A Saner TTC-The Snow Moon - Page 3

[LilyKay]

SparkleMaman - Congratulations! You joy is literally spilling through your words !  That's it, if this cycle isn't the one, I ordering Guafenesin the day AF arrives.

Prescott - bummer about the rough AF. Hope by now the worst part is over.

So I'm not the only one that feels/imagines babies. Though I don't feel a baby's presence, I keep seeing DD playing with a baby, taking a nap with a baby, dressing... you know. I just stand there and can almost see them there in front of me.

I'm glad you guys liked the link, I generally weed through the articles and find inspiration of all the house tours. They also have thekitchn and the family section where they do tours from real kitchen and children's rooms..

mamacats - I LOVE reading and totally get your excitement. Knowing a book is in the mail on it's way to me makes me so happy and excited all day. Right now I'm reading (yet another) non-fiction parenting book. I swear it is like an addiction. "Bringing Up Bebe". I have to say I'm finding it better than I expected. I have three cultures affecting the way I'm parenting and most of the time I feel a little bit as an outlier here so I'm really enjoying reading her experience of being an American parent in Paris along with her analysis of American/French parenting .

AFM - I had a lovely weekend catching up with a good friend of mine. I completely forgot about the whole TWW. I even drank with her half a bottle of Rose before I remembered, wait, I'm trying to make a baby here. But it's no harm done seeing it's only 6 DPO and unlikely that any implantation occurred.

Wishing you ladies a great week!

[mamacatsbaby]

LilyKay: Getting ready to order some books today and I'm about to make a trip to the library . I know, it is definitely exciting! Nothing like cracking open a fresh book you're ready to dive into or going back through one you've loved on time and time again . I've been a total book addict since I learned to read and luckily DS1 is the same way . And I know what you mean about forgetting about being in the TWW. Sure would be nice to know if I can have an ice cold artisan beer or no! Stupid TWW .

Hope you ladies are having a beautiful Monday morning!

[SparkleMaman]

Thanks LilyKay!! I do feel ever so joyful I just can't believe I am finally pregnant!!

Wishing you all lots of and

[prescottchels]

LilyKay-you're the 2nd person I've heard mention "french style parenting" what does that mean??

[chuord]

Lilykay, mamacats - lol re reading, with the dizziness I couldn't read at length or night, this last week I read my first book in 4 years - it was so awesome! I've been substituting with audiobooks on my iPod - but just not quite the same. It's so funny the things you take for granted, but are so fantastic after a dry spell.

[LilyKay]

prescott - I'd say French-style parenting involves a bit of mild neglect and certain strict rules with freedom within the frame of these rules. I was also raised like that (albeit with not so much freedom). It sounds negative at first but it really isn't. I'm wary of giving examples American vs. French because I've never really lived in the States, but the impression I get from the blogs/forums/books/articles is that mothers in the states on average tend to spend a lot of time keeping children entertained with activities and put a lot of one-on-one effort. (The pictures of Christmas gifts/children's rooms astound me, I got a new toy once or twice a year). I was raised completely different (more French style). My parents did play and spend time with me but most of the time we were left to our own devices to entertain ourselves. I'd say also the Germans tend to lean towards UK/US style of parenting and a lot of the mothers in my group also complain a lot how to keep their kids busy. This sounds bad but I told them just ignore them for a while, it's good for them. They won't like it at first but if you hang in there it leads to a lot of creative play on their part. I was also raised with certain no-discussion rules and I do the same thing instinctively (bed-time, brushing teeth, behaving at the table... ).

I really like the book - it does not say everything the French do is better (especially when it comes to breastfeeding and natural birth), just provides an eye-opening comparison of sorts. 

[SparkleMaman]

Thank you all for the congratulations!! Beta yesterday confirmed it (that, and the morning sickness this morning) Never been so happy feeling like I'm going to vomit!

JustJenny Still VERY hopeful about this cycle for you!! I just have a feeling this is your month.

Just Jenny, LilyKay and Mamacats Sending you  tons of and to wait out the TWW and to Prescott as you are waiting to O!!

Wishing you all much love and oodles of babydust  I will continue to 'drop by' and check in, I know I'll see lots of good news!!

