? about leaving w/o saying bye...

[Kerrie]

Whenever I leave and I say bye to DD she throws a fit, one time she actually threw up she got herself so worked up. When I leave and don't say bye she asks Dh where's Mama? He answers that I went shopping and she is fine with it. Am I doing her a disservice by just sneaking out? Everything seems to go so much smoother if I sneak. Any ideas of what I can do so that I can say bye or should I just stay with what seems to work? TIA!

[LoveBeads]

I think this is a purely personal decision and whatever works for you, works.

I always have to say "bye" but if it made my daughter throw up and sneaking didn't, I would slip out.

[steff]

I always sneak out. I give them all kisses before I go but I don't tell them I am leaving. It is more heartbreaking when they flip out and cry.IMO.
It is a personal decision but i don't think your doing her a disservice. How old is you dd?
Sometimes I say that mommy will bring a treat for everyone if she is good and stays home and than I ask what she would like. It works once in a while.

Steff

[beaner&tiegs]

Generally, I think it's a good idea to say goodbye, so there's not a complex about you leaving every time they turn their back, or a sense of never knowing when you're going to go. I've always thought of things like this in term of short-term solutions vs. long-term solutions, and though the long-term solution may seem more difficult at the time, I think it makes things easier over time, if that makes sense.

Are you able to talk to your daughter about why she reacts the way she does? I definitely agree that that strong of a reaction would make me want to slip out so who knows what the right answer is. My gut instinct, though, is to continue the route of openness, and try to deal with her strong feelings/reaction about it. If she feels that strongly about you leaving, is it possible to bring her with you when you're just slipping out to run an errand? Or wait until she's in bed? Or is that the same as slipping out unnoticed?! No easy answers, sorry, just some of my thoughts on the topic!

[mammastar]

It sounds like 'sneaking' is easier for your daughter, although I wouldn't call it that. It's probably just a phase and I wouldn't overanalyze (I know, you're a mum and that's what mums do).

In the meantime, you can play 'bye-bye' games with her, have a teddy or other toy say bye-bye "I'm going to work," or "I'm going shopping" - then the other teddy can say "Bye-bye, I'm going to play," and then they can reconvene after their activities. You guys can also play it together, her being the mommy and you the baby, that sort of thing.

But again I wouldn't worry too much....

[Kerrie]

Thanks everyone. Generally she gets upset because she wants to come with me. I take her almost everywhere with me so it's a rare occasion that I go somewhere alone and I really need that time to recharge. If I were to guess, I am away from her for about 1-2 hours/week max. Some weeks more than others.

[stafl]

you gotta do what works.
That would never work with my DD. I have to not only say goodbye, but tell her where I'm going, how long I'll be gone, and give her a big hug and a kiss. (I just love it when she says, "You almost forgot your hug" )
The only time I ever left without saying goodbye, she was nine or ten months old, and threw a huge fit as soon as she realized I was gone and didn't stop crying until I got back! I couldn't put her through that again.