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Vent thread. - Page 3

post #41 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by scruffy too View Post

I've been telling people that I just figured out this pregnancy thing and I'm in no rush to start figuring out the mothering thing.  Then there's an awkward silence.  I love it.

 

I'm getting bored with going pee all the time - not that I'm looking for suggestions to "spice it up", I'm just tired of spending so much time peeing!  (Again, not a very deep vent, compared to other possible problems - LOL!!!)

LOL at the "spice it up" comment!  Trying to think of something... But I got nada!

 

one of the positives of peeing all time is that I have a newly potty trained toddler.  Having to go all the time is a good reminder to sit her on the potty often, haha.  :)

post #42 of 102

I'm feeling a minor need to vent about DH's family.  They're crazy in an entirely different way from my own family's crazy, much as I genuinely love them.  Just hard to deal with their way of being sometimes, and DH, in addition to being a particularly sensitive boy all his life, has also been heavily influenced by me and my family for coming up on 18 years now, so it's tough for him, too.

 

The best words I can use are... denial, drama, two-facedness (as my mom's family would say), coldness, judgment, hypocrisy...  Well, okay, that makes it sound worse than it is, and they have some awesome qualities, too-- but it all comes from MAJOR insecurity.  Because their mom has her issues, but my FIL is fundamentally a bully.  How can you not feel majorly insecure when you're always being picked on... and you don't know what "mood" you're going to encounter in your parents from day-to-day? 

 

DH's parents have retired back to the Philippines, and there was some major drama between us last year (crazy, not started by us, though we could have theoretically done more to "prevent" it).  Anyway, we went to visit and cleared that up, at least in the superficial way his family does things, but maybe a bit more than that, as we mended fences that we really hadn't broken in the first place... but anyway. 

 

In general, his family doesn't stay in touch as much as you'd expect (or I'd expect, anyway).  Though there's not LOADS of communication on a regular basis, we are pretty cool with his younger sibling, who lives on the opposite coast, and his oldest sibling (to whom DH was always the least close-- also on that coast) does keep in touch by phone, quite a bit, if in an awkward, somewhat superficial way (but hey, I give props to the effort). 

 

Then there's his older brother, who is 2 years older than DH.  We have always been pretty close to that family-- and DH was his Best Man, DH is his oldest daughter's Godfather, I am his next daughter's Godmother (even though I'm not "blood!") and both my BIL and his wife (to whom I have been close) were in our wedding party.  We are definitely asking BIL to be one of Buko's Godfathers (most Filipinos have 2 Godmothers and 2 Godfathers).  

 

Okay, great.  Now, over the past 18 years of our relationship, BIL and his family lived about 1000 miles from us.  For 4 of those years, in the mid-2000s, we actually lived 30 minutes from him, and we especially spent lots of time together then (though before that, we also took turns flying to visit, at least a couple times a year).  In July, BIL gets a 1-2 year work assignment and moves out here, about 30 minutes from us (his wife and daughters are staying in their area for at least the school year, and he gets to fly back about 1x/month). 

 

Okay, awesome!  Except I have seen him like twice since he moved here, 7 months ago-- and once was when SIL was visiting and she and I coordinated a dinner.  DH has seen him maybe 2 additional times.  We invite him to all sorts of things, and he begs off... and it's not like he has a big social life (much at all) or really has to work crazy hours.  The last time we saw him was very pleasant... but it was in early December.  He sort of acknowledged-- of his own accord-- that he hadn't been touching base with us enough, and was all gung-ho about how he was going to be hanging out with us more, volunteered to babysit Buko once s/he is here, and then...  nothin'.  I mean, not even phone chats, emails...  Maybe a text or two when we have invited him to do something and he had some excuse.  He didn't come to our big co-ed family baby shower 3-4 weeks ago, saying he had to work (from 3-7 pm on a Saturday).  Thus, in fact, there was no one from DH's, even extended, family there (just my family/DH's friends/my friends).  Ehhhh...  knowing his job, his "having" to work seemed really unlikely, though I guess anything is possible.  Even if so, you'd think he'd then make an effort to see us separately after that, before baby is here?  