[prescottchels]

Thanks, Sparkle!! Many blessings to you for an easy and uneventful pregnancy 

LilyKay-that sounds similar to the RIE philosophy. I'm not sure where that originated, but they talk a lot about letting your baby play and entertain themselves while you do things you need/want to do and how that fosters independence and creativity, which I'm all for, and of course you still respond to them when they fuss or otherwise call out to you. I only learned about RIE last year and haven't been around babies much since I learned about it so when I was sitting for my friend's baby for a whole week I tried it out w/him a bit and I think it worked pretty well. I did some things sitting on the floor near him while he laid on the floor contentedly kicking his feet and sucking on his hands and when he indicated it was time for something else namely food & sleep I'd pick him up and put him in the sling so I could get a bottle ready and get him off to sleep then put him down in his bassinet once he was out. You can check out Janet Lansbury's blog for more info about RIE. She has some fantastic videos too! I just watching the philosophy in action. Babies and young children are so much more capable than we give them credit for. http://www.janetlansbury.com/

[LilyKay]

Sparklemaman - Do keep us updated!

prescott - Yes, it is very similar to RIE! I actually have been reading Janet's blog ever since I was pregnant. Most of the time she has really wonderful posts, like you say, about respecting and trusting babies, letting them play and entertain themselves, and most importantly, not jump immediately to help but offer them a chance to rise up to the challenge themselves. I can tell you from my experience with DD it is very good advice and really works, but it working mostly depends on how calm and in control I am. Most of the time that approach does not work is mostly because I am not in a good place (tired/overwhelmed...) and I am not communicating out of a confidence.  I really don't like that much how she's a bit negative about attachment parenting / baby-wearing and co-sleeping.  To be fair she has been respectful and did engage in interesting debates, and lately have toned it down. I just skip over those parts and read the really good advice... it is amazing how much babies can do for themselves if we don't interfere.

BTW, It seems a lot of these ideas came from a well-known child psychoanalyst, Francoise Dolto. She seems to have been France's Dr. Spock. I almost finished the book, and I generally like some of the French methods (mostly those ideas similar to RIE) BUT I was raised in a very heavily French-influenced school system and I did NOT like that. It is very tough and you are never good enough. Once I went into my American University, I relaxed so much. It is really funny that I found the first two years of Uni a breeze in comparison to the last two years of school.

oops - I feel I'm drifting from the topic of this thread, but hey it keeps me distracted from the fact that I am now 8 DPO and have started noticing a couple of symptoms. Actually DP has . My breasts have become larger and I seem to be in a bad mood all of the time . I know, I know, classic PMS. Must keep it together for 4 days before testing

ETA: So much for keeping it together. I went on the Internet googling YET AGAIN "8 DPO too early to test!". Even better I just checked my breasts in the bathroom at work to see if they are really bigger or just normal-before-AF bigger. 

Edited by LilyKay - 2/27/13 at 3:26am

[prescottchels]

LOL Oh Lilykay....   I don't think there's really a problem being "off topic" here since we're trying not to obsess over all things TTC. Yes! Let's talk about anything else, PLEASE! 

Glad to know I'm not missing the boat as it were w/the whole french parenting thing. I think one of my favorite RIE things is watching Janet serve the babies their banana snack. It's such a cute video. 

AF is just about ready to pack her bags, hopefully for a VERY long time   and I'm already ready to start BDing lol Crazy hormones! Or maybe it's the Maca I've been taking...Either way I have renewed hope and motivation despite such a tough emotional crash this past week. I was wondering if I was going to be ready and even want to try this cycle, but apparently I am 

Happy Wednesday everybody 

[JustJenny]

Prescott- I bet its the Maca, hee hee. It always made me want to jump on dh, lol. Glad to hear AF is moving out and your moving on  

Lilykay- I've got the crazies too. 9dpo here and I tested this morning. Negative of course. I've got myself all worked up after having cramping a few days ago and now no symptoms at all.  This is my 3rd cycle with my RE and my Zen-ness is disappearing. I just can't shake the feeling something else is wrong......

[mamacatsbaby]

Originally Posted by chuord 

Lilykay, mamacats - lol re reading, with the dizziness I couldn't read at length or night, this last week I read my first book in 4 years - it was so awesome! I've been substituting with audiobooks on my iPod - but just not quite the same. It's so funny the things you take for granted, but are so fantastic after a dry spell.

Oh that's fantastic chourd! What did you read? There's nothing like actually opening up and really getting deep into a book. The feel of the book in your hand, the texture of the paper, the smell. Love it! There's a magic in the ritual that all the e-books and such in the world can't replace IMO. It makes me to think that so many places want to go digital with their book inventory. No thanks, I'll keep mine the way they are .

prescott: Glad AF is moving it along and you're feeling ready to get going again. It really is a mess this TTC stuff .

