I am new here. I mostly stick to my local boards, but I have some issues I can't get past and am looking for help how to do that. I have a lot of jealousy and anger about my births. So I will try to make it brief.
I was induced for my first birth which ended up in a c-section. My OB told me that I would never be able to give birth vaginally to a baby unless they were under 6 pounds. My first was 8 pounds.
I spent years studying, going to ICAN meetings, learning about ways to deal with pain (I had that ice pick in the hip pain, I think I learned later that was due to baby position) When I got pregnant the second time, I hired a doula, went to midwives, studied hypnobabies, did yoga, did exercises to turn the baby, saw a chiropractor to make sure the baby was in correct position starting at 7 weeks. I studied birth plans. I even left my midwife practice at 37 weeks because they told me at 40 weeks I would be schedule for a repeat c-section no matter what (they just realized I was 40 and this was a huge risk to them) I ended up finding a new midwife practice that could take me, and I went into natural labor at 39 weeks.
So to make a long story short, I ended up with a repeat c-section. The midwife at one point asked me if I was ever in a car accident or fell off a horse, she asked during labor. I had no idea what she was getting at, but she basically said my pelvis felt like it was "crushed" at some point. She said it didn't feel normal. And no I was never in an accident or anything. My second baby was 6 pounds 6 ounces (so my first ob was right? how is that possible?)
After my c-section, my incision got infected. My OB ignored the golf ball sized lump on my incision as "scar tissue" and then when my incision broke open and weeped she said it was normal healing. I went to a wound care center for 8 months because I had a badly infected incision that would not heal.
I later found out that one of my sisters had the exact same birth experiences I did 23 years ago, except for the infection part. (oh by the way, we both had uterine ruptures, that were not from being induced) I had 2 other sisters who had easy smooth vaginal births - so fast that one was practically unassisted, and most were epidural free, and my mom mostly too, except for the c-section due to cord prelapse - I was however a vbac baby born to a mom with a vertical incision. Then I found out that my grandmother on my dad's side had 3 babies that died during birth, the 4th survived, my dad, who was born by c-section. They said it was something with her babies getting stuck (1930s, so I don't know what that means)
Anyway, so my issue is, I am so hurt and angry when I hear people talk about how they hired a doula and did this and that and "trusted their body" and they had an amazing birth. I still feel like "if only I did this" even though I know that this may very well be a genetic issue (I do have a genetic pelvic issue, but I had past OB tell me it would make no difference in my births) I have heard things like "oh well you didn't do x and that is really a better way to give birth" or "I don't think that will happen to me, I am going to do x,y and z" or "oh yeah you used those midwives, they are great but the hospital rules are probably why you had a c-section"
Sorry this is a jumble, it has reached a boiling point today and I just don't know where to start to help heal and accept it is what it is. I am not having more kids (I am 42 with a 2 year old, I don't want to have a newborn at 43 or 44) so I kind of want to put this past me.