First off, I'm so right there with all of you. DD is soon to be 23 months and lately the attitude has resurged in a big way. She's worst for me too but I try to take it as a compliment. She feels safe enough with me to "let it all hang out" lol and is on her better behaviour for dad. Working moms see this a lot where kiddo is an angel for 8+ hours at daycare and lets loose at home. It's not fun but shows how deeply we're trusted. I'm with you though, I'd much rather have a day or two without all that drama! Cooking dinner is an all afternoon affair because she has to "help" with everything. I've just resigned myself to a 30 minute meal taking over an hour to make but she loooves to handle the vegetables, put things in a bowl, stir the pot (with extremely vigilant supervision!), etc. She recently got her learning tower from Grampa (hand made with love) and now I can set her up with two bowls, some water and a ladle in the sink and she's occupied for half an hour - lets me do the cooking she can't help with, like cutting up raw meat. Yesterday I even got to fold her laundry as long as I handed her each folded item so she could slam dunk them into the basket. Sure they weren't neat but they were better than before we started. I honestly find her a lot more open to suggestions if she gets to handle real things and help.
Some days I'm ready to return her without a receipt though lol. I don't know where she gets this fiery personality. Both DH and I were easygoing as little kids and often my mom just looks at me to say where did all this come from?! I'm definitely a pick my battles parent but some things are not negotiable and that's where a lot of the earth shattering tantrums come up. I also can't wait for the spring. DD loves the outdoors but this pregnancy has me shivering half the time and I just can't handle outdoor play right now
Here's hoping we all pass some magical milestone (second birthday maybe?!) and the kiddos settle down a bit. I do have some limited success with "calm down honey and use your words. Mommy can't understand what you need.". Of course half the time I end up crying with her because of all these pregnancy hormones