Musing about birth/postpartum « Back to Group Discussions

[OtherMother]

Now that we're getting close enough to the birthing month that I don't feel foolish about talking about it/planning for it, I've begun to try to formulate in my mind what my birth will look like  :)  Of course, none of us know, but I think it's good to have a general script to go on, so you're not totally lost. Plus, I think it's great to have a place to work out some of our thoughts/concerns/worries about birth/postpartum.

DD was born in a hospital, with DP and my mother there. I hadn't packed my hospital bag   but we did OK.

This time we are birthing at a birth center about an hour from us. It's about two hours from my mother, or an hour if she's at work. I haven't decided exactly WHO will be there. Pretty sure DD will be there, and DP obviously. Part of me wants to make this more intimate (it will be, no matter what, with the smaller, quieter setting) and I doubt my mother could make it to the birth anyways from so far away- I think it's going to be somewhat quick. I think a doula could be helpful, and I'd love her to be able to take pictures- plus, I need to have someone on hand in case DD needs help with something/ freaks out. 

I have a feeling this is going to be a lovely, lovely birth, and probably just DP & DD will be there, with the possibility of the doula.

My main concern right now is postpartum. We have only 12 hours after birth at the birth center, with 4-6 hours being average. So, pretty much as soon as we're ready, we'll drive the hour home and hop into bed. I'm feeling anxiety about who will be "
on duty" for DD, since it is usually me, and I'm very much wanting to be free to sleep and cuddle with new baby for at least that first week. Of course DP can help, but I'm assuming he'll be exhausted and wanting to rest to, and he'll only be able to take a couple days at most off from work. My mother is wonderful, and will be coming to help for a couple of days most likely, but she hates sleeping away from home and has two school aged children to care for (plus she lives an hour from us.) I do have other family, but not so much that I'd want to come visit us postpartum. My MIL will want to come help, but that's dicey.

If I can find a way to swing a postpartum doula for after DP goes back to work, or a friend to come take DD to the beach or something, that would be the best  :)  As long as DD is happily occupied, I know we'll be good.

Phew. Nice to get that off my chest.

Your turn!

[FarmerMomma]

If I wasn't going to be having a baby at about the same time I'd love to take your DD to the beach. ;-). Mmmmmhhh beach.

[Quinalla]

Good idea, I've been thinking about this quite a bit lately, still have some details I need to work out with DH, but I've given myself until the end of February to do that.

With twins, I'm hoping they will both or at least baby A will be vertex. If so, then my vaginal birth plan is a go. I have been reading up on C/S a bit as I want to be prepared, but I'm hoping I can avoid it as I had a very positive vaginal birth in the hospital with DD and loved how easy my recovery was! I still need to confirm with my OB that she would deliver vaginally is Baby A is vertex and Baby B is not, either doing a external/internal version to turn B after A is out or just letting B come breech. All the research points to this being fine with di/di twins, but we'll see. I'm going to present it like Baby B may turn after A is out anyway, so what will she do in that case? And then from there if she can do that, why not just do that if Baby B is breech to start?

So ideally I will give birth vaginally in the same hospital as I gave birth to DD. If I go into labor on the weekend again, my OB said I may have to go to the other hospital they do births in as they may not be able to get up to my preferred hospital if they are already with someone else at the other one. I'm going to talk to her about that again too as my non-preferred hospital pissed me off with their pre-pay policy. DH and I need to figure out who will take care of DD while I'm in labor. My first labor was short, but no guarantee this one will be too. I didn't really need support for my first labor, though I'm glad DH was there, but I'm sure he will want to be there for the births so we need to line up a few people to take DD. After labor, I'm not as worried as DH will just take care of her as much as is needed, maybe calling on the same folks to watch her for a bit and then come get us at the hospital when we are discharged. DD will be in daycare if it is during the week, so I'm hoping to go in labor during the week this time to make it easier for DH.

