Weekly Chat Feb 17-23 - Page 4 « Back to Group Discussions

[spughy]

I'm all for counterpressure during pushing - instinctively I think that will work better for me than perineal massage, which I don't want to do.  It IS uncomfortable and the study I read shows that it has some minimal benefit for first-time mothers but second time around doesn't do much at all.  I have some pretty major damage to my perineum already - I've discussed an episiotomy on the forward wall of my vagina with my midwife and we've agreed to take a wait-and-see attitude.  But doing the counterpressure myself...?  I can barely reach to wipe now, I don't see how that would be physically feasible.

Babytoes - really?  You feel BAD for not wanting to listen to Gangnam Style in your kitchen???  Reality check, sweetie -  NOBODY WANTS THAT.  Your hormones are just giving you the little honesty boost you need to admit that even from the most adorable child in the world, that's no treat to be savoured.

SamSarah - I asked my DD about the KinderSurprise marketing scheme yesterday after school.  To my surprise, she's all for it.  She agreed that most of the Kinder Surprise toys WERE pretty gender-neutral, but she said that every once in a while she would get one that was obviously a BOY toy and she would like it if there were random GIRL toys sprinkled in there too.  Given that she's never really had "girly" toys - the majority of her toys are science-related, stuffies, dress-up or rocks - I'm still a bit puzzled as to the very clear distinctions she draws between girl stuff and boy stuff.  WAY more than when I was her age.  When I was seven, my best friend was a boy and we played Star Wars at school.  And in other schools, my friends' kids play together (girls and boys) at "mining" (apparently smashing rocks to see what's inside... pretty sure I did that too) but for some reason children at my DD's school enjoy self-segregating, although DD and a few other girls do apparently enjoy chasing games - but it's all boys vs girls.  It makes me sad but I'm not entirely sure that it should, y'know?  I am POSITIVE that the teachers or the administration at the school have done nothing to encourage this, it's just how things shook out in this batch of kids.  And, fortunately, the distinction DD is drawing between "girl" stuff and "boy" stuff seems to be extremely superficial - largely based on colour-coding (ie, if a car is pink, it's for girls, the fact it's a car is irrelevant).  There are enough boys with long hair at her school that that's not an issue, and anything sciency seems gender-neutral by definition, and when we watch grown-up TV together (like, say, episodes of Bones where the majority of the scientists and lab people are women) she takes it as completely normal.  I think when she grows up, she wants to be Kari from Mythbusters. So I don't think I really have much to worry about... but the pink thing still rankles me a bit, I have to say.  I guess it's one of those generational things... equality to me looks different than it did to my mom, and equality to DD will look different than it does to me.  It's just... pink. 

Chapsie - love the moustaches!  So cute. 

And yay for babies!!!!  My hemorrhoids are definitely getting better now so I feel much more positive today and will actually get to go for a walk!  Of course it's raining and yucky out, but I'm choosing to ignore that.

[buko]

Aw, Chapsie, that's terribly sweet!  Nice to think my nerdliness does someone besides myself some good.  I have just always found this stuff fascinating.

In the moment...  I mean, who knows, but I keep picturing myself pushing on hands and knees/draped over the side of the birth pool, so I was thinking... how could I even REACH back there?  But then I realized, duh, I could do it if I reached in front/to the side of my belly, rather than behind my back.  Well... kinda.  But I'm not sure it will even be a real possibility.  Still, I like having it in my mind-- it makes a certain amount of sense and it's hard to imagine the harm.  Whereas I could see massage possibly inflaming tissue.  (Not to say it does!  But just as it makes intuitive sense that massage could "loosen things up," it makes intuitive sense to me that massage might alternatively cause problematic swelling.  But with just putting your hand there during crowning, IDK... hard to see any problem there.)

I suggested to DH that if I couldn't reach, maybe he could put his hand there instead.  He made a good point-- not being my own hand, it was unlikely to be as effective.  But I thought light touch from a hand I'd be very comfortable with might make some positive difference, vs. nothing at all.  Eh.  We'll see! 

[wildmansmom]

Yeah for babies!

EPO - I haven't taken it myself, but my sister took it starting at 37 weeks and didn't birth until 43 weeks!  Her water broke during a pelvic exam from a nurse.

Massage/support - I massaged once or twice during my first pregnancy but it was sooo painful that I stopped.  This time I'm massaging every few days and I've noticed that I've gotten very stretchy recently.  The massage doesn't even hurt (unless I'm doing it wrong?) and I'm much stretchier than I was my first pregnancy.  BUT, I've read that support, good pushing positions and controlled, gentle pushing rather than directed forceful pushing is the best way to prevent tears. I guess you could support on your own, but you would probably have to be sitting or squatting to do it.