 

*sigh*

 

IDK.  I know how he is, and I know I'm a bit like this-- as an oldest child (he's not technically the oldest, but was treated like one), he likes things (like get-togethers) to be his idea.  And I think he feels a little insecure about his position, being away from his wife and kids, and possibly feeling weird about US being his "hosts," when he's more used to that position.  Plus DH is convinced that he now looks down on us a little, since we're being kind of hippie, and not so degree-and-job driven as his family tends to be... and we did luck out and, as of about a year ago, are living in my parents' house rent-free (though we do pay major utilities) for the next year or so.  (Since my parents retired elsewhere and weren't ready to sell the house, and my 24-y-o brother needs a place to stay while he finishes school, and they'd pay for his housing anyway-- he lives in the basement.)  So, IDK, it's like we're losers or spongers, even though we've always paid our own way before now, will do so again within a year or so, and didn't ask for this awesome blessing.  IDK if that's DH's own insecurity, but I wouldn't put it past any of his family members to think that way, either-- someone always has to be the "loser" in the family, the one they all talk about behind that person's back, and it's probably our turn.  

 

IDK.

 

But it makes me sad/angry/frustrated how little we've seen of my BIL, anyway.  I mean, get a clue.  We were literally in the hospital when his kids were born.  We made major efforts.  *sigh*        

 

Okay, just had to get that out.  There's a major contrast between DH's and my family when it comes to this baby.  Not that they don't seem excited for us on a fundamental level or whatever-- and not that my own families don't have their major issues!-- but...

post #43 of 102

Buko - I don't know anything about your family, obviously, but my DH's brother acts similarly sometimes and it's because he's depressed and can't deal with people (especially compassionate, well-meaning family).  You said your BIL's wife and kids aren't with him - is it possible he's feeling their absence more than you realize and just feels crappy and doesn't want to socialize?  Just a thought.  Sometimes men's issues come across as pride and snottiness when really it's depression and crapitude.

 

Scruffy - I too am trying to think of ways to spice up your peeing but I got nuthin' either.  Buy fancier toilet paper?

post #44 of 102

Yeah, spughy, I have been thinking that might be a factor, too.  I mean, I know at the very least that BIL feels awkward and a bit isolated, though he masks it with defensive pride.  It's tough to deal with someone like that, though...  at least when you combine it with the family culture of insecurity and denial ("I don't know what you're talking about, everything's fine!"), I mean... you just try to be laid-back and positive and welcoming and even so, it makes him feel dependent and weak, I think, especially since he's the "older brother."  I don't mean to say "suck it up!" because I've dealt with plenty of depression myself!  It's really more the denial aspect that's frustrating, but after 18 years with this family (more than half my life!), I should kind of know how it goes.

 

Perhaps I should remind DH of this possibility (of depression/depression-related-whatever-- and I know BIL has had periods of depression before).  Because I do think DH thinks this is largely about BIL seeing him as some sort of loser/weirdo and not wanting to associate too much with us-- but I think that's a much smaller piece of the puzzle than DH believes it is.  (See that family insecurity?  DH hardly escapes it.)  I mean, our being weirdo losers might be a superficial reason given to others, or used to justify his distance in BIL's own mind, but I don't think it's really about that.    

post #45 of 102

I think it's probably less about you guys being weirdo losers and more about you being possibly too open and accepting for his comfort level?  Just guessing - internet psychology is NOT to be trusted!  But it does sound a LOT like my BIL.

post #46 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by spughy View Post

I think it's probably less about you guys being weirdo losers and more about you being possibly too open and accepting for his comfort level?  Just guessing - internet psychology is NOT to be trusted!  But it does sound a LOT like my BIL.

 

Ooh, I find your ideas intriguing and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.  Tell me more...  Is it like "I wouldn't want to belong to a club that would have me as a member?"

post #47 of 102

ROTFLMAO.gif Yes.  Exactly.  But the subscription is only $19.99 and it will renew automagically!!!

post #48 of 102

I feel for you Buko.  My brother and I have always been really close, except the last 4 years or so.  The only thing I can think it could be is his current girlfriend.  I really get the feeling she's constantly judging me.  (Example: I'M really into gardening, but HER sister cross-bred her own spinach seeds that are slow to bolt, and a million other little things that make me feel like I'm not crunchy enough.)  It's like I'm constantly trying to live up to a higher standard or something.  I don't know.  But my brother's lack of involvement during this pregnancy is leaving me feeling unsettled.  I really hope he wants to be an involved uncle to his niece or nephew - and he'd be GREAT.  But like your BIL, he always has some sort of an excuse - I get that he's busy and has an active social life, but I was raised to make time for family and last time I checked, we were raised in the same house!!!

post #49 of 102

Buko, if your BIL thinks you're losers, that's one thing (though it sounds like that's not so likely). But if he's used to having things be his idea, or being more of the older brother... Maybe you should think about asking him to come help with something, rather than to a social event? See if that gets a response? "Hey, you know what, we're really trying to get this thing done, and could really use some help - any chance you could come by?" Maybe that would give him some sense of agency that he needs?

