the transition from one to two (or more) « Back to Group Discussions

[littlegreenlady]

I remember thinking it would have been nice to hear from other parents what they felt was important before and after the birth of their first child.

after my little guy was old enough for me to think for a minute I started thinking of all the things I took for granted before he was born (going to the bathroom in peace being at the top of that list).

So now ladies, what would you recommend I try to squeeze in while I still just have one child. Oh and is there anything that helped you prepare for having more than one or that helped you once they arrived?

My son is 3 and can spend chunks of time entertaining himself. He sleeps through the night (for the most part), and he loves to make a lot of his own choices. He will not stay with anyone other than myself and my spouse so dates are not really an option :)

[Mama4life14]

Oh! Great idea for a thread! Was just thinking this the other day! Love to hear what kind of advice you get

[dayiscoming2006]

If you are feeling good, go out and do stuff as a family. Visit friends. I really didn't realize how easy having one was until I had 2. LOL

But, then there are things about having 2 that make life easier than just having one as well. Like they can entertain each other and play with each other. I really don't see having more than 2 as a big change. But, maybe that's just me? My third was no big change to the family and I suspect it'll be the same this time.

One commonality is there will be a time period with the newbie where you can't get out and stuff like normal. So, same for those expecting number 3+, go visit family and friends, do something fun as a family before baby comes and you have to slow down for a bit. 

[BabySmurf]

mostly just subbing - DS is starting the "terrible two's" phase, and while I am trying really hard to make it the "terrific two's" we have been having some rough times lately, and I have been seriously considering the wisdom of not stopping at one!!!

very interested to hear what would be some good things to do now, but also what things would be good to have around after we have a newborn AND a toddler in the house! And how to prepare the two year old for what's to come. looking at the May DDC, it totally sunk in just now that I have only about 12 weekends total until I am 38 weeks (which is my limit on the latest I want to wait before we have everything ready....)  What areas did your older children "regress" in?

[dayiscoming2006]

I would say for the child, going from only child to having to share mommy and daddy can be a small challenge, but I think if you just encourage the older child to help out and make sure you include them in things, they transition well. And once you have had 2 already, it's maybe less of a transition since they are used to having to share their parent's time.

It's nice to have a baby carrier for the newbie, so you can stay somewhat mobile to chase the older kid(s) if need be. Though it is synthetic, I like the My Brest Friend nursing pillow(I'm 5'8'.) It made it possible to get up out of where you were sitting while still nursing if you needed to. TV time, outside time(especially if you have a yard), and play time for the older kids. Go on walks, etc.

I mean, it's really pretty much life as usual, but you just can't be running around and doing stuff all the time, or at least, I really wouldn't recommend it. 

As far as regressing, I could see if you had just potty trained the older kid, they might get jealous or get ideas from newbie that they should still wear diapers too. I've heard of that before. If you are going to switch around anything like sleeping arrangements and stuff, I'd do it a bit in advance for them to get used to the new situation before having to get used to a new sibling. It's also good to train your kid(s) to have a little patience if you haven't already done so. Don't get what they want the second they ask for it or they will expect that even when you are busy tending to baby. You can wait until baby comes to teach that, but it might be easier to start before hand. And if you haven't already, teach your kid(s) to help out even if they are young, there are little things they can help with. They usually like it when they are little. 

[littlegreenlady]

I'm reading Siblings Without Rivalry. A friend and a mother of 6 recommended it as preparation and I've found it helpful when talking to my little guy about the anticipated baby.

Thank you Dayiscoming I'm gonna start working on some of the stuff you mentioned.

I am planning to get another smaller bed to sleep with the new baby in the same room. Mainly because I'm a bit nervous about my three year old rolling onto the new born during the night. We have a king sized bed (on the floor) so I don't think space is an issue. What are other peoples experiences co sleeping with more than one child especially at the newborn stage?

[littlegreenlady]

oh and I have a boppy nursing pillow, does the breast friend pillow stay on better because of the buckle. I was able to move from one seat to another as long as I was holding the pillow. Is getting the buckle one worth it if I already have a pillow?

[dayiscoming2006]

Originally Posted by littlegreenlady 

oh and I have a boppy nursing pillow, does the breast friend pillow stay on better because of the buckle. I was able to move from one seat to another as long as I was holding the pillow. Is getting the buckle one worth it if I already have a pillow?

I had a terrible time with the boppy. I tried it with 2 of my kids and it didn't work well for me at all, but if you have liked it in the past, it could be just fine for you. I do appreciate that buckle, it helps me because my lap is far away from chest and the boppy wouldn't stay up high enough for the baby to reach to latch on, so I'd always have to use another pillow with it and still had a difficult time. I also find the buckle makes me feel extra secure if I need to get up and move around. If you do get the My Brest Friend, make sure to get it in advance so it can off-gas. It smells terrible at first, but it is fine after a few days airing out, preferably a week. That why I tried to make the boppy work a second time, but it just didn't.

[holidaymama]

One kiddo was easier I suppose, but now that we are having number 3, I couldn't imagine when we only had one! LOL. I don't think anything was that different except that you just have one more person to bathe and put in the car, etc. I will say that since my older was almost four when our second was born it made it a tad easier. He could crawl in the car and I taught him how to buckle his seat. He also was old enough that I would take him and a friend to the park and they could play on their own while I tended to the baby or just sat and read a magazine while baby snoozed.

[BabySmurf]

Thanks for the advice! I think we are probably going to be fine too, lol! I find that I have intuitively been doing a lot of the things you mentioned.  More recently the "patience" thing...but that's more just because I need more time in the day!! The other thing I need to figure out is our sleeping arrangement...I cosleep with DS (with DH in his own bed), but the bed we use has rails and is small, so I can't really bring a newborn in there too...I didn't think that DS would want to sleep in the big bed because he loves "his" room and bed so much, but we were just out of power and heat for four nights, and he was happy having daddy close in a shared bed.  I just can't see it working long term all sharing a room together based on my DH's work schedule though....

I think I am mostly just paranoid since DS is a pretty intense kid...although he does love to help ;)

As for the boppy, I am on the tall side too, and it really didn't work that well for me either.  I liked it for tummy time, but for nursing it was almost useless without other support pillows....I just got used to nursing without it.  Now I'm curious about the other one with the buckle....

[littlegreenlady]

oh I forgot about that with the boppy! I did use another pillow for a while. I didn't need to once the little guy got bigger. I think I may have slouched a bit also :) I'm gonna see if there is a store I can check one out in nearby, sounds like a good thing to have.

I got excited to get out of the house today. It's been really cold and snowy around here. I used up a lot of energy trying to get us out and back before I had to start work at one. I ended up melting down and getting really nauseous in the evening. I can't believe how easily my energy is used up. I think a little forethought and planning will be helpful next time to pull it off.

[littlegreenlady]

I'm excited and wanted to share. I just found a breast friend pillow at a consignment shop for $10 It's got a pretty cover as well.YAY!

[dayiscoming2006]

^ perfect. :)