Maybe I'm naive or selfish, but I am tired of people saying I can't do stuff anymore because I'm pregnant/about to start a family.
I just got off the phone with my mom and she was lecturing me about how I can't spend money because I'm going to have a baby. Seriously, I'm the most frugal person I know! There are few things that I really enjoy doing enough to spend the money on. That's camping and festivals. I was super bummed a little bit ago that I wouldn't be able to go to the Ren. Faire, Rainbow, or camping (outside of festivals) this summer because I'm going to be too preggo. Then today I just decided that I'm selfish and as long as I am feeling well (obviously won't know that until the time comes up) I don't see a reason why I can't do these things.
My mom's two arguments were money, which I agree if I can't afford it I shouldn't go. And that it's of no benefit to the baby. She said if I wanted to take the kid to stuff when it's two or three then she will fully support me, and help me pay.... but there is no reason to go when he/she is in utero because it's not going to know anyways. She scolded me that Im being immature when I responded "yes, but is it so wrong for me to want to do things?"
My mom was always "my life is 100% my kids," when we were little. That's completely awesome yet at the same time I'm not sure if it's healthy. Especially since her empty nest syndrome was/is really bad. I'm not saying that I'm not going to devote my life to my children but I feel like i have to think of myself also. I in ny way mean to blame my parents here, but I feel like a lot of my self sacrificial nature comes from watching her struggle with putting everyone else first. I thought that's what love meant when I was a kid, to try to make another person happy even if it makes you miserable.
I feel like pregnancy is actually making me a more selfish person. I look at myself in the mirror and think "this is the person I want to be for my kids." I want to set an example of strength, of confidence, and of love. I feel like if I can't embody virtues that I want to instill in my kids then I will be nothing but a hypocrite. I don't want my kids to have the guilt problems that I do, to have my insecurities, or my fears. Kind of like the "lead by example" thing. You hear the phrase that you can't love another person until you love yourself. Well, I kind of see that but at the same time I love this baby within me so much it's making me want to learn to love myself more.... To take care of myself and not just do what's easiest, or what will make others happy. I want be happy, and share that happiness with my children.
This turned into a lot more than "I wanna blah blah blah," but like anything else in life there is a bigger, hidden picture that would like to be addressed.