or Connect
Mothering › Groups › March 2013 Due Date Club › Discussions › Ideas butting heads with family/friends

Ideas butting heads with family/friends

post #1 of 4
Thread Starter 

Hello,

I was wondering if anyone else was or has experience with differeing ideas with their family/friends regarding pregnancy/birth. My husband and I are planning an unassisted home birth and going the rest of my pregnancy unassisted also (I'm 34 weeks), but out of all our family and friends we are the only ones who believe in this kind of birth and are feeling a bit of tension from everyone when the subject of "where are you birthing" or "when's your next appointment" comes up.

 

I really believe in UP/UC and know that its the right thing for me and my family and could defend it, but in all honesty, i just want to avoid all arguments. It slipped out to a friend that we were planning a UC and they flipped out and we had a big argument with tons of tension, we moved past it, but I really want to avoid another argument. 

 

I know that not all of you are into this kind of birth, but do you have any experiences with dissagreing with family and how to avoid arguments on differing ideas?

 

Miranda

post #2 of 4

The way I avoid conflict with friends and fam is our birth plans are not up for discussion.

 

With DD, we homebirthed and eventually everyone knew before her birthday, but it was not up for discussion. If people had legitimate questions, I answered them, but that's as far as it went. Several family members had issue with it, but that's their struggle, not mine.

 

This time around, we have said very little of our plans. The only person who knows about UC is my MIL because she is our care person for DD. We waited to tell her until absolutely necessary, because she can be a worrier and alarmist. Even though she would rather us go with a midwife and even offered to pay for it, she does not pester us about it, because she knows it's not up for discussion.

 

My advice would be, not to engage with those who want to argue with you. Let them know you have made your decision and are comfortable with it. If they have legit questions that you want to answer, that's fine, but then leave it at that. 

post #3 of 4
I agree with cocoanib--this is my 2nd UC and i learned the first time that i shouldnt even bring up the topic because its bound to start an argument. At first i would argue, thinking it would get somewhere beneficial, but it often just left me feeling drained. Even if i helped them see where i was coming from, they still had their doubts and thats ultimately okay. You cant change how people view birth unless they really want their views changed and trying to do it is more taxing than its worth. Just dont bring it up and if they bring it up, either change the topic or say its not up for discussion. You'll sleep better smile.gif
post #4 of 4

I agree with the other wise mamas. Steer discussion away from difficult topics and, when someone does bring it up directly, either:

 

for close family/acquaintances: tell the truth, but if they have an issue let them know that it might be best to just change the topic

for distant acquaintances/people you're not close to: answer as vaguely/simply as possible

for strangers: seriously, the easiest "out" is to lie if you want to avoid the hassle

 

I know it's evasive, but honestly, I don't think you should allow any conflict to weigh you down emotionally during these final weeks of pregnancy. Surround yourself with supportive loved ones and don't give any of your mental energy to nay-sayers right now.

  Return Home
  Back to Forum: March 2013 Due Date Club
Mothering › Groups › March 2013 Due Date Club › Discussions › Ideas butting heads with family/friends