toddler behavior

[rioclaro]

Hi everybody!

I am very happy to have found a Waldorf forum.

My 3 year old tends to be very active in the sense that she cannot sit still.

We  joined one of this parent/tot at a Waldorf school and its beautiful place and the rhythm is very calm and peaceful.

They do circle time where everybody sits down, but my little one tends to run around throwing things screaming, which is not appreciated at all by the teacher and moms.

I have done most of the things such as redirect, asking to sit down which makes it even worst. Resulting in us just leaving the room for the time that the storytelling ends.

But when we get in the room she starts acting out, as soon as, somebody says dont do that she goes and does it even more.

She tends to get in everybody's business destroying and taking and throwing, from their hands whatever they have and I mean kids and parents.

I don't know what else to do I have done so many  time outs that it makes me sick and  its just not working out.

I thought being in this calm and peaceful setting would make a difference for my daughter.  I am thinking she might have hyperactive disorder. I understand that toddlers are active, but there are toddler there different ages that all sit down quietly.

And its not just at the Waldorf is everywhere, I bring her to a ball parent/tot and you would think she will like the activity, but she will just run around, taking the balls from other kids, opening doors, closets and and taking everything apart. We go to the library she takes all the books down, same at the supermarket.

It feels very lonely and it really hurts some of the disapproval looks of the mothers/parents give to her/me.

Any thoughts?

[Fortune Teller]

When is her birthday?  Just wondering if she 'just' turned 3, is 3 1/2, etc.

Has the teacher shared her thoughts?

Is this her first time in a classroom setting?  That alone can take getting used to, no matter the age.

Does this behavior occur in the home?

I know it's difficult not to do, but I wouldn't compare too much to other toddlers.  There is a WIDE spectrum of normal for this age.  I'm not saying it can't be a helpful point of reference to compare, but I wouldn't take it as a sign that something is 'wrong'.

I'm sorry you feel the sting of disapproval from the other mothers.  *hugs*.  That sucks.  

[enrooted]

First of all: When they look at you with disapproval - look them right in the eyes and smile.

This is your child and your child is perfect just the way it is. This is the most important part :)

Rather, than looking at what's 'wrong' with your child, concentrate on what's 'right' with her, encourage that part and it will help over the little bumps in the road :)

Now to the advice :P How long has your daughter been going to the new Kindergarten? Getting adjusted can take a long time. And I mean LONG. I have worked in a Waldorf Kindergarten for quite some time and I have met kids, that were a bit 'different'. I had a boy, who took almost a year to get adjusted. And then it was fine.

If it has been quite a while, maybe 1-3 months - do take the step and talk to her caregivers! I don't know, if you have yet, but 'proper' Waldorf caretakers ALWAYS encourage discussion with the parents and welcome parents coming to them and asking, if they feel, that something about their child needs discussing. Maybe her caretaker has an idea, or can simply calm you down and tell you, that everything is normal and your child is just very awake :)

Direct advice as to how to handle tantrums and the like - do not give your child consequences, that have nothing to do with what she did wrong. When she takes a toy from someone - have her give it back. When she hits someone - explain to her that it hurt and have her understand and say sorry. When she screams in a quiet setting - take her out of it, explain to her why she can not be loud at the moment and do allow her to return, IF she quiets down. Reward, when she makes right choices, don't make a big deal, when she makes mistakes - simply have her correct her mistakes. Consequences, yes. Punishment, no. She MIGHT simply be used to the attention she gets with messing things up ;) It's worth a try.

I would also strongly suggest, to NOT go into the direction of psychological testing and diagnosing, unless you really feel everything else has been tried. Attention disorders and hyperactivity are a diagnosis, that is VERY common and quickly made these days. Do NOT give your child medication, unless it is ABSOLUTELY necessary.

Try things like strict routines in her daily life, maybe go to an herbalist, try checking her diet and things like that first. MOST 'hyperactive' kids do not need medication, but lifestyle changes. Trust me, you do not want to start putting chemicals into your little ones body, unless absolutely no other way can be found.

And I want to finish with what I started with. Your daughter is perfect, just the way she is. I know it's hard, to shrug of disapproving looks, but it's the only right thing to do :)

[appalachiamama]

Yes, I would agree that there is a wide range what a a particular age looks like.  My daughter seemed much older when she was the age my son is now.  I would guess, knowing very little and not knowing you in person, that she might be overstimulated by what's going on, even if it's slow and peaceful.  My daughter used to run laps whenever we had company.  She is very sensitive to the energy of others.  You may wish to wait until she is a little older or try to give her some outside time before you all meet to burn off the energy.  Don't feel too worried.
 

[rioclaro]

Very warm thanks for the time and your comments I really appreciate this its very positive and gives me strength