My kids are only 1 and 3 and a half.
what works so far is trying to figure out why my Ds1 refuses to do something that I expect from him.
a lot of time,s it is because we don't have good connection at the moment.
either because he is tired, hungry, overexcited etc.... or because I have inappropriate expectation.
For example, if he is in the middle of having fun with his toys, and I want him to get dressed and leave the house with me rapidly because I am late, it's not appropriate for me to expect that he will do it happily.I know that he will be upset. If I take a second to see through his eyes, I can understand that what I am expecting from him is very upsetting. He has to stop the fun he is having right now. He has to start doing non fun things and he has to do them rapidly.
So here what works with him in this kind of situations (but might not work for another kid):
I tell him: '' We are leaving the house now, come with me please to put your shoes and coat on''
he will usually say: ''I don't want to leave, I don't want to put shoes on''
then I would come close to him, at his level and calmly say: ''I know you don't want, you are unhappy to stop your play'' and hug him.
the fact that I acknowledge his feelings helps a lot to stop a tantrum from starting.
But i don't justify or apologize in any way, just acknowledge his feelings. I don't say: ''we you ahve to stop playing because this and that'' or ''mommy is late, so you have to do this and that''
he is too young for that and it only opens a door for arguing.
By avoiding explanations, the focus of the interaction is not on the event, but on the child,s feelings and on our relationship (the fact that i know how he feels)
it avoids power struggles, because the discussion is not about power.
I try to avoid bribing (and I never needed to punish in any way yet....but they are still young, I might need to do it later).
But what I use often, is something similar to bribing, in a more positive way.
I remind or inform my DS1 about another activity we will be doing later.
.....ds2 is crying....will be back