Yep. I said it last night. It was triggered by DH and I getting into a stupid fight about nothing, and me getting all worked up and thinking, "WTH am I even doing? If we can't even get along, what business do we have making a baby!?!" And then I thought about saying to DH, "It's not too late for a miscarriage?!?! Maybe that would be best!" I didn't say that out loud, but thinking those things made me even MORE upset, because I was sure the baby could feel those thoughts, and what if I DID have a miscarriage, because my baby thought it was unwanted?? Plus I know I'm supposed to be staying calm and peaceful as much as possible, but that is just not happening as well as I would like, and I was clearly VERY worked up already. Then add in that I haven't been eating perfectly, because everything seems gross, and what I can stomach is not always the best choice. So, I bawled my eyes out last night, because:
1. I am stunting my baby intellectually by being so stressed out and worked up.
2. I am causing my baby to develop diabetes by not eating whole grains, fruits, and veggies exclusively.
3. My baby thinks I don't want it, and if I do have a miscarriage it will be my fault, and if I don't, the baby still knows I though that.
Hello. My name is Mattie, and I have officially gone insane.
Please tell me I'm not alone!