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100% custody= very little social time - Page 2

post #21 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by provocativa View Post
 Abusers always try to win trust, it's one of the ways they work, and a mom like the OP who is desperate for time away from kids will send bells off to an abuser.  To not think of that, or, like here, to try to shame me into silence because my family has been victimized...that's just b.s.   There is a difference between examining all the factors and making an informed decision, and living in fear- which I never said I do. 

I'm sorry you had these experiences. The pain of abuse is something that I don't think people can really understand until it happens, and it's understandable that some may not want to know about this possibility.   I happen to believe the general motive of sharing warnings (about how to protect oneself) is coming from a place of having experienced pain and not wanting others to have that experience too.  It's a stretch to overgeneralize that into "living in constant fear of a predator".   No one is saying sleepovers aren't fun and can't be safe.  

post #22 of 24

And back to the original poster (sorry!).  It's hard to work full time and never feel like you have time to yourself.  I'm used to never going out in the evenings any more (like once or twice per year)....but I am not an evening person anyway.  But if I couldn't get out for some hiking or exercise at least once per week (when the kids are with dad since I have no family here), I'd be worse off mentally, that's for sure!

 

I know single moms who have family babysit for a longer stretch once per week (so they can play hockey or some other activity). Do you need your mom every day?  Do you think she would be more open to a weekly outing for a few hours, if maybe she got a couple days off from the daily half hour stint?  Would she be more receptive to the idea if it were protrayed as a benefit to her? (eg the bedtime bonding thing is pretty special...and once/month isn't really enough for it to be easy each time.  She might find it easier if it were more regular.  I wonder if she is making it about you (ie. "you" don't need to go out) when in reality maybe it's about her, and she could be embarrassed to say it's too much for her, or she feels inadequate?  Of course I have no idea what she really thinks....just throwing out some food for thought in case it helps!

post #23 of 24

I don't have any ideas that haven't been mentioned but I did want to say to the original poster that I was there many years ago.  I know how hard it is.  My situation is different now but my oldest daughter's father has been out of her life completely for nearly 11 years now and for the 2 years before that, he visited sporadically at our home and never took her out of my sight.  I was completely on my own with her for the first 4 years of her life.  It's a very hard road to travel.  I hope you are able to find some ways to get time to yourself, even if it's not in the dating sense.  Just having an hour to read a book at a coffee shop or leisurely do the grocery shopping without someone small in tow is a blessing when you are that isolated.

post #24 of 24

You work, don't you get adult time all day and a break from your son then? I don't remember the last time I had "me time", its been YEARS, I have a 7 and 12 yr old and a solo mom. I get needing me time but I think once a month is enough when your already getting adult interaction all day at work. If you were a SAHM then yes I could see needing to go out every week but you already get to go out every day. You may need to reframe adult time in your mind, I've learned to enjoy Dr's and Dentists because thats the only time I get me time. My parents act like its a crime to ask them to babysit if heaven forbid I should want to go out to dinner with someone or a movie.

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