For labor I want as few interventions as possible, though I will be ok with an IV (going to try for a heplock though) and EFMs again as they did not bother me last time, though the IV was totally unnecessary as it was in for 30 minutes maybe. I planned to decline this time, but I know they will want vein access with twins just in case, so again trying for heplock instead! I want freedom to move around when I want, though I did a lot of relaxing in the left side-lying position once I got to the hospital. I also want the option to push in a different position, maybe hands and knees, maybe side lying holding up a leg, I did the semi-reclined holding my legs back position last time and it was fine mostly, but I'm sure it made my tear all that more likely. I also had an involuntary body jerk at one point during pushing that helped turn her or get her past something and I think if I had felt more free to move I would have not had to do it that way.

Once Baby A is born I want skin-to-skin and to at least try to BF for a few minutes and to let the cord go for as long as possible, then DH hold Baby A until Baby B is born, then skin-to-skin with Baby B and trying BFing same with Baby B's cord, then skin-to-skin with both delaying all the initial stuff they want to do for awhile or they can do it while they lay with me. Then deliver the placentas as they will. This is assuming both babies are doing well of course. I did get all this with DD, so I don't think it is unrealistic. At the hospital, rooming in with the twins only sending them to the nursery for taking a shower. See a LC and hopefully getting BFing well established before we leave.

Immediate postpartum, DH is planning to take all his paternity leave this time (I think he gets two weeks), but he may space it out, but I figure at least one week at the start. He's going to be in charge of DD and helping with the twins too. My Mom will come whenever we want her, so probably after DH goes back to work I'll call her in for as much as she can stand. She's saving up vacation days for me and then will be off work in the summer (she works at a high school). DD will go to daycare 3 full days a week while I'm on maternity leave, so that will help, and I plan to take 16 weeks again, but I've left it open to shorten or extend a bit as it makes sense. I want BFing to be going well and for the babies to be sleeping decently at night before I go back.

Thanks for letting me get that all out, sorry for the novel!

[nstewart]

Thanks for starting this thread Othermother!

I birthed DS at the hospital, so having a HB this time will be a different experience and I don't know quite what to expect.  We will be attending a class that our midwife does for her patients in the coming weeks on HB so that should clear up some of my questions.

So, my plan so far;

We will be having a HB.  I've been on the fence about whether or not I want DS there, but am now leaning towards "no" again.  I think he's too young to "get it" and would just be worried about my moaning and noise making (I was pretty loud last time).  Also, I think it would take away from DHs experience as he'd feel responsible for handling DS, who can be a handful (witnessed this at my 20 week scan, DH felt like he totally missed out because he was so focussed on DS).  So I need to get "back up" for DS and most likely will ask my mom.  If I go into labour when DS is sleeping then I don't think I'll wake him in the middle of the night to go to my parents, but get my mom to pick him up when he wakes up.  The tricky thing is that I'm not talking about HB with my mom because she is so closed-minded about it (earlier in my pg we already had an altercation about this) so I will have to figure out the best way for her to pick DS up without her knowing we're not going to the hospital if at all possible.

At the birth then will be me (duh), DH, our midwife, our doula, and if she is in town our midwife's practicum student (she's been at all my prenatals but one so far).  I expect the labor to go relatively fast (it was 12 hours start to finish last time, with about 5-6 hrs active).  I plan to get DH up right when it starts this time so he can help me make up the bed, get towels organized, etc. when labor starts (last time I left him to sleep for the first 4.5 hrs as I thought it would be a long day and didn't want him grumpy!).  I will try to drink while in labor this time, as I didn't remember to last time.  I suspect I'll want to spend the first part in our bath tub, or even be in there through transition as I was last time.  Likely I will want dim light or candles.  I will just do what feels right and be open to positions and movements suggested by my MW or Doula as I was last time. 

For the pushing stage, I will likely want to squat.  I need to figure this out as I don't have a squat bar in my bedroom.  lol.  I haven't entertained the idea of a water birth but can ask my MW about being in the tub for this stage of labor too.  I needed the squat bar last time, but again, this time could be different.  I don't feel strongly enough about it to go and buy or rent a tub and kit, etc. and go to  the trouble of re-arranging furniture to make it happen.