JustJenny: Oh goodness, I hope you're wrong and there's nothing else going on. Still got my anyway. I wish we could peek inside sometimes, that sure would solve a lot of issues!

prescott and LilyKay: Yes, keeping the focus on something else is good for making sure the crazy stays down . So yeah, no off-topic topics really here methinks . On the subject of parenting, here in the US I think things have gotten way out of hand with children constantly expecting more and more, even when they have parents that don't cater to every whim and wish. They expect to be entertained, to get what they want instantly, and the whole world is out to get them if they're told no or if they have to wait for something . I don't blame the children really, I'm pissed at society at large about this "progression". Things could have been tweaked some the way they were when I was growing up sure, but we have completely flipped to a whoooole different channel and the kids are running the show, more or less. All their activities, needing to be shuttled back and forth, the playdate (I told ya'll I hate that word right? ), no real community anymore to check each other. Everybody's too freaked out to say anything to anybody about anything. It sucks. We've kind of been cornered into this situation I think where we're expected to find ways to keep our children entertained and busy or whatever. Kids don't go out and play at the park or play tag, get together and go exploring, ride bikes down to their friend's house, or anything, they're shuttled here and there. They think chores are some sort of devil-curse and not just a part of life. Whether we've realized it or not our kids are way too pampered. Of course I want to spend time with my children but the fact that I'm expected to be in their faces 24/7 is ridiculous IMO. And the lip-service these kids give when their parents ask/tell them to do do something is atrocious! Sure, we do want you to think for yourselves and give us your input but that doesn't mean you get to question and argue about everything coming down the parental pike . Also, I'm as "free-range" (hate that term too lol ) as much as possible but realistically, that's just not going down the way it used to; we're living in a totally different world and it's just not possible. Now, I'm not romanticizing my upbringing as there was a lot about it that wasn't so hot, to put it mildly. But, we've swung too far the other way. Aaaand, that's it for my rant-off . Really gotta get dinner going and DS2 wants to read about fishies and lobsters .

Hope you ladies are having a wonderful day!

[chuord]

Mamacats - I totally agree! When I wasn't able to read I found myself searching out good books from my teenage years to purchase for 'later' lol I even splurged on some first editions of Susan coopers 'the dark is rising' - I was around books and still enjoying the smell without being able to read lol... Many would say crazy😝 my dh and I both want a library room one day... Such nerds! The book I read was fairly basic a georgette heyer historical romance (similar to Jane Austen) ironically me, my mum and my aunt all read them - so never travel with our own supply but share. I'm planning on treating myself with a new book/direction at the store soon.
Re kids I agree, it's funny we had a very blessed childhood, I was looked after well (mum is a teacher) so we were educated prior to public school etc however, chores were for pocket money, and although we had nice things we were not bought brands for the sake of it... As a result I'm not pretentious (lol I think) whereas dh has a 'brand' addiction lol - so not happening to our kids!
Preschottels - woohoo on the end of AF and the beginning of the fun!
Hugs to everyone else - and patience lol

[LilyKay]

chourd - I wouldn't call that crazy. I LOVE the feel of fresh clean paper, of a new unopened hardcover. Sadly for space issues, I'm using mostly the kindle but there is nothing like a solid book in one's hand...

prescott - YAY for BD . I was also very curious about your microscope experiment. I think if we were to do something like this I would giggle non-stop like an idiot but I don't know anyone who has one and the insurance here probably pays for the test..

mamacats - I can tell you I had MAJOR issues with DP on how he talked with his parents. We had very different upbringings and German parents tends not to be as authoritative as French (they are more similar to the UK). I was horrified at first how he talked to his mom and would become furious all by myself  where as they both were fine with it. My father was the boss at home but he was fair. He would be silly/fun with us but when it came to certain things we all knew Dad & Mom are running the show here. And you know in retrospect, that part was really great because as a child, I felt safe & secure (even through a war). I really feel children need their parents as solid ground so they can take in life bit by bit. And I see that now when I'm unconvinced about my authority (like at first with brushing DD teeth), she'd fight back, make a fuss so on. Once I decided this a no-comprise issue and teeth will be brushed, she stopped struggling after a couple of days and just opens her mouth.

I also think of myself as "free-range" although in Europe it is mostly the standard.

JustJenny - I hear you on the crazy! The first chance I was alone yesterday I found myself peeing in a cup.. oops. It was like I was in a trance. Of course it was negative at 8 DPO. But I can't think of anything else. The not knowing is driving me insane. BTW, fun times explaining to DD why I just peed in a cup . I keep forgetting she is not a baby.