Babies  - yeah for babies! 

No more cramping since Sunday.... not feeling so birthy anymore.  It's ok bc we are taking DS to the circus this weekend as his last "only child" adventure.  He's finally excited to meet his baby sister, but I want to spend the last few days I have really enjoying him alone.

Met another OB at the practice this week and was blown away when he agreed to everything on my birth plan (including no pitocin to actively manage delivery of the placenta and delayed cord cutting).  He also said he didn't have a problem with me going beyond 42 weeks but I would need to come in more often for monitoring.  I'm finally getting in a good place about this hospital birth (I was really hoping to go Birth Center and I've been very nervous about the ability to go natural in the hospital setting). 

[buko]

Wow-- what an awesome OB!

[scruffy too]

I'm with Spughy - I don't know how I'll reach my perineum during labor.

I had planned on massaging, but DP and I go to bed at different times, and the research isn't too concrete, and I can't reach comfortably. 

BabyToes - I HATE "Gangnam Style" - I only just heard it in December and it was because another gal in the office wanted me to validate her opinion that she heard "Condom Style" over and over.  So I listened, I COMPLETELY agreed with her, and I hate that song.  DSS, however, thinks it's the cat's ass and does the dumb dance all. the. time...  I have expressed to him that I think it's the least creative thing in the world, it's not even a real dance, it's just riding a horse.  And it is like nails on a caulk board.  Thankfully, it's never playing in my house, so the dance is all I have to put up with.

[Melany]

On the whole massage thing, my doc would do that before baby got too far down. You REALLY felt it when you were unmedicated, but I had no tearing and my daughter came out with her hand tied by the cord to her face. So, I think there was some good in what he did.

I'm actually not sure (I've forgotten) what my MW will do. She's very hands off and she typically encourages you to have baby in the tub, so it might be hard to reach in to massage. 

[SlimP]

LightForest and Buko, my midwife team belong to a hospital but they do cover home birth up to 12 days 'overdue'. I found them great before but the young midwife I've had my last few appts with is really pushing me regarding dates (I know my dates but she insists the scan is more accurate) and says the earlier they sweep the better my chance of a home birth.....and despite the fact that DH will be away for 3 nights after the sweep, only a couple of hours away but I'm not happy to take that chance! I cancelled my appt already and will see how I feel the following week. I really don't want a sweep but will submit to a couple of attempts if chemical induction is imminent. I don't see herbs and a couple of good quality supplements as intervention unless you have a perfect diet and lifestyle......which I fall quite shy of
Thanks for all the advice on EPO ladies. My main hope was that it would gently ripen the cervix with prostaglandins. I read that fish oils appeared to strengthen the membranes, leading to delayed breaking of the water so I am alternating them as I think that fats are important for brain development.

Yes, the perineal massage has no strong evidence but intuitively I feel lubricated tissue will stretch easier under pressure. I have a scar from directed pushing and an episiostomy last time so hope to allow my perinium to stretch slowly this time around. Regarding the counterpressure during pushing, DH already has instructions to apply a hot compress which apparently helps a lot. He'll know when I'm pushing and there is no way could I reach myself!

Chapsie, glad you enjoyed your birthday, your kids are adorable!

BabyToes, how is Gangam Style so popular? I'm confused and probably out of touch with the young folk but your tolerance level sounds bang on.

Spughy, ha ha, I bet the tooth fairy paid a good price for that!

[babytoes]

Originally Posted by spughy 

Babytoes - really?  You feel BAD for not wanting to listen to Gangnam Style in your kitchen???  Reality check, sweetie -  NOBODY WANTS THAT.  Your hormones are just giving you the little honesty boost you need to admit that even from the most adorable child in the world, that's no treat to be savoured.

Quote:

Originally posted by SlimP

 

BabyToes, how is Gangam Style so popular? I'm confused and probably out of touch with the young folk but your tolerance level sounds bang on.

Haha!! Oh Spugh and Slim you crack me up! 

[GranolaMama09]

Babytoes absolutely!  I'm such a bear lately to everyone I love but I'm still able to be super nice at work.  WTF? 

