Hi all. I guess I'm hoping for some advice, as well as a place to vent. Sorry this is so long.
To give you a little background about me and my feelings about cats: I love all animals. I had a super special cat from when I was 11 years old, who lived until I was 29. She & I had a great relationship; I was as close to her as any human (and I love lots of humans too, lol). I brushed her every day, scooped her cat litter daily (and when I had a picky roommate, vacuumed in front of it daily as well), took her to vet appointments regularly, cut her nails once a week, and spent lots of time hanging out with her and talking to her when I was home. She slept in my bed, she'd run to the door when I got home, she'd lie on my chest and we'd gaze into each other's eyes, she'd put her paw on my cheek when I was sad; in short, we had a wonderful, loving, mutually beneficial relationship. She certainly wasn't always perfectly behaved, but she seemed genuinely sorry when she upset me, and learned not to do certain things after a while. Even after her, I got along well with cats; I had a really irresponsible roommate a couple years later who adopted a cat in hopes that his 12 year old daughter, who didn't live with him full time, would take care of it; they both ultimately ignored it, and I cared for this cat, gave her attention, and finally got my parents to take her in after I moved away from there (I knew realistically that my life plans at that point simply could not include being a cat owner). I was pretty sure anyway that I didn't really want another cat; maybe a dog, someday, when I really had the time and energy to put into it.
Another thing: I have volunteered at animal shelters, starting in my early teens, and FIRMLY believe that adoption of an animal is for life.
Fast forward a few years. I'm sleeping at my soon-to-be husbands house. He has two cats. They're kind of weird, but he explains that they were rescues, and they are a lot better than they used to be. While we are sleeping, they piss all over my bag & clothes. He apologizes profusely, I say they were probably just jealous, and assure them that we will become the best of friends (because obviously, even though I personally didn't want cats, my husband adopted them, so they come along with him).
Fast forward a couple more years: I can't stand these cats. They have pissed on several things (which I have washed). After I did some research (note: I did the research, not my husband), we got a second cat box; this helped somewhat, but they still piss on things. For this reason, I can't let them in the bedroom, and my 9 month old son's playmat has to be in our shared bedroom (in our 1 bedroom apartment). A little awkward when we want to have playdates here. The cats are not really affectionate. One mostly ignores us. The other like to sit with his anus pressed against your bare skin. Honestly, that is what he wants. If you try to adjust him, he usually just runs away. One of them likes to knock stuff off shelves on purpose; he also will occasionally bite or scratch if you annoy him. They puke on convenient places like the couch and the futon (maybe that's normal, but my cat never did that). They don't seem to care at all if they upset us. They are just not pleasant to have around.
Compounded by this is my husband's care of them, or lack thereof. It is totally different in every way than how I cared for my late beloved cat. Yes, he makes sure they have food & water daily, but that's where any kind of daily care ends. He scoops out their cat boxes ONCE A WEEK (ugh!). There is always cat litter all over the floor; we tried a mat, but they like to piss on the mat, and my husband rarely cleans in front of the cat litter. Of course I try to sweep as much as possible, but I don't always get to it daily, and there are always bits of cat litter sticking to our feet (which then ends up everywhere, including in our bed and on our son's playmat). He almost never cuts their nails, and they have really sharp, jagged nails; I am afraid for our son (who of course tries to grab them), and on the rare occasion when they are affectionate and stretch out a paw to us, it's usually met with a yelp of pain from us because of their razor sharp, jagged nails (this probably doesn't help with them wanting to be affectionate). He almost never brushes them, and there is cat hair everywhere. Right now, they are a few months late on their vet appointment, which will never happen unless I set it up. My husband doesn't really pay much attention to them at all. I suggested we get a new cat toy a few months ago; only I have played with it with them. No wonder they are not much fun to be around; from their perspective, humans just aren't very interesting or relevant.
I am so frustrated at this situation. We have a very energetic & demanding 9 month old baby; I really don't have the time, energy or desire to properly care for and socialize two unfriendly, behaviorally-challenged cats. As I said, I didn't even want cats; I didn't want ANY pet until I felt I was really ready to give it the time and attention it deserves (I figured I'd wait on the dog until our son was older). My husband and I have had several fights about this; he always ends up empathizing with me and promising to care for them better & socialize them more, but not much has changed. Giving them away is not an option. Giving them to a shelter would be their death warrant, and I am definitely not okay with that. As far as re-homing them - be honest, if you have read this far, would you want them? I'm tired of nagging my husband about this. And frankly, I don't want my son to grow up thinking this is how you relate to pets; I want him to experience the wonderful, mutually beneficial relationship that I had with pets growing up.
Anyone have a similar situation? Any suggestions? Thanks for reading.