My Child is Three and He Cannot Read

[dalia]

Now that my son is three, a few of his peers can read or are beginning to learn. I would just like to take this opportunity to brag about how my kid can't read. That's right, he can't read. Why? BECAUSE HE'S THREE.

He doesn't know his alphabet. He doesn't know how to add and subtract. He knows how to play. That's about it.

I know I sound sarcastic but I know if I rant about this on Facebook I will hurt the feelings of many of my friends who are boasting about their kid's reading skills. It's cool if your kid can read.

But I am proud that my child can't read! He has plenty of time. :-)

[appalachiamama]

My child is four and is just learning to draw circles and lines.  She doesn't draw anything that looks like anything, unless it's a happy accident, and that's fine with me.

[Fortune Teller]

Love this thread!  My son is 6 and he is just now starting to show interest in reading

My other son is 5 and thinks 'A' is a number.  Shows absolutely no interest in any academics, and I wouldn't have it any other way!

It's hard to keep my mouth closed when I hear friends or others stressing about reading and academics so early... I love it here where I am not the minority!

[earthmama4]

Ok, I have to join now. This is fun!

My son is 4 years old and doesn't even know the ABC song! He only counts to 7 and scribbles when he colors. He doesn't know a single letter. But he "reads" all the time, because he has memorized some of our favorite books. 

Add one more reason to my list of why I stay off FB!

However, please know that what many parents call "reading" is a bit of a stretch. *Putting on former Pre-K teacher hat now* A child can only truly understand in print that which he can understand in speech. The most important way to prepare a child for literacy (truly understanding and using the written word) is through orality - talk to them, sing to them, tell them stories and rhymes, and read to them. It has nothing whatsoever to do with the alphabet and letter sounds. I have worked with older children who can "read" an entire story, but cannot answer the simplest questions about it once they are finished. That isn't reading. Ok, rant over!

Warmest Blessings! 

[Viola]

I was all set to come in and assure you that this is actually a GOOD thing, so I'm relieved that your thread is what it is.

But if I were to participate, it would be kind of sad.  My daughter is 13 and can't ride a bike.  My other daughter is 9 and can't tie her shoes.  Yeah, sad.  

[expat-mama]

The longer I am a mother the more I see how DIFFERENT the path of development is for all kids and how amazing that is. They are individuals and shouldn't constantly be measured against each other or some kind of manufactured standard! 

I especially find it fascinating and wonderful how kids pick and choose what they want to focus on developmentally. 

More parents need to know that it's perfectly OK if their kid doesn't know the alphabet but can climb that play structure like nobody's business, or if their kid can count backwards from 100 but hasn't the slightest idea how to use a ride-on toy!

My son tends to fall in the latter category, he's far more interested in and excels at traditionally academic pursuits and isn't so good at physical things but he's a great kid and the most important thing is that he is doing what he wants and what he likes and that he is one freaking happy kid! I wish mamas weren't so quick to jump to comparing- I love pointing out the amazing strengths and different abilities of my son and the kids he hangs out with, they are all just following their own paths and it's wonderful to see happy kids. 

Thanks for this thread.

[appalachiamama]

Yes!  My son could do some things much sooner than my daughter could, with greater confidence, but he seems littler in many other ways.  They are all so different and fun.
 

[nenegoose]

I did everything "right" to give my DD a Waldorf-inspired childhood, including sending her to a Waldorf school toddler program. Her playroom is a mini-Waldorf classroom. I was very much a model Waldorf child and learned to read at 7. Until then, I don't think I even noticed that I was supposed to read out the letters I see. I spent the first seven years of my life completely free from academic pressure and that's what I wanted for my own child. 

So, I don't know where we went wrong. Maybe it's all SO's fault ;) but I have a toddler who is a math whiz and is determined to read independently. We had a play date today and his mother noticed how "ahead" she seems to be but I pointed out that DD is too cautious to ride her balance bike so she hasn't made any progress whereas her son rides his strider like a pro. In my book, that is not any less impressive than DD being able to tell time. 

At the end of the day, all that matters is that they go to sleep knowing that they are loved, respected, cared for, and appreciated for who they are. :)

[WednesdayO]

OP, your rant gave me a giggle! You sound so much like I did when my daughter was 3. She gained an interest in reading more from storytelling and being read to and seeing us read. Then she slowly starting picking it up on her own and asking questions about words in the environment. She was in 2nd grade and well on her way to 8 before she really sat down and read by herself. And you know what.... it was like magic!

[heyitskalista]

My 5 year old doesn't read either...and you'd seriously think she couldn't hold up her own head, the way people react.  So silly.  She is so creative and kind and compassionate and yes, even though she doesn't read, she is SMART! 

I'm so glad to come here and read things from like-minded mamas!  Some days I feel exhausted from swimming upstream!!
 

