Just found out Im pregnant with #4! Was not planning it anytime soon so quite the shock. A little history... #1 was born in a hospital 5 days overdue after a 5 hour labor non medicated and no issues but I was given an epsiotomy. #2 was a planned homebirth that turned hospital when I went 17 days overdue. He was a 1.5 hour labor, sunny side up and another episiotomy UGH but no issues. #3 was born at home, didnt have more then 2 midwife visits because she was 3 hours away but were in NC and she was the only midwife I could find and he was born in 48 minutes and my midwife did NOT make it. He was born into the water and I tore right over my scar. My midwife is no longer delivering here because quite frankly... NC sucks when it comes to homebirth. Im now faced with a hospital birth or UC. I would LOVE an UC and know I can do so and my husband is on board. Im worried about tearing though. I have a feeling I will tear again and have no idea what to do about it? Also do I do prenatal care myself like I did with my midwife or go to a dr.? Quite frankly Im not comfortable seeing a dr. in this town. I saw him once with #3 and when I refused a pap he threw a fit and told me "I cant pull your pants off and make you but by law you need to". I do have the option of finding a dr. in VA so I can use the oops, baby came too fast excuse though. Ive never planned a UC before so Im so unsure of where to start.
A few questions...
I don't know your state but a friend of mine birthed in Oregon UC and had to go in for help with a piece of placenta. She left the baby with her adult daughter and just was in the ER for a little bit and then discharged no trouble. I think the trouble starts when the baby checks in with you. If the baby is healthy and already taken care of so that they don't see it, there shouldn't be an issue. (unless your state is totally different.)
The oops option is a good one, I think, considering how fast you gave birth last time.
I'm here w/ you in NC, but not close to Va. The state mandated pap freaks me out in so many ways. I had a great home birth in Va. I would say if your partner is in agreement w/ you most of your battle is won. I've not had an episiotomy but would just research all I could on pushing (or rather not pushing) while crowning & go to the ER if it happened anyways but like the Or. lady, leave the baby w/ someone else.
Yes, like the other posters said, I would leave your baby at home after he nurses (should be fine for a few hours - they usually sleep after the first nursing anyway). If they give you a hard time about the baby's health, you can tell them that you'll be discussing it with his pediatrician.
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My last birth, which was also a UC, I did tear, but not on my episiotomy scar. It was at the top, next to my clitoris. which may sound worse, but it healed so much faster and easier than the episiotomy did. I had a lot of trouble resisting the urge to push, and near the end, all I wanted was to push as hard as I could to get him out as fast as possible, which is likely why I tore. There was a thread on this board (I think) that talked about how it seemed like women who had bigger babies were less likely to tear and it was thought it was because they spent more time in the birth canal which gives the mom more time to stretch.
Also, this is a bit of a side-bar, but is the pap really mandated in NC? That seems crazy, since legally, unless you're not of sound mind, no one can force you to have any kind of medical test/treatment/etc. if you don't want it. When I googled it, all I could find was that NC had mandated that health insurance cover all pap smears, regardless of age/pre-existing conditions/etc.