[chuord]

Lily Kay ' I really feel children need their parents as solid ground so they can take in life bit by bit' I totally agree and love it! That's exactly what I got 😃 (although I'm in Aus my parents came from uk) dh apparently got smacked if he spilt a drink - I think that's a bit harsh... I'm a klutz and accidents happen 😜

Afm - very exciting I poas opk, and yesterday was visible but not positive, today was + so sad when I see that as exciting, now just need to keep dh awake long enough for the fun part 😜
Edited by chuord - 2/28/13 at 12:38am

[mamacatsbaby]

chourd: Now you know I'm going to go look up Susan Cooper in a spell . Ooh, we would loooove our own library! And I agree with LilyKay, not crazy at all with the smelling books. That's one of the first things I do, ha! Yay for positive OPK! GL keeping DH awake. You shouldn't have too much trouble .

LilyKay: That's how we are, the way you describe your Dad: silly and fun but when it's time for business let's get it done! We knew our mom loved us dearly and we loved her back so, so much, but we got our assess kicked as kids. None of this "spanking" type stuff where you get a swat on the butt and a stern talking to. Uh-uh, nope. Belts, switches, whatever, we got it. Later in life before my mom died she would tell me that that's what she knew for discipline. She never wanted to hurt us and it tore her up to see us cry (this hurts me more than it hurts you; I only understood that once I became a parent!) But what she and her brothers and sisters got growing up, our corporal punishments paled in comparison. When I first became a parent I was all about the GD but as I've grown comfortable with and more sure of my parenting, mistakes and all, I just go with my flow and I come down when I need to, let go when I don't. We want to keep an open line of communication with our children definitely but we've got to have a strong foundation for kids to feel safe when they're out of control. You're right, they do need us to help them through this bit by bit and part of that is not being fun-time Mom and Dad all the time. Sometimes you're going to rail against me and hate me but oh well! You'll thank me later kiddo! Parenting is a messy, beautiful, crazy, heart-stopping ride that I could have never have imagined in all my most fantastic wonderings! I wish my Mom was still alive so I could thank her and just commiserate. Although I'm sure she's laughing at me somewhere . I often wonder about raising children in Europe as opposed to US culture. I've certainly had it up to the hilt with the nonsense I see here, ugh.

[LilyKay]

mamacats - I was only spanked (but only on the tush) but for the culture at the time, that was progressive . I've promised never to lay a hand on my kids because that's a part of my childhood I found a bit demeaning (and ineffective, my father's silent disappointment drove the point A LOT better). And my father later told me that they hated so much that with the rest of my siblings, they stopped all kinds of physical punishment. We seem to be in the same position though, I had DD after my mom passed away and I'm just brimming with a thousand questions (and apologies and I-know's) that I wish I could talk about .

chuord - yay for the positive! This month was the first time I try OPKs and I'll say it is nice to get a positive on something instead of all the BFNs!

AFM - 10 DPO.  I feel like I'm watching myself as an experiment: "Will she be able to keep it together and not test for another two days? Watch and find out."

[mamacatsbaby]

I totally hear you LilyKay! What we got around here would have definitely been considered progressive. I always used to hear "That's what's wrong with kids nowadays, not enough beatings!" from the adults around us. Uh, yeeeeah, okay then guys . It made me feel embarrassed and ashamed. It made me angry and I only cooperated when I did out of fear. Not really something I wanted to do with my kids, even though in my early twenties, a full decade just about before I even had kids, I just knew I would use the same type of discipline that I got . More of that cycle stuff that had to be broken ya know? As an adult I was never mad at my mom about our discipline or blamed her or anything; it's the best way she knew then and you indeed do your best with the information you have at the time. Even as a kid I wasn't mad after a certain period after being hit. She apologized to us later in life and even before I had kids I could feel, just from the child's side of things, how much it hurt her. My kids can drive me absolutely up the wall and they do on a regular basis but I told myself/knew/felt a long time ago that hitting our children is not the road we wanted to take. I can't say I've never thought about it but I know that it would be horrible for all of us and it just doesn't work. Doesn't do a darn thing. It's so difficult! We want them to question, be thinkers and good decision makers but they also need to know when to listen and that not everything is up for discussion aaaalllll the time. And yeah, mothering w/o a mother is so, so very hard. I still need my mom ya know? Her hard-won wisdom and guidance, her love. Of course you know . I find myself dealing with bouts of jealousy that my other friends still have their moms around. I know my mom is with me but to have her here in the physical would be amazing . Oh, and I so at your "Watch and find out.", haha. Got my and everything else for you lady!

[mamacatsbaby]

Popping in to give you some love JustJenny .

[mamacatsbaby]

Oh, I keep meaning to ask you prescott about your businesses. I've got quite a few ideas on how to start bringing more income in and I know that I'm going to have/need multiple avenues (I think you said you have multiple areas of self-employment?) I'd love to pick your brain a bit but maybe that really is too OT for this thread . Mind if I PM you some questions sometime?