Anxiety? depression? I'm not sure what to do.

[20momoftwo]

I have a 2 yr old and a 4 month old. They are a week apart from being 2years in age difference. I am only 20 years old and neither of them we're planned. I miscarried August 2011 and my marriage was on the verge of ending in February 2012 when I found out I was pregnant with my 4 month old.
Lately I have been stressed, having trouble sleeping, not having energy, not wanting to clean things, when usually I am a very clean person. I can't sleep at night and if I do I can barely get out of bed in the morning. I feel alone, and like I have nothing, not do nothing, for myself. I feel depressed, alone and neglected. I didnt know alot about breastfeedng with my son and did for 6 weeks but stoppee making milk. With my 4 month old i was induced again, when i wanted to go into lavor on my own. i was home 24 hours after having her, and had my sons birthday party two days after coming home. My husband went back to work the day i left thw hospital so i was home with both babies alone. I breastfed for 4 weeks but my doctor gave me the estrogen birth control pills and told me theu were safe when breastfeeding. Needless to say my milk dried up. Now My husband and I fight constantly, a lot of which I feel is my fault. And some days I just want to disappear and live a normal 20 year old life. Not struggle through life ND school the wag I am. But honestly my kids are great and my husband isn't too bad.

Who do I feel like this? Is it ppd or am I just stressed? What can I do for it?

[justmama]

Obviously I can't diagnose you.  I'm not even close to qualified.  But you sound like you are pretty depressed to me.  When my depression starts, I tend to feel really apathetic about everything.  I don't want to go do anything but I don't want to sit at home doing nothing.  I don't feel sad, I don't feel angry, I don't feel happy.  I just don't feel.  I can't sleep but all I want to do is sleep.  I stop cleaning my house, I make the bare minimum of food for my kids, I don't eat at all.  I lose weight.  I stop wearing any makeup or brushing my hair and I shower less frequently.  And I don't usually realize it's bad until it's already BAD.  It sorta sneaks up on me and I realized that I haven't smiled in days/weeks and I'm dirty and my house is an overwhelming disaster and I've been avoiding everything.  

Have you spoken to your doctor yet?  Postpartum depression is far from a rare condition.  And sometimes just a little bit of help from a low dose of antidepressants helps you get over the hump.  You may be just stressed and overwhelmed but if this has been going on for a while now without change, it's time to get some help.  Sometimes we can't see how bad things have gotten until they are already a mess.  

[20momoftwo]

That's how I am. I take care of the babies but otherwise I don't want to do anything at all..... But at the same time I can't stay still. I don't know whether it's just stress or worse...... IM kinda afraid to talk to doctors cause what if somethings wrong? I dunno..... Just alone. My mom is 3 states away pregnant (which IM so happy for) my dad hasn't been there much at all. Divorced since I was 6 months old. I have no friends. I go no where with anyone but my babies. And to top it of school. Idk. Just seriously confused.

[pek64]

Focus on yourself, some. Fresh air, sunshine, and exercise, positive affirmations and positive visualizations can all help. Take the kids on a walk around the block at noon, or even earlier. Check what you're eating, and shore up any nutritional deficencies.

When you're not able to sleep, what are you doing? Are you rehashing past events, stressing about the next day, or just lying there. Check your pulse. Is it strong, like you've been active, or slow and relaxed? These are clues as to what is keeping you from sleeping.


Cherry juice is supposed to help with sleep. So does raspberry leaf tea. Traditional Medicinals is the brand I like.

[20momoftwo]

if I can't sleep I usually try to do homework or clean.... But lately most the time I just stair into space till I do sleep..... Then I don't want,to get up the next day...

[pek64]

And how is your pulse, when you can't sleep? If you lie in bed, resting, is it slow or strong and fast like you've been walking/working? Check your pulse during the day for comparison. Also, if you've been very active, do you sleep better?

[20momoftwo]

I haven't noticed It much but like now IM just sitting here and feel like I can't breathe enough and my pulse is going harder and IM light headed. I haven done anything to make it like that tho.

[pek64]

Originally Posted by 20momoftwo 

I haven't noticed It much but like now IM just sitting here and feel like I can't breathe enough and my pulse is going harder and IM light headed. I haven done anything to make it like that tho.

Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. I was catching up on stuff. OK. Here's what I think is going on.

If your resting pulse and breathing (either sitting or lying) then you could be having an adrenaline response to something. Probably something you are eating. The good news is, once you identify it, you can remove that food from your diet and get sleep without medication. The bad news is it can be difficult to identify and you may have to learn a whole new way to cook to keep it out of your life.

A food-sleep diary and elimination diet can help with the identification process. In the meantime, exercising before bed can use up some of the adrenaline in your system, making better sleep possible. The only alternative I know of is medication. But that will probably make you nonresponsive to your children during the night, and make cosleeping unsafe (if you cosleep).

There are books and websites about food allergies, if you want to research this on your own. I recommend The Food Allergy Cookbook, though I'm not sure it's still in print.

Common allergens are dairy, soy, corn, wheat, gluten, and a couple I can't think of right now. Check out other threads here about food allergies, behaviors, etc. SweetSilver also has food allergy experience. Believe it or not, but I have depression, along with nausea and vomiting, with my dairy allergy/intolerance. Don't be bothered by some people calling it an intolerance or sensitivity instead of an allergy. Not all food issues can be medically classified as "allergy" . That doesn't lessen the severity of your body's reaction, though

Good luck with this!

[SweetSilver]

Originally Posted by 20momoftwo 

I haven't noticed It much but like now IM just sitting here and feel like I can't breathe enough and my pulse is going harder and IM light headed. I haven done anything to make it like that tho.

A little bird pm'ed me to bring this thread to my attention.  I wasn't sure how much help I'd be until I read this post.  

I had some similar feelings of depression and anxiety after the birth of my second daughter.  Even after 1.5 years, I still cried so easily, I had no energy, and I had occasional symptoms like the one you describe above.  I did have noticeable environmental allergies, though, and that's what got me into the allergist's.  I followed up with a food panel that revealed many, many mild-to-severe food allergies that I hadn't paid attention to because they did not give me hives or noticeable swelling, so I didn't think I had food allergies.  I learned that, besides those obvious symptoms, lethargy, adrenaline rushes, confusion, frequent urination, and a host of other atypical symptoms can all be attributed to allergic responses.

The best news of all, once I eliminated the foods, which took a while, I suddenly had energy again and those symptoms of depression (in my case I suspected bipolar disorder, which my dad has) entirely disappeared.  I was still a sleep-deprived mama of two little kids, I still felt some isolation, but none of it *overwhelmed* me anymore.  Those moments like you described above were caused, for me, by a severe oat allergy.  I could not even think straight.  I did, however, have some symptoms that were clear to me when I look back at that time.  In my case I should have noticed I had  food allergies.  The lethargy and depression I could not and would not have guessed were connected.

Do you have insurance?  Shortness of breath is enough of an allergy symptom for you to get a referral.  I also can't diagnose what happening, so this is simply a suggestion.  In the meantime, keep a food and mood diary, and include those moments where your heart races, you feel lightheaded, etc.  See if you can notice any connection.  Almost any food can give you an allergic response.

As I am thinking further, are you still taking the pills?  They can have side effects of their own.

I sympathize with the breastfeeding situation.  I had very sensitive milk supply-- stress was a huge factor in reducing it, and birth control pills would have absolutely wiped me out.  They might be "safe" for breastfeeding in the sense that it might be safe in the milk supply (I don't know anything about that) but they are certainly not safe to the supply itself.