Ugh. It feels better getting it out there. Thanks for letting me vent.
Ugh. It feels better getting it out there. Thanks for letting me vent.
I know exactly what you are going through, so you totally have my sympathy! I'm 30 wks along with #2 who we are excited to meet but the pregnancy came sooner than we'd planned. My DS is the same age as your DD and also very intense and attached to his nummies. For some reason I still enjoy nursing during the day but I find night nursing just awful-the pain seems so much worse and I get incredibly agitated if he nurses more than 5-10 minutes. Sometimes I just have to get up and leave the room and then he starts crying and coming after me and I feel so bad about it. I've tried to nightwean a few times and it was a disaster, so I'm just trying to get through the next month and a half. I definitely feel you on the wild emotions. I don't always have as much patience with DS anymore and I just feel horrible about it, and I've sometimes been short with DH for no reason and I feel so bad about that too. Some days I'm just really down and I'm not really emotionally available to either of them. I've had those feelings of failure a lot.
I'm starting to accept that I'm in survival mode right now and am trying to make caring for myself a bigger priority so I can be calm for my family. It's hard because I love having a clean house and feeling productive and providing healthy from-scratch meals and I still feel some guilt over it but sometimes I've just had to lay in bed or take a bath or do some light reading while DS sleeps or while DH takes over for a bit on the weekend and it does help. And sometimes the opposite is true to-when I'm feeling worn down sometimes it makes me feel better to get a load of laundry in or organize something. I try to take advantage of the times I am feeling calm to give DS lots of extra attention and cuddles and that seems to help too.
It sounds like you are doing an awesome job and I so hope things get easier for you!
I am in the same situation and this is why I was terrified to get pregnant again, knowing how much of a handful my "spirited" toddler already was, and how sick I was during pregnancy before. I knew it was going to be too much for me to handle. I wasn't able to stay on top of the housework and healthy meals before I got pregnant, let alone have any time for myself. Now it's all completely out the window. And I feel awful for not being up to playing with my two-year-old and doing things with her, rather than constantly trying to put her off because Mummy's not feeling well. I planned to breastfeed for one year but she had another agenda and is not giving it up. But it is very draining and painful now. She knows I'm going to cringe when she nurses so she asks, "I nurse a itty bit peas?" How can I say no? So when I can no longer stand it, I tell I am getting sore and she has to come off. She cries a little but then cuddles up to me. I'm dreading taking care of newborn again while also having a high-need toddler to look after. I'm trying to be positive and not dwell on the anxiety this time but I feel overwhelmed and scared!
Oh boy I feel you. When I was pregnant with #2 I was so exhausted, DS1 was sooo high needs. He nursed so much. I night weaned him asap for my sanity but he still took hours to fall asleep, woke up several times a night and was up before the sun.
2 weeks after DS2 was born we found out DS1 has autism. Yeah that's not stressful at all. :-/ But at least we got an Rx for melatonin so he finally started sleeping.
Now I'm pregnant with #3. DS1 is 4 yo and DS2 is 2 yo. To say I'm exhausted is just a major understatement. I wanted to nurse DS2 through pregnancy but he weaned himself when my milk dried up.
But I can say from experience and for all of our sakes...this will pass, we will survive and it will be worth it.
You're right: I'm ten weeks and I feel like the worst mom but I'm just too sick to play with my two-year-old or even cook decent meals most days. She has developed a fondness for chicken nuggets and French fries that I'd hoped to avoid. And she watches way more tv than I'd ever imagined. :( On the days when I just can't keep my eyes open come 2pm I have awoken fifteen minutes later to find her curled up in a blanket on the floor asleep herself. But this is no good because she's not much of a sleeper and if she naps even a little bit during the day she won't go to sleep til after 9pm! So I try to stay awake and keep her awake to save the evening. But my "morning" sickness takes a sharp turn for the worse around 4 or 5 pm and gets worse til bedtime so evenings are a write off for me. Last night I dragged my butt out of bed at 8:30 after nursing her to sleep so that I could take a much needed bath. By the time I ran the bath, tidied up, made tea etc. it was 9:15. I was in the tub maybe five minutes, with a head full of shampoo when a bawling toddler came running into the bathroom distraught. Sigh. Dh was out. Guess it was a gamble. When I was pregnant the first time I took baths almost every night because it made everything feel better (and that's why I decided I wanted a water birth, which I didn't get but that's another whole rant...) and that's the crux of it and also why I struggled so hard with ppd -- all the things I would usually do to take care of myself -- journaling, long quiet walks, baths, meditation, even coffee with a friend -- become much less accessible when you have children who need you 24 hours a day. Unfortunately I don't have much family close by or available to relieve me so I just keep going. And going... Fingers crossed that you are right about it getting better in a few weeks. Last time my nausea didn't ease up until after 20 weeks and even then, I still got nauseous every day at 4pm! Here's hoping this time I'll get a honeymoon trimester.
Wow, could have written these posts myself last week. Big hugs to us all!! This week has been better for us, but I feel like things could slide back to where they were at any moment! It's exhausting being one on one with a toddler asserting their independence while still needing you so desperately at the same time! Housework and cooking have definitely slipped in this household...but I had to let go of that guilt. I had also been relying too much on the tv as a crutch for myself, but I got fed up and unplugged it the other day. best idea ever. i realized that it was hindering DS's and my ability to connect the way that he needed to, and causing him to melt down so much easier. it took a couple of days of intense one on one time to refill his "love cup" so to speak, and while he is definitely still a normal 2 year old, he is much more calm without the tv, and so am i.
I read something a while back that helped me out too about looking into your child eyes. whenever you are feeling overwhelmed and spent, just look at your child's eyes. the emotion in them will melt your heart in a millisecond and help ground you until you can take that time for self care that we all need to schedule. and actually scheduling it is important, because it is way too easy to let it slide in order to take care of something else. there just isn't enough time in the day to do everything that needs to be done....
oh, i just came across this article, and thought it was timely - we talk so much about helping our toddlers through big emotions, we forget that it's normal for us to have them too, and showing them how we can recover from them is so important!
Yay! I feel that toddlers do much better when we are down on their level, and I wholeheartedly agree that sometimes that tantrum just needs to happen to allow kids to hit the reset button. It's hard for so may adults to regulate their emotions and keep composure when they are upset, and we have had many, many years to practice those skills. Toddlers just need some practice learning how to manage those big, all encompassing emotions, and they need our support to help them know that it's okay :)
I have been looking at this website for ideas lately, and it's really helping me figure out how to set limits while still honoring my little guy for the intense toddler that he is. We definitely still have our good days and bad days, but keeping perspective and making sure we get some time for self care is SO helpful! ....especially since I seem to be on a crazy emotional roller coaster lately - I don't know if the meltdowns are happening because DS is going through something, or if it's all just totally me!
I hope your good streak continues!