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i feel like i should back off

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 
A long story short.
My son was a bit rebelious , ( excuse spelling ), at 14 took many days at school meating with teachers over behaviour and attitude . My son and i came to an honesty agreament , and it has been just my son and i with axcess with his sister at different points. His mother is a different story who i have never stopped her from getting incontact with her son but is showing interest now. My daughter on the othethand i have tried constantly to c , got little axcess now , again another story.
I always contacted other parentds and the rule was , unless my son gave me to days notice and phone numbers , and i had spocken to the parents he wasnt aloud out. I was driving away from home sometimes in the latter part of his school , and the added responserbility , my constant nagging , and trust seems to have paid off.
Now his in his first year college , turns 18 in april , asked me for some money for flowers for a girl , not a problem.
He still rings me up making sure its ok to stay out late on weekens , and i feel like we have a pretty good father son relationship , i dont drive away from home anymore but still do 14hr or so days.
The point im getting at is tonight something inside me changed. He rang me tonight and asked me if he could stay at this girls place , iv met her nice girl i think , i said give the patents number if its ok with them the ok. I rang and just spock to the mom and everything seemed ok , except for the feeling that hay im introuding.
It felt rong to ring and check up on my sons girlfriend mom that everything was ok. My son has been honest with me for a long time now , i dont want to destroy that. Yes im over protective , but im thinking the fact that he rings me should be enouth. .
Im thinking im over stepping , should start to rely on the trust more.
I dont want to loose my son by trying to hard ,
Thank you to anyone who would like to respond
post #2 of 8

Although he's not quite 18, he is apparently away from home in college. So, yes... I think you need to back off - and let him know that you trust his judgment.

 

I have two in college. The youngest (19 next month) calls me nearly every day. Which I appreciate - I like knowing about her friends, what she's doing, how classes are going, etc. Sometimes she asks me for advice, and then I provide it. But I would be very worried about her ability to be on her own if she felt she needed to ask my permission to stay out late on a weekend, or even stay at her b/f's. (Note - there is a difference between asking my input wrt I think it's a good idea, and asking my permission. Or my thinking she needs my permission.)

 

My oldest is 21, and I would be REALLY uncomfortable if he asked my permission for such things.

post #3 of 8
Thread Starter 
Thank you ,
he still lives at home . it soundd like our sercomstances are a little different. in saying that through the dufficulty we have had with everything , for my lad to learn how to use his natural talent , which is his amazing line of thinking he needed how to learn respect so he learn. Hope that makes sence.
In saying that , i think your right, its time for me to back off. Its not disturbing. My son has me , not much else in the way of suppotive family , the old saying dont bite the hand that feeds you.
But yes stand back i think might b best
post #4 of 8
Since he lives with you, he should definitely tell you when he expects to be home. And you are legally responsible for him if he is out after curfew. I don't know if all areas have curfews but mine does.

But he is on the edge of adulthood so it would be good to back off and let him use his judgment. Calling you and letting you know what he is doing (so you don't worry if he doesn't come home) sounds like a reasonable thing for him to do.
post #5 of 8

Okay - I didn't realize that he still lives at home. Still and all... When mine were that age and still home, we were past the need to ask my permission. We let one another know when we'd be getting home, and where we planned to be in case of an emergency. It was a matter of common courtesy. So yes, I did as I said and as I asked them to do.
 

post #6 of 8
Thread Starter 
He keeps me informed reasonably well about were he is and if he is going to be late , which i think is good, theres been many times were i hav been cort up wirh work i do the same. I think u ladies are right , time to stop checking up , and let him learn.
Thank you , its nice to bounce ideas and thoughts of , this is new and i apreciat it .
post #7 of 8

Now, I don't know what kind of conversations you all have had, but make sure he remembers that he is just as responsible for birth control as his g/f is. Frank, open conversations. Whether she's on the pill or whatever, he needs to protect himself.

 

Also frank, open conversations about drinking (or whatever substance) and driving. Hopefully he has that well driven into his brain already - it can be tough with college kids.

 

Good luck.

post #8 of 8
Thread Starter 
Sex ,drugs , relationships , girlfriends , true friend and many other topics are constant conversation between my son and i.
He is a clever lad , haha but he is also human i realisr that.
These and other topic of conversation im hopping i will always be abill to have with my son , but i supose time will tell.
Very important point , and thank you for bringing them up. Hopefuly i have been very strong with the point of being responserble for your own actions amongst other things.
Thank you again
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