You are not alone. The reason I shared my recent success with friendships is because just 2 years ago I was in a very similar place. No, I won't know exactly 'til I've walked in your shoes, but you express a lot of issues that I have also experienced.
I don't leave my kids with just anyone, for reasons very similar to yours. Even in my group of friends, I watch all my friends' kids, but there are only 2 friends that I feel comfortable leaving my own kid with, and that has only been within the last 6 months. I have to know someone really well & trust them completely before I'm willing to trust them with my child. I know this is outside the norm and maybe over-the-top paranoid but it's just how I feel and I am comfortable with my choices in that regard.
That being said, you do seem very anxious, and perhaps depressed. If you don't feel like you have the time/energy/ability to boost yourself back up, would you consider trying medication or supplements or herbal remedies to help with that? If you can cut down on the anxiety things might feel a bit more manageable. It's hard to separate out what is 'normal' parenting anxiety & protectiveness, and what is due to the abuse, and what is just a little overboard. I am saying this not in a judging way but in an "I've been there" way... but from the outside perspective, from what you've written here, it sounds like you really need to find ways to relax, learn how to fit in self-care, etc. If you don't make it a priority it's not going to just magically happen.
No one is going to come in & just make your whole life feel easier. You have to do the work to make it happen. You have to make sacrifices to make it happen. Only *you* can decide what you're willing/able to sacrifice. Maybe it's family time, and Mondays become all about you getting a break. Maybe there's somewhere in your budget you can cut back, go without internet for a few months so you can use that money to get a bit of extra help for an hour a week. Maybe you talk with DH about him finding a new job with better hours or more pay. Maybe you give up on finding great friends and settle for "good enough" friends, even if their kids drive you nuts... find something salvageable in the friendship & go with it. Maybe you're not willing to do anything differently and just need to be able to vent here. That's fine too.
I do feel for you... it's hard. It's hard parenting even with a great support system, but without that... it's 100x harder. I have no contact with my family and very minimal, nearly non-existent contact with DH's family. We have no money and no hope of digging ourselves out of a financial mess. DH had a long-term unemployment and had to ultimately take a job for half his former salary. There are no jobs here. I lost my WAH job and then ended up on disability, which I've since exhausted. I've had a chronic illness for many years and taking care of the house is practically impossible for me. I just found out I have cancer and I am worried about burning out those 2 friends I trust with DS, because I will need them soooo much in the coming months, and I don't want to need so much help, but I do. I am learning that I will have to make more sacrifices than I ever thought possible. DH works 12 hour days. DH, DS, and I are all in therapy, me for PTSD, DH for depression & ADHD, and DS for emotional/social delays and anxiety. This is therapy we really can't afford but it is part of the way we've built our support system since we don't have the default support of family etc. We've had to work hard and make a lot of sacrifices just to make therapy possible. Most of the friends I do have are going through major issues themselves and don't often have time to get together and it's hard for me to make the time too between dozens of appointments each week and taking care of DS and trying my best with the house, plus homeschooling and home sessions for DS's therapy and a million other things. I don't mean to rant on your vent but I am trying to say that while I may not be exactly in your shoes, I can try to understand. Do you want more ideas for how to get help? Ideas for making/keeping friends? Something else? Or do you just want to be able to vent? Any of that is OK here I think but I sense frustration in your post that somehow whatever you're hearing in this thread isn't quite what you want to hear.
I'm really sorry you are having a tough time. Nothing is permanent... remember that.