littlegreenlady 

VeggieViola, this was my challenge with BFW as well. I feel if I had gone to the class or done the activities with someone else (preferably with some experience) I would have gotten a lot more from it. REading and doing the activities on my own did not have enough impact for me to remember and use them during labor. My fear had to do with pain. I was aware of it, but had no tools to work with. I spent my whole labor hoping for a moment of rest, because I was afraid of being in pain. 

I also agree with you ladies about preparation for parenthood/motherhood. I felt confident because I had so many younger siblings that I helped take care of. Yes this helped me with some basics, but I was at a complete loss with the rest of it. I took a birth class where they talked about diaper changing and swaddling. I'm sorry, but in reality that stuff is a joke. I think some of these classes should help us learn how to deal with the panic, helplessness, and shock that comes with this transition. These things are going to happen, but learning some tools that help us regain some sort of calm or self-assurance would be incredibly helpful!!

About the fear of pain, it seems like Mindful Birthing would be really good for that. It deals directly with this issue, and if one follows what the book recommends, one spends a minimum of 9 weeks learning mindfulness techniques directly oriented towards coping with pain/changing your relationship with the physical sensations associated with pain. I also really like the sections about how the most painful phases of labor are actually a minor proportion of the total time spent in labor.

About motherhood prep: I agree. I read so much about motherhood and its shock prior to even becoming pregnant, and I was afraid of the intensity of responsibility and feelings that it would bring. Even in all the literature on PPD, I rarely find stuff that gets to the heart of the experience. I feel like some kind of inner work, and maybe the kind of ritual/art work that BFW apparently uses (have only flipped through the book) could help, or even some cognitive therapy-type skills. But I feel like nothing could help more than being surrounded by other women who are in touch with the soul-shaping aspects of motherhood and have a language to express it. Especially for first time pregnant women, this almost never happens. Pregnancy is mostly presented in US culture as a consumer/medical experience. So alienating and false. At least that's how I see it. Mindful Birthing actually does touch on how mindful birthing perspectives can also help with the shift to parenthood. have a solid support team and I have my own knowledge if I *must* tap into it.

[sky_and_lavender]

Originally Posted by kitteh d I

Yeah, I definitely didn't deal with that the first time around and didn't even realize that I would have an issue there. It probably didn't help that my first was a surprise and it took a while for it to really sink in that I was a MOTHER. If I'm completely honest I have to admit that I have some tendencies to kind of mentally escape and not be fully present for my daughter, and it pains me to recognize/admit because a big "trauma" from my own childhood stems from being ignored and essentially rejected by my father (I was his first-born, and he went on to have 7 other children, all of whom he has abandoned by now. Stand-up guy, that one.) I don't think I have ever really worked through that "stuff" and I hate to think that it is affecting my ability to mother the way I would like to, the way my daughter(s) deserve. The one thing I can say for certain is that I did a really good job of choosing a partner who is NOTHING like my father was, and my heart swells to see what an amazing, attached, attentive father he is.

I never thought about how all of those things could impact the actual birthing experience itself.

This ws such a brave post, kitteh, and one that represents a good chunk of inner work. (I don't mean that in a condescending way, but in an admiring way from someone on the path of reconciliation with my past.) I'm sorry you were the daughter of a an absent father. Parenting with presence is definitely a big project for me, too. Sometimes it's just so hard to keep my heart awake. Anyway, sorry it took time for me to respond to your post. But thank you for adding it to the discussion. It meant a lot to me.

[dayiscoming2006]

So, would "Mindful Birthing" be a good choice for a Christian? Just wondering if it is new agey or anything? I really wouldn't like that. 