[greenemami]

we are not waldorf, but I was so glad to read this thread :) My daughter is nearly 6 and still not reading and it only stresses me out when I let myself start comparing and worrying.  My son is almost 3 and definitely, absolutely, is not reading! They are both amazingly smart and wonderful :)

[Jacquelin]

This thread is so awesome! Kids read when they are ready to. Most are not ready to read at 3. (Or, 4-5-6 and even 7 for that matter.) They want to play and figure things out in their own time. We attend a Waldorf school but Maria Montessori said it best: follow the child. We need a lot more of that in our society and a lot less of us foisting our own political and economic insecurities on our children. They know what they need and our job as adults and parents is to truly listen. Yay for the mamas who have the courage to believe that it's ok for children to take their time if they need to.
Edited by Jacquelin - 2/26/13 at 6:48pm

[tittipeitto]

Oh what a feel happy thread!! 

My four year old doesn't know the alphabet song. Instead of watching sesame street (that's where his older brother learned it at age 2) he is digging outside. Besides aren't there a million better songs?

When his doctor asked if he can write his own name he answered yes, and he really thinks so, because I never told him the up and down triangular stuff he makes is not really writing.

When his grandmother asked my kids if the little one is learning to read at his preschool (playbased) my older one burst out:"are you kidding me, he barely knows how to draw. You have to learn the important things first" I was so glad he answered for me, my reaction was the same. What lunatic would force his little hands make those abstract shapes, when (and the grandma has seen it) he is drawing four circles to represent his family.

I love the freedom Waldorf has given me to beam in pride because my kid is a wizard at making any stick into a person and any log into a ship or what ever. How he doesn't need me to help him play, his mind is an adventure all his own. It's a different kind of pride than the one I had for my older son when he was 3 and could write. it's a more pure and silent pride, a feel good pride, like, that I accept my child as his pure self, not for his spot in the competition.

There was a certain worry that I had, looking at a kid who can write at 3, that what if I pick the wrong school for him and he doesn't become a genius. Now that I'm proud of their imagination and play, I know I can't undo any of that for them. 

[sandy'smama]

lol!

my ds is 8 and he now can read and write MUCH better than his peers that started at three but they still cannot play! My dd is 6 and can't read she's sooooooo excited to go to class 1 next year 

[appalachiamama]

My four year old can count to twelve and then starts counting by twos after that, since she always hears me count my knitting stitches.

[maptome]

My DD is almost 4 and she can't go down the slide.  When other kids tell her to, she says "No, that one is a little bit too fast for me." I am so so proud of her. =)

[michelleepotter]

I have a friend who worries about her three and four year old kids not being able to read. Admittedly, she, her DH, and her kids are all rather intelligent, but she keeps telling me how she feels guilty, because the only reason they aren't reading yet is she hasn't worked with them enough. Sigh. My youngest is a couple months older than her oldest, and he just realized that numbers mean something. Letters are totally meaningless to him.

My oldest didn't read until she was 8. She had a hard time with it, but now wants to be a writer. My smartest child - an incredibly intelligent 11yo who taught himself to read, multiply, and write computer programs - still didn't read until he was 5.

[tooraloora]

I pushed my DD (8 now) to learn from the beginning. By the time she was my DS' age (2 nearly 3), she knew the entire alphabet in order, her colors, and could count (up to 15, if I remember correctly). I was very proud of her. I still am. However, though I won't go so far as to say I killed her imagination, I will say that it is on life support, and I feel I did her a huge disservice. We've taken a break from schooling to rehabilitate her imagination. Thankfully, she is making great strides, and I have faith that her imagination will make a full recovery.

I have never pushed my DS to learn anything remotely academic, and have stirred up more than a couple stinks with people who have attempted to step in where they feel I've failed him. He is nearly 3 and does not know the alphabet, can only count to three, and is only beginning to be sure about colors, and I'm darned proud of the both of us for that (lack of) accomplishment. He is funny, sweet, clever, and imaginative. He can point out and name every plant we grow, and all of his favorite weeds. He knows that acorn caps make great hats for stick people and leaves make wonderful puddle boats after a rain. DS doesn't know how to spell his own name, but he knows how to appreciate the world around him and how to amuse himself for hours with nothing more than his own mind and what he can find outside. I can't imagine a better way for him to spend his early years.

[SoapMama12]

This thread is refreshing. My daughter isn't even 11 months old yet and family/friends are already trying to turn everything into a teachable moment. "See the bunny. The bunny is BROWN. How many bunnies are there? ONE, TWOOO, THREEEEE. Turn the page. Goood Job!" I have to remind them every time to just let her enjoy the story/play/climb/crawl etc. I am thankful for supportive forums like this, most people I know IRL have never heard of Waldorf education.

[EllasMommy10]

I was at the park yesterday with a friend whose son turned two in December. She is bragging about how he knows all of the letters of the alphabet and how she is now teaching him to read. The kid can hardly talk. Anyways, their whole day seems to be spent around her teaching him, and she brags like it makes her a better mom. My daughter turned 3 a month ago and knows over half her letters and I haven't and don't plan on teaching any to her for a few years. If she learns them, great, but we focus on rhythm and play and being outside and letting her be little. And I am the one who gets the strange looks.