Calladona- IME, different women need different kinds of support in labor. some spouses just aren't able to provide the specifc type of support that their partner needs, and it's not that the spouse's presence and and the support they can give isn't important or helpful, it's just that mom needs a something in addition to it. My clients who have recognized this with acceptance and made it clear to me ("dp is my rock, but he's the strong silent type and I need someone to tell me it's okay," "dp is a get things done guy, but he's squeamish about seeing me in pain," "dp is super present and supportive, but he gets flustered easily and doesnt know what to do or where to go," etc) so I could help fill in the missing parts or provide gentle guidance to a nervous but willing partner, have been super happy with the support they received from their partner in the end, in spite of needing more.
So if you feel that may be the case with your dh, try to look at the money you have to spend as not just something to help you in labor for a short time, but something that can help you feel better about the support you get from your DH as well. That's huge, right? You still have left over feelings about it even now.
And I would also say that if you are just unable to get past the fee, look for someone who is certifying and charging less, and don't feel bad. Even if you feel you are demanding and a PIA
, it's good for a newer doula to experience that too. She can learn a lot from difficult clients. Every person I have helped has taught me something valuable.
I hope I didn't offend there! Written communication can come off as harsher then it's meant to be. And that wasn't meant to harsh or judgemental in any way