Who will be at your birth? « Back to Group Discussions

[CookAMH]

This is our third baby, and second homebirth, and I've invited my mom to come up (4 hrs away) in advance of the birth to be there. I think she's pretty happy to be invited! At the first two, we wanted NO family members. I told her I will decide that day if I'll have her in the room or have her come in after, but it'll be nice to have her to take care of our two kids and not worry about a friend picking them up.

I went into labor around 39 weeks with my first two. I want her to be able to stay a couple weeks after, but understand if she doesn't want to be away from my dad and special needs brother for 4 weeks or so if I have her come too early. Any suggestions on determining a day to come?  She could come in a couple of days notice, if we played it by ear partially. I thought of having her come around 38.5 weeks.

Also, who all will you have? With my mom, we'll have a midwife, midwife assistant/student, doula and my DH.

[chispita]

Midwife and her assistant. My husband. Doula. And I'm still thinking on whether it's worthwhile to have a birth photographer (pros: the photos, cons: $$$, and adding one more person to the birth environment).

Definitely no family. Our families live in a different country, so having any of them there would mean inviting them to come at least one or two weeks before my due date and having them constantly watch me like a pot about to boil, and knowing they'll be disappointed if they miss it. So no thanks, I'd rather do without all that pressure.

[nettlesoup]

It'll just be my fiance. I'd love to have my daughter there, but the hospital doesn't allow it. There is absolutely no way my mother would ever come because she's crazy. I am tempted to have my sister there, but I'm not sure yet.
 

[serena76]

My DP doesn't want to come in so I don't know yet, I would like my mum, but my dad has terminal cancer and she can't really leave him. A friend has offered but I'm not sure.

[thefreckledmama]

My births are always full of people. This time it will likely be DP, mom, maybe dad*, two oldest daughters, SIL and my best friend. DP's mom if she'd like to be, but se doesn't seem like the type who would.

This is my 5th, so I'm not really shy or concerned who's around. Lol. I also come from a family where birth has always been an event where all the moms and sisters and women friends and such are present, so it feels normal to me.

*as for my dad, the first birth of a grandchild he was present for was my sister's son, his 7th. He used to not care about family or kids or anything like that at all, and as he's gotten older, started really caring and being involved. So we will see.

[haurelia]

Planning a home birth. I'll have DH, midwife, doula friend, and hopefully one other friend (I've attended births of both of these friends). I hope DS (4) will be ok being present, but one of the friends will be able to help him if not (or drive him to my dad's). I wish my sister could come but we live 8 hours apart, she works full time and has 3 littles of her own. I've been able to be present for her births, but my job is contingent and I make own hours, so I've been able to travel to her and stay for 10-14 days each time to wait and help. I don't have a great relationship w/ my mom, but she and my stepdad will likely come for a short visit afterward to help out. I may ask them to stay with other relatives locally, though, because I don't know if I'll want her here full time. My dad and stepmom are local. DH's parents will come afterward to meet and help too. It will be hard to manage and juggle the parents--our last birth was before we moved 8 hours away, so they were able to just visit for an afternoon here and there when DS was born. I'm already stressing about that!

[fernmama]

So far just dh and our four kids. We meet a Midwife Tuesday so if she is a good fit. then she might be there too. My last two can fast
One was a unplanned unassisted and the next our Midwife friend was already in town at two other births
not sure if we will have any other family or friends. Would love to have my close friend that was there for my last two to come but we moved from Oregon. I thought of using Skype. Hehehe

[rrs]

My husband, me, the kids (hopefully - last time my dad couldn't get them back inside from playing outside quickly enough to see their sister be born), my mom, my dad (again, hopefully!), my midwife, and assistant (again, hopefully - the assistant didn't make it in time last time).  Oh and my midwife is precepting a lot of students (3 CPMs and 2 CNMs including myself) so there may be some students, as well...
 

[aidenn]

This birth, I'm not entirely certain on the cast. Definitely DH, the midwife and her assistant. My mom lives with us now, but our relationship has been through a lot the past 5 years or so, so I'm not sure of either of our comfort levels with her right there next to me, but she lives in the house, so it's not like I can tell her to take a hike. :)

[Bromache]

As long as the midwife is there, I'll be happy! (Last time, it was a close call — she arrived twenty minutes before he popped out, no time for a back-up to get there.)

Ideally, I want my husband there, too; but, at the moment, he might be the only person available to look after our older boys. Last time, my mom flew in and kept my oldest son busy while the second was born, but she'll be halfway across the world this time. (No kidding; she'll be in China!) We're a military family and were just posted last summer, so not only are we far from family, but we also don't have any friends here yet.... I guess we'll have to worry about that as the time gets closer.

