My 5yo told me that whenever he does something wrong at his grandma's house (their dad's mom), she says, "Did you learn that from your mom?" And that she never says that about his dad or stepmom or anyone else, just me. DS was indignant and angry. He told me about it because he knows it is wrong.
Part of me wants to verbally lash out at this woman. I told DS he needs to stand up for himself. I told him to tell her, "Don't say that about my mom!" with conviction and umbrage in his voice. DS thought this was a good idea, I suggested a few phrases, and this is the one he chose. We practiced saying it loud and clear. I feel the best way to raise my children is to teach them to stand up for themselves and speak their mind.
I would really like to give her a piece of my mind.