I am hoping for a more "controled" pushing stage this time.  The nurse asked me to try pushing before I got the urge last time.  As soon as I started,  I couldn't stop.  My contractions were so strong and so close together that I was barely able to catch my breath between contractions last time.  I don't know if there is a way to manage that overwhelming urge to push though.  I was only able to stop myself from pushing for one contraction, enough that I didn't tear externally (but I did tear internally, I'd like to avoid that this time by labouring down more perhaps).

Postpartum, I want DS put on my chest right away for skin to skin.  I would like to start BFing right away as well.  I plan on just enjoying that time and as I'll already be at home, in my bed, I hope to just have a few very casual hours PP while babe and I get to know eachother.  DH will be able to hold babe while I get cleaned up and probably eat a giant sub or something like that.

This time, I want to delay visitors by at least 12 hours so I can sleep and just have some down time.  We'll see what feels right.  I think that I'll get DH to call people (my parents, his parents) to say that the babe has arrived and that we'll call when we are ready for visitors.

DH will probably take a week off work after babe is born (depends on the day babe is born, if it's a wednesday probably a week and a half kind of thing) and I will have DS in dayhome for the month of May (probably not full time though) so that I can sleep during the day when babe sleeps.

That's the plan so far.

ETA: I would also like music and aromathereapy this time, which were not options at the hospital.  Can anyone recommend some good oils/music?

[Lynann]

I had lots of plans last time for my HBAC that never happened. I had candles, music, my favorite juice from back home etc, but with only 3 hours of active labor I never got time for any of that. Last time labor started 5 minutes into the 1 hours drive home from the midwife's office the day of my 41 week visit. So we went to Walmart before finally heading home to pick up some food and give me somewhere to walk for a bit in air conditioning. Then when we got home we were more focused on getting DS1 fed and then down for the night and trying to get something to eat for ourselves then the bed ready that the early part of labor flew by.

This time we are going unassisted and planning on setting up a birth tub in the kitchen. I'm still debating having someone here for our boys, but really hoping for the baby to arrive either at nap time or after bedtime like last time. I like the idea of not having anyone else around so I don't have to think about modesty etc with using the tub. (I had a large long dress covering me last time, which won't work with a water birth.) I also want to just be free to listen to my body again for pushing. Last time I had planned to do hands & knees but 1 pushing contraction in that position and my body was screaming at me to roll over onto my side. So last time I birthed on the right side, which turned out to be a blessing as it only took 20 min and he had his hand/elbow up in the way. If I had been more upright and he came out quicker I would have had a lot more tearing rather than just skid marks.

We are on our own for postpartum too. My family are all in Scotland (5,000 miles away) so truly not available to just pop over if we need them. DH's family live about 4 hours away but totally useless and more work than help. DH will be taking at least 1 week off completely and then the second week he'll just work until lunch then come home. After that I'll be on my own. Fortunately our 2 year old is potty training right now, so he'll be out of diapers, and our 1 year old looks like he may potty train before this baby arrives too. They both still take a long (3hr) afternoon nap and sleep about 12 hours at night, so I'm hopeful I'll be able to manage on my own after the first 2 weeks. DH and I have talked about getting a postpartum doula/mother's help for a couple of hours in the morning Mon-Fri if I need some extra help once he goes back to work full-time, but we won't know until it actually happens.

[nstewart]

Originally Posted by Lynann 

I had lots of plans last time for my HBAC that never happened. I had candles, music, my favorite juice from back home etc, but with only 3 hours of active labor I never got time for any of that.

This made me laugh because the only thing in my hospital bag that got used before DS was actually born were the snacks I packed.  DH ate them. lol. 

I like the idea of not having anyone else around so I don't have to think about modesty etc with using the tub. (I had a large long dress covering me last time, which won't work with a water birth.)

I'm a very immodest laboring woman.  I could not get naked and into the tub fast enough when we finally got into our suite last time. When I got out of the tub the nurse and my doula kept trying to cover me with a hospital gown and I kept ripping it off.  lol.

 It's interesting to me how everyone reacts so differently to labor, and I do think being comfortable (whatever "comfortable" means for you) and being able to just listen to your body are the two most important things.

