The deeper I go in pregnancy the less I want a doula. I have committed myself to one who is also a close friend and apprentice midwife. (and unconventional RN). I thought she would be good to have since my midwives are 1.5 hrs away (assuming they got right in the car and started driving). Plus she knows my daughter, has seen me naked, has seen me pee on the trail when hiking..... Basically we are familiar in a a way I don't have to feel awkward about (not at this point anyhow). :-D
There was another friend which I recently said yes to but feeling now overwhelmed by another person. Plus my sister keeps commenting on how she won't make any flights because she knows I will want her at my birth. Really I am just not sure about that. With DD my whole family (ok most, 2 sisters, my sisters boyfriend and his brother, my dad, my niece, MIL and my BIL...) showed up to the hospital while I was in labor uninvited and I felt like a fish in a bowl. Mostly all tried to give me space but my sister who wants to come this time kept making comments of how I should just have drugs and when I finally did she was happy I was "comfortable". My other sister was good though and kept telling me that I could do it and she believed in me. But really no one offered any physical support except the hand and leg holding during the purple pushing Phase....
I'm conflicted because Sis could be helpful with DD but it can also be a way to push DH out of the picture and I really want him present. (emotionally).
So much to think about. As a doula I wish for every family who wants a doula to have access to one but I am understanding more and more why many people go it alone with just a care provider and DP. Such an interesting flip.
FWIW I can totally see myself surrounded in a circle of women and that actually helps me walk through my fear, but I think more in terms of a metaphor right now during labor. I'll have a juicy ritual beforehand bc during I don't think I want all those women blocking the hormones from DH and DD.
after this pregnancy they deserve to see momma blissed out and loving them. :-) not distracted by visitors.