I just want to say that while your parenting style does influence your kid for sure, they are also born with their personalities and you can't change them. I had a high-needs, poor sleeper and I just don't think she was able to be scheduled, influenced and nudged, yes, but fully scheduled no way. It does not fit her personality. I feel you as I felt the same talking to the daycare providers and other daycare moms who's kids had been sleeping through or maybe waking one time a night and mine kid was still waking 3-4 times a night. I don't think my AP style made her worse, I think it made her better
My brother and his wife had one of those easy-going babies and they could whatever basically, rigid schedule or go on a trip where the schedule was all shot and he took it all in stride. My DD would never
have been like that
I was lucky in that there is a wide range of BFing normal in my area from straight to formula to BFing for years and everyone generally thinks BFing = good so I didn't get any flak for nursing for 19 months from either side. I did get some questions about waiting on solids until 6 months from a few people (a lot of moms at least start cereal at 4 months), but I just said that was the new recommendation and with history of food allergies it really makes sense to be careful (and DD does have food allergies now even so!)
It can definitely be tough when you don't feel like you are with your people, but I think once you get past most of the rather touchy baby stuff, it gets easier to connect again. As others have said, some will take your different choices like you made those choices as a judgement on them when you are just doing what works for your family. That's sort of my mantra when talking about what I do is that it works for my family and that I will either say or imply that everyone should do what works for their family. I find that helps take the pressure off of some of those hot button baby issues (BFing, co-sleeping, etc.) with any but the most argumentative sorts.
So I definitely feel you, I second guessed my parenting often with infant DD, I think all new moms do, but now that DD is 3 I can look back with no regrets and I think I did a great job and I am sure you are too. Not saying I don't have moments of second guessing with my toddler, but mostly I'm confident now that I will do a good job and that it is ok and good to seek out help and advice when I get stuck. And you are definitely not being lazy BTW, you are going at your DD's pace as much as you can and I think that's great.