[PhilsBabyMama]

Maddox was born at a freestanding birth center. It was very nice and I had my midwife, my husband, my mom and my doula there. This time it will be pretty similar as we're going to my midwife's farm to have the baby (she's the only midwife that attends out of hospital births around here, but she'll only do them at her place, which is fine, but I'd have preferred to stay home.) but we'll have our little man to think about.

He's five and says he wants to be there, but I'm a little nervous that he'll be a distraction. One, he's a handful. I love him dearly, but he's always full of energy. Two, he actually may be just fine, but I'm afraid that I'll be too worried about him ( if he's scared, etc.) to get down to business and concentrate of birth. My mom will be coming up though, and if we do decide to bring him, she knows that it will really be her role to concentrate on him, his needs and how he's feeling so if he does get overwhelmed she can take him on a walk, a drive, or back home depending on the situation.

I think if we went there late at night, I'd just bring him with us and put him to bed in one of the two bedrooms that's in the little birthing house. He's easy to transfer when asleep. During the day, I could have a friend come and get him if we decide against having him at the birth.

The modesty thing was not a big deal to me at all in labor. Most of the time I just wore a thin white bra that was transparent when wet...which it was ,most of the time since I was in and out of the birthing tub. I just didn't care. I really trusted the people I was with, the birth center was warm, dark and cozy...felt like home.

As far as my plans for the actual birth, I'll probably do it in water again. This time will be nice, too, because if I want, I can actually go outside and walk! That was not really an option in Alaska during January, but it will hopefully be a nice day here in May. My midwife's property is pretty private and rural, so it would a peaceful place for a walk. I may end up wanting to nest inside, though, so who knows.

I drank a bit of Recharge (natural sports drink) while in labor last time, but am planning on brining coconut water with me this time. I will bring snacks, but suspect that, like last time, I probably will not want to eat.

My husband, mom, midwife and her assistant (who is also training to be a midwife) will be there.

Postpartum, I want baby on my chest for skin to skin contact. I do not want the cord clamped or cut for at least 2 hours. No Vit. K or Hep B vaccination. I'll have to ask, but I believe my midwife likes us to stay for 3 hours after birth. She then comes out to my house to do follow up appointments.

My husband should be able to take 10 days paternity leave. Unfortunately, it looks like he'll then have to turn around and leave the state for a month to do training with his brigade for an upcoming deployment. I can't really complain, though, because he will not be deploying with them, as we'll be moving before they are set to leave. We live about 7 hours from family, so I won't have to worry about obnoxious visitors descending upon my house but that also means I won't be getting much help, unless my mom can extend her stay. :/
Edited by PhilsBabyMama - 2/11/13 at 5:42pm

[CoBabyMaker]

This is such a great, interesting thread!  I love hearing what appeals to everyone and what they might choose differently from previous births.  it really makes me think back to labor about what I liked or didn't-which wasn't always what I expected.  For instance, I did NOT want music during my last labor but I still listen to the playlist I made.

Mine is a little different this time since I am having a scheduled c-section. I have had c-sections before but they were planned as natural, vaginal births (one in the hospital with midwives and the second at home) so I only partly feel like I know what to expect.  I know I want to have skin to skin in the OR and if for some reason that can't happen that I want DH to.  I know that we will skip the bath this time so baby can stay in the room with me the whole time.  We don't vax so we'll skip those too. 

Most of my thoughts and planning are directed toward the post partum/recovery period this time.  I want to make sure I have probiotics packed for baby and I.  I'll  bring lots of good snacks and some kombucha.  A friend of mine can hopefully bring me some homemade broth too.  I *think* that I will have DH stay at the hospital the first night and then be at home with the girls the second night as he doesn't function well without good sleep.  (Last time I could hardly wake him to help me at night anyway.  I wish I could sleep that deeply.)  I am a little concerned about the recovery period once we are home.  I was originally going to have my mom come out but since crap happened in November I am NOT comfortable with that.   DH will hopefully have the first week off and then I am on my own for about a week.  Hopefully DH can be flexible and work from home a bit the second week.  After that my SIL, MIL and niece will be done with the school year and can help me more with my older two.  I am just hoping I will have enough random people/friends offer to help that I'll be able to rest enough.  I'm also really hoping that since I won't be laboring, pushing and then having the c/s this time that my recovery will be easier. 