For those interested, here's the link to the 5 Love Languages quiz thingie.  It's fun to take it privately as yourself and then as your partner and vice versa.  :)

Oliver's bed arrived early and I got it picked up today.  I'm plan on assembling after dinner.  My diaper bag should arrive tomorrow so in theory, we're ready for baby as of tomorrow afternoon!  Work put me on leave a week early after Saturday's hospital episode.  ATM, my last day is Saturday but I asked for 12-15 hours next week because financially, I need it.  Here's to hoping they give me some!  We're in the midst of an ice storm (yay) so we're just crossing fingers that Ollie waits to show up!!

[sunshinelove]

I've never tried EPO, i just havent bothered with it. I didnt tear with DD, the fetal ejection reflex did all the work so i'm sure that was a big factor in maintaining the integrity of my vagina. My anus, however, didnt get so lucky. I have always just heard about vaginal tears, not anal tears so i didnt think it was possible. I discovered how painful it was to poop after birth and realized that there were tiny little tears near the surface of my anus They probably formed when her head was coming out due to the pressure of stretching down there. They were the size of paper cuts, which was REALLY painful but not something to see a doctor about. I put some neosporin down there for a few days (started with raw honey but that just wasnt cutting it, no pun intended) and it cleared up. I have no idea what would prevent that from happening again, if anything.

I like Gangnam Style, i guess i'm the only one here that does lol. I think its catchy and DD loves it too, she always dances to it when we put it on . Theres a parody of it i really like as well called "Mitt Romney Style"--you can find it on youtube.

[buko]

That's cool, Granola...  Although some were sort of hard to answer the way they were worded, because I might value one thing over the other, but I'm already getting that first thing, so I "wish" he would do the second thing more-- YKWIM?  IDK.  It was also heterosexist (if you're the "wife" you answer questions about your "husband"), but I guess that works for my relationship.

Still interesting!  I'll get DH to take it.  I scored very high on Quality Time and Words of Affirmation, and much lower on everything else.  DH's mom was big on (Giving and) Receiving Gifts, but my guess is DH would score high on the same things I did and/or Physical Touch, but not 100% sure.

[Chapsie]

Sunshine, I also like gangnam style. :).

my husband and I read the love language book during premarital counseling.  I am a words of affirmation girl for sure, with physical touch as a close second... Although being a mom and getting over-touched every day (from the inside and outside lol) has probably reduced that for me!  

[scruffy too]

I'm Acts of Service and DP is Words of Affirmation.  It's fairly obvious why we struggle with communication.  But I find it so interesting when it's broken down into the "love languages" because for me, words of affirmation mean nothing, yet for DP, they mean everything, so he's always showing me he loves me (in his language) but I don't hear it.  Likewise, I'm always doing things for him, but never saying words of affirmation, so he doesn't feel loved / wanted.  I wish I could get DP to read the book.  I read it and darn near through it at him and said "This will make SO MUCH SENSE to you about why were are the way were are!!!"  But he hasn't read it. 

[GranolaMama09]

I came out as physical touch followed by gifts.  DP is quality time and acts of service.  Both of us have to try really hard to remember to speak in each other's languages since they're bottom rank for the other.  Did that make sense?  Like DP's top two are my lowest two and vice versa.  I do agree that some of the questions were difficult for those very reason's Buko!

[cabbitdancer]

I have to admit that I love Gangnam Style. I think it's hilarious. And the artist who sings it is actually a Korean satirist, so all those parodies out there? Are parodies of a parody. ;)

I'm so tired. I know there was a discussion a few days back regarding restlessness in the middle of the night. Yeah. That hit about 4:30 this morning, and all I could think about was the discussion here. ;)

Baby turned last night, during a bout of hiccoughs, so I could feel her slow, counter-clockwise turn. She was still breech at my appointment, though. I'm finding the lack of urgency from my OB regarding this issue to be rather reassuring, actually. GBS negative, too. Huzzah! One less thing to worry about.

[ann030]

Thanks for the info about mom putting her hand down during crowning Buko, I think it's worth a lot. (I'm having a little trouble figuring out quoting posts on my phone, sorry if this is many posts later!!) I'll talk to my midwives about it at our next appointment. Tearing terrifies me and I've tried some perineal massage and I dunno, it doesn't do it for me.

[spughy]

Ann030 - a bit of tearing isn't actually as bad as you're probably imagining.  I mean yes, avoid it if you can, but you won't actually feel it happening, there's just too much going on.  Just be aware that if you lose a lot of blood during/after labour any tears are going to have a harder time healing.  Otherwise, most people recover from them pretty well.  But from everything I've read, the BEST way to prevent tears is to avoid pushing hard.  Get in a good position - whatever that is for you - and let your body do the work as much as you can, don't add to the force with extra effort.  My midwife is pretty sure the reason I got so messed up with DD's birth is because I lost SO much blood my body couldn't heal the tears, which were worse than they should have been because I was under pressure to push the little critter out WAY too fast.

