Thanks for sharing your birth story. What a ride!
And so sorry to hear things are not great with your DH. Hopefully you can hash it out together and get to a peaceful place. I know our first was hard, hard, hard for both of us, even though he was a semi-easy baby. We had to work through so much junk, expectations, changes, assumptions and some general jerkiness as well. Then my second was a hard baby. This (my 3rd) is the first newborn we've really enjoyed, as bad as that sounds. BOTH of us just have a completely different attitude and expectations this time around.
Hugs, mama and you DO need to rest! Especially after the internal trauma you dealt with (and still need to heal from!). I totally was overdoing it after my first, making laundry a priority when my body just needed food and rest, and my body was not happy with me. Bled for a full 6 weeks after and was just exhausted. Plus even after putting my energy into the house any time the baby napped, the house still looked like crap.
Hope you 2 can work things out soon and really enjoy the sweet baby together.
Thanks for the empathy. I'm realizing that we toootally didn't prepare for this time. We both thought we'd be able to keep doin' what we were doing (better, in fact, than before, since both of us would be home for the first week) when in reality, the shock and exhaustion of life with a newborn, combined with the steady flow of guests (the truly tiring part) just threw us for a loop. We've definitely dropped expectations since my last update. As it turns out, I was stressed about HIS stress and vice-versa. Now he understands that I really won't accept help from him unless he's truly taken care of himself; that inspires him to be a little better about attending to his own needs, since his priorities are now him>me>baby. (Mine are baby>me>him, ironically.)
our first was also a major transition, and a huge shift for us as a couple. your frustrations are very real, and it sounds like you've actually got a GREAT plan to keep up w/ things! at 9 days pp i was NOT planning too much housework or handing off baby!!! i think the other mama's are right on- your husband's life has been turned totally over and oddly enough, while you had 9 months to recognize that your body and your life were going to be taken over by this amazing LO, if he's like my husband, he's doing all the processing NOW. and i totally get the MIL stuff too....
this is the first baby (fifth baby!) where my hubby is willing to step up and let the house be a little messy, or work on it w/out surliness, and where he isn't trying to 'get someone out here to help' me settle in. he's always tried to get someone else to step up so he doesn't have to, and then it's months later that we're still struggling through the adjustment. so dealing w/ it now is a huge blessing even though it's horrible in many ways. same w/ the baby not sleeping at night. my husband is great (but useless) at night, but in the morning i don't have much patience w/ him whining about how tired he is.
we just did a marriage counseling session and talked to the couple about conflict- they of course cannot imagine having to face too much conflict. and then the funnier part was telling them 'you're going to be ANNOYED with one another' - what? NO WAY! never!!! LOL!!! so, how you gonna deal w/ being annoyed? cause in some ways it's worse that facing conflict. it's so worth it to force the communications and to address things and to make efforts to clearly love on each other.
blessings and rest and healing to you all!!!
You were SMART! I wish I had held on to babe more in the first two weeks. I feel deprived of all the times that guests came over and held her. I should have listened to the wise women that said to really limit visitors, sleep when baby sleeps, and not worry about the house. I always rebel against good advice!
So true, too, that it's such a shock for husbands. They have no idea what they're in for! These past two weeks have been his equivalent of my nine months in terms of realizing that his life has changed.
Your hubby sounds like he's really (finally!) learned how to best support you. Not having them complain is key, seriously. I think it's funny that ANY daddy of a new baby nowadays dares risk saying how tired he is. Isn't that in the rule book?! I didn't sleep a wink Sunday night because it was our first night upstairs in our real bed, and I was so worried about DH waking and being cranky for work that I jumped at any peep or stir Olive made through the night. After that, I forced him to buy earplugs.
Yes. Dealing with it. So worth it. I have little patience for stepping on eggshells anymore!
Oh my gosh, yes. I've suspected for a while that DH has sleep apnea, so he very well could be tired every morning, even though he's not even sharing a room with baby yet. But if I have to listen to him tell me how tired he is one more time I may just punch him in the throat.
He's not even in the same room?! Punch away!!
. Hope you guys can continue to work on things!
Follow Mothering