Edited by CoBabyMaker - 2/11/13 at 8:45pm

[Quinalla]

Originally Posted by nstewart 

Originally Posted by Lynann 

I had lots of plans last time for my HBAC that never happened. I had candles, music, my favorite juice from back home etc, but with only 3 hours of active labor I never got time for any of that.

This made me laugh because the only thing in my hospital bag that got used before DS was actually born were the snacks I packed.  DH ate them. lol. 

I was smiling at this too as I packed a bunch of stuff in the hospital bag and had DH bring the birth ball (though he left it in the car while he helped me get in to the hospital) and I never used any of it either until after the birth. Even then, I didn't use anything until the day after birth (gave birth ~6:20pm so I ate hospital food and then BF/slept/etc.), I was happy in the hospital gowns (I know, I'm the only person in the world I think who doesn't mind those things) until I was ready to leave. DH didn't even use the camera in there, he just used his phone. I'm still glad I had the stuff as it gave me peace of mind, but I didn't need any of it for labor

[OtherMother]

Loving all the responses!!! 

I am finding this to be a tough place to be, month-wise. I'm 24wks, and it's like, yes it's close enough to plan, but not close enough to really DO anything, and it all still seems so far away- yet of course, I can't stop thinking about it. 

I'm excited about moving closer to things actually happening, but I don't want to rush it, either (not that you can.)

I'm also in school full time, and feeling like I should've taken the semester off. I'm exhausted and my brain is NOT feeling academic. All I want to do is what I have to do- it feels like too much of a stretch. I'm always musing on how to drop the classes, but I don't think I can without incurring debt ...

Grr.  If I stick with it, I'll be done by mid-May. Right before babe comes.

[nstewart]

Originally Posted by OtherMother 

Loving all the responses!!! 

I am finding this to be a tough place to be, month-wise. I'm 24wks, and it's like, yes it's close enough to plan, but not close enough to really DO anything, and it all still seems so far away- yet of course, I can't stop thinking about it. 

I'm excited about moving closer to things actually happening, but I don't want to rush it, either (not that you can.)

I'm also in school full time, and feeling like I should've taken the semester off. I'm exhausted and my brain is NOT feeling academic. All I want to do is what I have to do- it feels like too much of a stretch. I'm always musing on how to drop the classes, but I don't think I can without incurring debt ...

Grr.  If I stick with it, I'll be done by mid-May. Right before babe comes.

That is tough OM.  My pregnancy brain has been acting up wickedly at work occasionally, so I understand.  Stick it out for the semester, you'll be glad you did! One less semester to do with a little one, which would be even more challenging...

[eepeepee]

It must be so different to be nearing birth having already done it once (or more).  Not only do you know what to expect (to a certain extent), but you have things from your previous birth experiences that you either want to do again or improve upon.  

It's tough for me because I'm approaching my first birth from a rather idealistic, optimistic place, but I still have that voice in the back of my head telling me to not get my hopes up for a certain kind of birth, not to be too inflexible, etc.  We're planning on birthing at a birth center, but it's affiliated with a hospital (which is across the street), and right now my biggest source of anxiety is the possibility of having to be transferred for whatever reason.  I don't have many friends who have had unmedicated births, and when I tell people (particularly people at work) that I'm planning one, they react like I've just told them I'm going to be crossing Niagara Falls on a tightrope.  It doesn't exactly discourage me, but rather I feel even more pressure to "prove" that I can do it, which may not be the best attitude to have.  It's hard to keep my brain on track and out of anxiety-ville sometimes.

In general, though, I'm just trying to focus my energy elsewhere: in practicing relaxation techniques, visualizing the kind of birth I want, compiling a birth playlist (which is already 22 hours long...), etc.  

Any other first-timers have thoughts on this?