 

Scruffy, I'm thinking you need a treat every time you go pee. Go pee, get a little piece of chocolate. smile.gif

 

Okay, my vent:

-- I'm tired of this baby always pushing out on my right side. My whole right side (shoulder to knees) is just sore all the time now, while my left side is way better. And I think it's just because the baby pushes out hard to the right, so everything is more stretched and wonky on that side.

-- Baby has just started pushing down on my pelvis, and while that's only been going on for a week, I'm over it already.

-- The vicious cycle of always feeling a bit dehydrated, trying to drink tons of water, continuing to drink it at night because I feel like I need to, and therefore having to get up several times a night to pee. Why can't I just get enough to drink?

-- That beached whale feeling when trying to roll over in bed at night.

-- Feeling like I can never get as much done as I should, especially since I'm basically a housewife right now and have so many hours in my day to make things happen. Just like to add a little smattering of guilt on top of being tired and pregnant. orngtongue.gif

post #50 of 102
Quote:
Buko, if your BIL thinks you're losers, that's one thing (though it sounds like that's not so likely). But if he's used to having things be his idea, or being more of the older brother... Maybe you should think about asking him to come help with something, rather than to a social event? See if that gets a response? "Hey, you know what, we're really trying to get this thing done, and could really use some help - any chance you could come by?" Maybe that would give him some sense of agency that he needs?

 

Yes, thank you!  That's brilliant.  I was thinking of trying to find a way to make him feel competent and/or like getting together was "his idea."  That may very well work.

post #51 of 102

Oh, I hope it works! Let us know how it goes. smile.gif

post #52 of 102

Will do!  Funny thing is, though, he is generally a very social, very, very extroverted person.  Which is why we were sure he'd want to come to the shower, and the last thing he came to was a sort of mini-party at our house...  We knew he'd be more likely to do something like that than just have dinner with us and be a "third wheel."  But I still think your idea is even better.

post #53 of 102

I finally found the receipt for some some pants I bought 4 sizes up that I ended up never wearing during the pregnancy. I just got back from returning them and college students are so annoyingly rude and stupid. I'm walking in, 9 months pregnant and this barely 100 lb child in a college sweatshirt, I call her a child because I have some less kind words I'd like to use, makes this comment, "Ahhh! Look at her waddle!" 

 

Seriously? I did not smile as I gave her the look of death and she and her crowd of girl-children and the grocery cart of beer sped up and got out of my view as fast as they could. Perhaps they aren't as stupid as I initially thought, but just horribly rude.

post #54 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by Melany View Post

I finally found the receipt for some some pants I bought 4 sizes up that I ended up never wearing during the pregnancy. I just got back from returning them and college students are so annoyingly rude and stupid. I'm walking in, 9 months pregnant and this barely 100 lb child in a college sweatshirt, I call her a child because I have some less kind words I'd like to use, makes this comment, "Ahhh! Look at her waddle!" 


Seriously? I did not smile as I gave her the look of death and she and her crowd of girl-children and the grocery cart of beer sped up and got out of my view as fast as they could. Perhaps they aren't as stupid as I initially thought, but just horribly rude.

Ugh! What is up with people?

I didn't get any rudeness like that running errands yesterday but I did spend the day repeating to every cashier/store manager/random passerby 'oh, yeah, coming soon, nope, we don't know of it's a boy or a girl!' and my fave of the day, 'why yes, we did have the routine scan!' I'm continually amazed at how a belly makes people feel like there are no boundaries.

My other vent isn't about pregnancy per se, but I got grumped on by my mother in law today for a couple of things that we are doing to help her. And i'm feeling like a sponge and my joyously happy mood of this morning was replaced by her foul mood. I'm shaking it off though as baby is burrowing deeper down getting closer to coming out!
post #55 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by Melany View Post

I finally found the receipt for some some pants I bought 4 sizes up that I ended up never wearing during the pregnancy. I just got back from returning them and college students are so annoyingly rude and stupid. I'm walking in, 9 months pregnant and this barely 100 lb child in a college sweatshirt, I call her a child because I have some less kind words I'd like to use, makes this comment, "Ahhh! Look at her waddle!" 