I have to admit I'm very excited to be having another baby, especially now that I know the gender and stuff. Everything is working out great. But, I keep remembering back to my daughter's birth and I had the most intense pain I've ever endured in my life with her. I really thought I wish I could just leave my body. With my first I had an epidural at the end so it was painful, but dulled. With my second, I had a normal amount of pain, but when I got to pushing, I felt relief and it actually felt good. With my daughter, the majority of it was very do-able, but then transition hit and pushing and it was just AWFUL! I actually said after that experience that I NEVER want to have another baby, but here I am. If I can't figure out some kind of method or something then I guess I'll try to create my own based on the ideas of visualizing, relaxing, having a mantra, last time it was "I can do all thing through Christ who gives me strength." Though, at the time, that was only a slight comfort since I knew I still had to go through it. I'm praying this time is more like my second birth where the pushing came as a relief instead of a horrifyingly painful event. Maybe it was because she was a little over a half pound bigger? I don't know. I'm also hoping this time having a midwife there will help. I didn't have any support last time except my husband and he was as good as he could be, but yeah. 

[sky_and_lavender]

Originally Posted by dayiscoming2006 

So, would "Mindful Birthing" be a good choice for a Christian? Just wondering if it is new agey or anything? I really wouldn't like that. 

I have to admit I'm very excited to be having another baby, especially now that I know the gender and stuff. Everything is working out great. But, I keep remembering back to my daughter's birth and I had the most intense pain I've ever endured in my life with her. I really thought I wish I could just leave my body. With my first I had an epidural at the end so it was painful, but dulled. With my second, I had a normal amount of pain, but when I got to pushing, I felt relief and it actually felt good. With my daughter, the majority of it was very do-able, but then transition hit and pushing and it was just AWFUL! I actually said after that experience that I NEVER want to have another baby, but here I am. If I can't figure out some kind of method or something then I guess I'll try to create my own based on the ideas of visualizing, relaxing, having a mantra, last time it was "I can do all thing through Christ who gives me strength." Though, at the time, that was only a slight comfort since I knew I still had to go through it. I'm praying this time is more like my second birth where the pushing came as a relief instead of a horrifyingly painful event. Maybe it was because she was a little over a half pound bigger? I don't know. I'm also hoping this time having a midwife there will help. I didn't have any support last time except my husband and he was as good as he could be, but yeah. 

I don't receive the book as being particularly New Agey--rather, it is remarkably down to earth, deals more with psychology and physical reality, not particularly with any other dimension. But it does come out of a sort of very sanitized form of Buddhist practices that have been used at hospitals across the country for relieving chronic pain and other issues. I'm working on incorporating the practices into my own monotheistic religious tradition and finding it very compatible. A big thrust of the book is dealing with our fear of pain, so the book might be useful for you.

The other book I'm working with, "An Easier Childbirth," might be useful for you if you want to process the fear of having a birth as painful as your most recent one, as a way of decreasing your stress and likelihood to get tense over it during the next birth. I'm sorry you had to go through that, and I hope the next one will be easier for you.

[dayiscoming2006]

Sky and Lavendar, thanks for the info and recommendation. I'm hoping I just stay calm and don't panic or anything when the time comes. I know that would only make things worse. 

[sky_and_lavender]

My husband and I have been working on the first two weeks of suggested practices for about 4 weeks. We're busy and it's hard to fit it all in. I ended up buying the audio guided meditations that go with the book (mp3s from CDBaby.com--cheaper than amazon), and while I didn't feel I'd need them, I think they do help us get into the practices.

One of my favorite things from the book, though, is the idea that every time you experience any kind of discomfort (anything from an itch to something excruciating), it is a good opportunity to get to know how you react to pain or discomfort and to apply mindfulness to it. In a weird way, this idea has actually made me feel grateful for discomforts, so I can experience them and apply the experience to birthing. Like I had a terribly painful sore throat and felt stuck, barely able to breathe without wanting to cry. I thought, "oh, there are some moments in birth when I might feel trapped in pain--the only way out is through patience," and then I applied patience to my sore throat and stopped feeling so obsessed with my discomfort. It gave me confidence in my ability to handle what comes up in birth.

[littlegreenlady]

thats great. I got the book as well, but have not had much time to read it. I got to the first time they are describing beginners minds and have been trying to focus on the moment when I remember. I also tried the being with my pain thing, though it was during minor discomforts (so far). So far I'm enjoying the practice