On a completely different note - I was amused by Gangnam Style at first - my sister showed it to me a long time ago and I sort of said "Oh please every deity ever worshipped, let this be some sort of parody" and fortunately it was.  But 7 and 8 year olds? Do not understand parody.  At my DD's school's Hallowe'en dance they played it OVER AND OVER and it is very, very easy to get sick of it.  And when they're that age, the only lyrics they remember and sing are the ones in English which are, sadly, "Heeeeeeyyyyyy, sexy lady...." and then they laugh, because when you're 7, the idea of your mom (or your friend's mom) being a "sexy lady" is just HILARIOUS.  This is why the song no longer appeals to me at all.

Cabbitdancer, yay for the GBS negative!!!

[LightForest]

SlimP, that sounds so frustrating!! Is it possible to see a different midwife in your practice to get a "second opinion", and perhaps to discuss concerns that the other midwife is being pushy?

I agree with the others that the discussion about EPO, perineal massage, etc is extremely helpful! Massage has absolutely NO appeal to me (funny how some things are like that...) With DD, when she was crowning, I remember having NO interest in reaching down to feel her head. Would have broken my concentration and been so uncomfortable to physically reach down.

AFM - I'm trying my best to avoid getting panicky about money all of the sudden. Our housing association (a coop) is getting ready to have some windows replaced. It's going to cost $10K (in addition to our monthly assessment, etc) to get the windows in one room replaced. And later this year they're going to replace the roof, which will be another huge expense. OMG I'm freaking out just thinking about it. We're just barely getting our financial footing back after moving here back in August, and now it feels like that footing is slipping away again. DH is so cool and collected about it all - he knows that we just need to revise our budget and get financing to cover this big expense. My response is so much more guttural. It reminds me too much of the financial issues my family had (constantly) when I was a kid. Bla, those flashbacks are no fun.

In more positive news, I had my 38 week appointment this morning and everything is looking great. Baby is ROT but flops around constantly. I'm not going to let myself worry about positioning. I did that with my first pregnancy and it just created a lot of unnecessary stress for me. DH has kindly requested that I wait to go into labor until March 8 so that he can finish the class that he's teaching and turn in grades. This sounds reasonable to me . Hopefully baby will cooperate! I'm not feeling birthy in the slightest at the moment.

When we got home from the appointment, I helped DD to set up a box of her very own homebirth supplies with some items that match those that the midwife will use, plus a diaper, hat, and socks that she will be in charge of putting on the baby. She was very excited to show this off to dad when he got home from work!

[writermama12]

Lightforest, My baby is ROT too and moves all the time as well. It may be because of your positive attitude that I am also not worrying about it deliberately. I refuse to make myself stressed out. If he flipped back in breech or something, that might be a different story though. 

I have enjoyed the discussion of EPO and have decided to take it this time. This is the first time I will be trying it and taking RRL tea. I am also getting frisky with DH every day. I am ready for baby NOW (my body is totally done with this pregnancy business) so I am hoping any help I can give my body might signal to baby that whenever HE'S ready, he will be more than welcome to show up. I remember feeling slightly depressed and physically miserable when DS2 lasted until 41+3. For some reason, his timing and mine just didn't click. I am really HOPING this baby will come soon, like next week. Both my boys were born on the 28th (of March and of April) so we are kind of hoping this one comes Feb. 28. I would be just over 38 weeks. Crossing my fingers.

[SlimP]

LightForest, yep it is a bit frustrating alright but she is only 1 member of a team. So long as I don't get this girl at birthing time it'll be fine. She's just young and pretty inexperienced from what I can tell and she was obviously uncomfortable with DH and I stressing how little intervention we felt was necessary, although this team is supposed to be more flexible than the hospital it is part of.

That is worrying about your windows, holy heck they're expensive. If they have to be done, you'll find the cash somehow/somewhere, don't waste time stressing about financial issues.

For the record, Gangnam Style isn't the worst music out there but I have a fine appreciation for well-crafted songs and tunes and it saddens me that the masses adore one catchy riff with naff lyrics, even if it is a parody. Gawd I'm turning into my parents!

The 5 Love Languages sounds really interesting, I'll try to get DH to take the quiz with me over the weekend. Thanks GranolaMama.