 

Seriously? I did not smile as I gave her the look of death and she and her crowd of girl-children and the grocery cart of beer sped up and got out of my view as fast as they could. Perhaps they aren't as stupid as I initially thought, but just horribly rude.

Melany, I can so relate!  I was out at the mall yesterday and some teenage girls came up to me and asked: "due any day, now, huh?" and I said: "sometime next month" and they just started laughing and then walked away!

post #56 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by Melany View Post

I finally found the receipt for some some pants I bought 4 sizes up that I ended up never wearing during the pregnancy. I just got back from returning them and college students are so annoyingly rude and stupid. I'm walking in, 9 months pregnant and this barely 100 lb child in a college sweatshirt, I call her a child because I have some less kind words I'd like to use, makes this comment, "Ahhh! Look at her waddle!" 

 

Seriously? I did not smile as I gave her the look of death and she and her crowd of girl-children and the grocery cart of beer sped up and got out of my view as fast as they could. Perhaps they aren't as stupid as I initially thought, but just horribly rude.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chapsie View Post

Melany, I can so relate!  I was out at the mall yesterday and some teenage girls came up to me and asked: "due any day, now, huh?" and I said: "sometime next month" and they just started laughing and then walked away!

 

Youngsters, they have no idea!

 

Last week,  a man made a comment to me that was so silly that I just had to crack up.

I was walking to my car and he yelled out "Dang, You look like you're about to pop open like a sunflower seed!" blush.gif

Ummm, okay! Again, all I could do is a laugh ROTFLMAO.gif

post #57 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by cocoanib View Post


Youngsters, they have no idea!

Last week,  a man made a comment to me that was so silly that I just had to crack up.
I was walking to my car and he yelled out "Dang, You look like you're about to pop open like a sunflower seed!" blush.gif
Ummm, okay! Again, all I could do is a laugh ROTFLMAO.gif

What the...?! Thats a disturbing visual!! lol.gif This is kinda related--about 3 weeks after DD was born, i was feeling good enough to go for a walk when this man walked past me and said something like, "it looks like she cant break free!" with a huge grin on his face. As i walked away, bewildered, i realized he was commenting on how snug she was in the moby wrap. He was being an a$$ saying that she's still basically stuck in the womb and wishes she could "break free" dizzy.gif. People are clueless sometimes...
post #58 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunshinelove View Post


What the...?! Thats a disturbing visual!! lol.gif This is kinda related--about 3 weeks after DD was born, i was feeling good enough to go for a walk when this man walked past me and said something like, "it looks like she cant break free!" with a huge grin on his face. As i walked away, bewildered, i realized he was commenting on how snug she was in the moby wrap. He was being an a$$ saying that she's still basically stuck in the womb and wishes she could "break free" dizzy.gif. People are clueless sometimes...

Oh goodness! Sounds like, he really should have kept that to himself!

 

Bewildered is a good way to explain it for me too. It took me awhile to realize what my crazy guys comment was about.

post #59 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by cocoanib View Post

 

 

Youngsters, they have no idea!

 

Last week,  a man made a comment to me that was so silly that I just had to crack up.

I was walking to my car and he yelled out "Dang, You look like you're about to pop open like a sunflower seed!" blush.gif

Ummm, okay! Again, all I could do is a laugh ROTFLMAO.gif

Thanks, Ladies, I'm REALLY grumpy right now, but I love the Sunflower seed comment. I don't think I would have minded that one. :)

post #60 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunshinelove View Post


What the...?! Thats a disturbing visual!! lol.gif This is kinda related--about 3 weeks after DD was born, i was feeling good enough to go for a walk when this man walked past me and said something like, "it looks like she cant break free!" with a huge grin on his face. As i walked away, bewildered, i realized he was commenting on how snug she was in the moby wrap. He was being an a$$ saying that she's still basically stuck in the womb and wishes she could "break free" dizzy.gif. People are clueless sometimes...

I agree, people are clueless sometimes. 

Mothering › Groups › March 2013 Due Date Club › Discussions › Vent thread.