or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Single Parenting › deleted
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

deleted

post #1 of 15
Thread Starter 

.


Edited by fedupwithdrama - 2/18/13 at 2:00pm
post #2 of 15
Thread Starter 

.


Edited by fedupwithdrama - 2/18/13 at 2:00pm
post #3 of 15

If he wants a dna test, the court will probably demand it and hold you in contempt if you try to get out of it. You could in turn ask for a drug test but it probably won't mean much. It sucks but that's how it works. The baby is half his, he has rights. 

On the plus side, if he gets court ordered visitation you can keep track of how often he doesn't show up and that will look very bad on him. As will missed support payments.

post #4 of 15
Thread Starter 

.


Edited by fedupwithdrama - 2/18/13 at 2:00pm
post #5 of 15
I'm not in Canada, so I can't answer your question. In the meantime, you should look into a backup plan.

Other questions are : can the court order follow you if you move to another province.

Is moving possible for you?

Could you, would you, consider leaving the country? Deadbeat dads do that to avoid making child support payments. Maybe moms should start doing it to avoid drug addict dads.
post #6 of 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by micah_mae_ View Post

If he wants a dna test, the court will probably demand it and hold you in contempt if you try to get out of it. You could in turn ask for a drug test but it probably won't mean much. It sucks but that's how it works. The baby is half his, he has rights. 
On the plus side, if he gets court ordered visitation you can keep track of how often he doesn't show up and that will look very bad on him. As will missed support payments.

THIS. You're probably better off having him and your whole arrangement "in the system" because it helps you establish a very clear track record of him being irresponsible. Every time he doesn't show up, every time he misses a payment, you build that case. I think it's a very sad thing to shut a father out of the kids' life, but if what you've said is true, in this case, she's probably better off. And get things figured out for your child on the way as well.
He's just blowing smoke (hah!) about getting sole custody of the child. How in heavens' name is he going to establish that he's a better full-time caregiver for her? I've been around a number of divorce/custody battles and the only time I ever heard of mom not getting physical custody of the children was with one mother who (twice!) attempted suicide. And even then, once she proved she'd had counseling, she recovered sole physical custody of the children. I don't think they even see their father any more.
My BIL is currently involved in nasty divorce with his wife. The woman cheated on him, has her very shady boyfriend living in the house with her, taking money, she drinks to the point of excess around her children all the time and BIL was previously their primary caregiver because she worked. Still, it's looking very likely like she will be able to obtain sole physical custody and the way she plays, she's pulling all kinds of dirty tricks to keep him from seeing them even on a visitation level. (divorce sucks, btw)

So. All that to say. He has virtually no hope of getting sole custody, despite his dumb-azz threats to the contrary. I say give him his DNA test and then demand he follow through with court ordered visits and payments. Make him put his money where his mouth is.

And do your best for those kids. A good mom makes all the difference in the world. Love those kids and do what you can to not let their life be defined by having a dirt bag dad.

Best of luck.
post #7 of 15
Thread Starter 

.


Edited by fedupwithdrama - 2/18/13 at 1:59pm
post #8 of 15
Thread Starter 

.


Edited by fedupwithdrama - 2/18/13 at 1:59pm
post #9 of 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by fedupwithdrama View Post

So even if I'm in Canada? So a guy that a woman sleeps with walks up and says "I want a dna test because I think her child might be mine", they will just make the mother do one even if she has been with other people? 

Yup. Well at least in the US, I'm not in Canada so I don't know. But I have a friend who is a guy and has a daughter, is on the birth certificate and everything. Well come to find out she might not be his, the girls ex boyfriend wants a dna test and its looking like the kid belongs to this other guy so my friend is losing the daughter he raised from birth.

Quote:
Originally Posted by pek64 View Post

I'm not in Canada, so I can't answer your question. In the meantime, you should look into a backup plan.

Other questions are : can the court order follow you if you move to another province.

Is moving possible for you?

Could you, would you, consider leaving the country? Deadbeat dads do that to avoid making child support payments. Maybe moms should start doing it to avoid drug addict dads.

I would not recommend running from a court order, that looks very bad on the mom and makes it more likely that he'll get more custody.

post #10 of 15
I think that if someone claims a child is theirs and goes to the courts over it you have to do the DNA test. Plus it might be nice to know for sure who the father is.
post #11 of 15
Thread Starter 

.


Edited by fedupwithdrama - 2/18/13 at 1:59pm
post #12 of 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by htcmom View Post

I think that if someone claims a child is theirs and goes to the courts over it you have to do the DNA test. Plus it might be nice to know for sure who the father is.

Especially for the child. More of a right to know than "nice", really.

post #13 of 15
Thread Starter 

.


Edited by fedupwithdrama - 2/18/13 at 1:59pm
post #14 of 15

First, there really isn't much to put your kiddo through.  Baby doesn't have to go to court.

 

Secondly, start documenting how often he sees the child.  Go back in your memory as much as you can, and now start keeping a record.

 

Thirdly, speak to an attorney.  I would think that if not on the birth certificate, that you do not have to let him see the kid until he gets a court order.  That would be hardball though. 

 

Please remember that threatening to go to court is not the same as actually filing.  You can't refuse the dna test, really.  Courts will not consider him to be an unfit father just because he's a loser.  If he has a criminal record, your lawyer should be able to advise you if it is relevant to the proceedings, and if it can sway the court to order a drug test.  The drug test might not keep him from seeing her, but it might lessen the amount of visitation he can get.

 

Surely there are witnesses to how little he has seen your toddler thus far.  Get on the waiting list for Legal Aid- surely they have something similar in Canada.

 

Good luck.

post #15 of 15
Thread Starter 

.


Edited by fedupwithdrama - 2/18/13 at 1:59pm
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Single Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Single Parenting › deleted