But, yeah, I just need someone to watch the kids. I like to have as few people around as possible during labor, and they better be quiet and not bugging me!  (Definitely no kids!)

[naturallyme]

My Mom, my midwife and definitely some of my bestie coworkers, they are my family. Love my girls so much! My bff is 1 1/2 away and may be difficult to get her there for the delivery.

4th baby, so I too have no inhibitions when it comes to my body in birth. We are maternity nurses so a womans body is just that, a body to us. One to honored for sure but we certainly aren't hung up on nudity.

Still hoping for but not expecting baby's dad to be present.

[amanda bee]

At my birth i definitely want my DH , midwife & hopefully best friend to attend.

I've given the kids the option to be there as well, but i think will probably opt out.

I'm hoping my mom (or my earth mama :kinda like hippie godmother) will come & stay with the kids.

[katalopolis]

As few people as I can get away with. Me, the fiance, midwife and doula. I'm birthing in a hospital though so I may have to get cranky and kick anyone who isn't those people out.

[lilmamita]

My partner, my mom, the midwife and her assistant.

[MamaMash]

Sounds like so far I'm the only one planning a c-section? I had a planned very awesome c-section with my dd due to breech presentation, and at this point i'm definitely leaning towards a repeat. So, if that ends up being the case it would just by my DH in the OR. But, in the recovery room will be a gaggle of people I'm sure. My parents, my 2 sisters, possibly my bother, and hopefully my best friend.

In the unlikely event I attempt and succeed with a vbac I would like my dh and mom there.

[mrsandmrs]

i am still trying to figure all the pieces of this out. definitely my wife & our doula & whatever OB we are settled on by that point will be in the room - and whatever cadre of nurses or whatever. i'm hoping to have a vaginal birth, but well, TWINS! so maybe an anesthesiologist. who knows.

our doula has already talked about running interference with our family, and i admit it's a huge relief to think of someone handling that situation for us. i love that they are so excited about the babies, and i totally want them to meet them when they are born, but when it comes to labor - and i have never been in labor, but when i think about myself handing difficult situtions and pain - in my ideal world i would be like, alone in the backyard. thinking about my mom (complex relationship) and my MIL (duh) and my dad (strong, vocal opinions about everything) in that context, well, it sends me into fits.

we also have several close friends that will hopefully be around, but probably not during labor or birth. i think of them as my chosen family and it would mean a lot to me to see their faces.

[serena76]

I was going to do it alone with the midwife and assistant coz my DB is a bit squeamish, I'd come to terms with it as he promised he would b right outside. But he said a few days ago he's been thinking about it and was gonna surprise me and he wants to b in there with me now! Awesome 😃

[momzilla]

Originally Posted by thefreckledmama 

My births are always full of people. This time it will likely be DP, mom, maybe dad*, two oldest daughters, SIL and my best friend. DP's mom if she'd like to be, but se doesn't seem like the type who would.

This is my 5th, so I'm not really shy or concerned who's around. Lol. I also come from a family where birth has always been an event where all the moms and sisters and women friends and such are present, so it feels normal to me.

Love this...an event where all the moms and sisters and women friends are present.

This is exactly what I'm planning for my 6th.  We will see if labor allows for it, but if it is too fast or happens in middle of the night (like all mine have), it may only be my midwife, her assistant (who happens to be a friend of mine), my DH, and the 5 kiddos. Otherwise, I plan on inviting two other friends, my sister, my sister-in-law, my mother-in-law (if she wants to come), and my mother.  Oh, and I would love to have a birth photographer (a doula friend provides this service, so I'd ask her).

[bexsd]

Probably just me, DH, and the doctor and nurses.

[Pickle9909]

My husband for sure and we have pondered having my son who will almost be 4 in the room. My daughter will almost be 14 and she isn't sure she wants to be there...so I don't know. Def know family. My MIL would probably expect to hold the baby before me...or quickly want to old the baby...def before I got a chance to nurse...ugh. They live far anyway. I love my mom and she was there for the birth of my DD but I was 18 and my boyfriend at the time was snoring in a chair

We have also told family to wait a month before they visit. I need time to relax and for all of us o get to know each other, establish nursing, etc. my MIL is very weird about nursing and def does not understand the concept of nursing on demand. When my son was 3 weeks old she kept trying to hush him instead of giving him to me so I could nurse. We are going to need to establish rules this time around, which seems super lame.