any caregivers?

[leahdbc]

Not sure if this is the right place or not but I was wondering if there are any others who are taking care of their terminally ill spouses or loved ones?

Raising a family and caring for an ill loved can sometimes seem like an unusual spot to be in - but I know it isn't. Just wanted to hear from some others who are in similiar shoes.

[Shantimama]

Hi!

I am caring for my mother who has Alzheimers Disease and also homeschooling my children, ages 4, 6 and 7. It can be challenging. I have the joy of my children while watching my mom decline and the energy of youth on my side, but on the other hand I do an awful lot of caregiving all around. All of the other people I know caring for parents are in their 50's and 60's, most of them are grandparents themselves.

[leahdbc]

Wow! Thats encouraging. We hope to homeschool, but aren't sure if we can pull it off.

Yes, youth is a mixed bag here. It helps in some ways but it can also be alienating. My dh is extraordinarily young to have the diagnosis he does - most others with his illness are over 50 and thus so are their caregivers.

Its just nice to know there are other young moms out there whose time is spent taking care of the young ones as well as other loved ones.

Thanks for writing. All the best to you and your family. (My dh's illness has some similarities to Alzheimers - dealing with the cognitive aspects can be quite a challenge)

If you ever have any tips or ideas to share, please do - I am still new at this and have lots to learn.

[lisamarie]

Thank you for starting this thread. Having a young family to tend to along with caring for an ill loved one is challenging and can be so draining. My mom has end stage liver disease and over the past year, I have been helping my parents out more and more with her care. My oldest is in school ft, but my dd is only 1 yo and is still nursing.

How do you take care of yourself, while taking care of your parents and your family?

Hugs to All~

Lisa

[leahdbc]

Lisa,

I wasn't sure if this was the right place for this thread, or if anyone would respond. But I am glad I did .....

How do you take care of yourself, while taking care of your parents and your family?

Lisa

well, like most caregivers, I tend to put myself far down on the list of priorities but I try to attend mass when I can because I like to and it helps me. But the good thing for me is that staying home to take care of my husband and child gives me plenty of good, quality time with them and that is what makes me so very happy! And it is important for us to schedule time out of the house. Fresh air does wonders for us all. Besides, how on earth do you keep a 17 month old boy indoors during the summer??

I am terrible about asking for help - but I am working on it. I know the time will come when I simiply can't do it all myself and I must be able to ask for and take help.

So what do *you* do for yourself? And how are you holding up?

I hope you are having a great week.

[lisamarie]

thanks for your input, its good to hear from others that are going through the same thing.

i am really struggling with the "how to take care of me" thing and asking for help from my dh. i have recently asked for some "me" time ~ every friday night for a few hrs. but balancing motherhood and a loved one w/an illness is tough. i think that is why i've been so sick this year. i've stopped working out and have decreased drinking my H2O.

hugs~

lisa

[Chicky2]

!!!! I'm so glad to find this thread!

Wow. I thought I was about the only one in this situation. I'm so glad to find someone to talk to!

I am 31 and have 3 children, ages 3, 5, and 15. My dh is in school each night. He leaves at 7 a.m. and gets home at midnight, 5 days a week. My 15 yr old is in public school, but gets out this week for the summer. I will be unschooling the youngest children while caregiving for my MIL and Granny. MIL is bipolar and has partial paralysis on her left side. Her mom had German measles when she was pg with her. Granny has heart issues, Alzheimers, and Parkinson's. Today or tomorrow I finally have home health care coming to evaluate Granny's needs. I am doing this all by myself and need someone who understands how demanding this situation is. I have almost no "me" time, and will probably not have much more once dh is out of school in a few weeks. I'll be able to cook supper without the kids climbing up my legs (he'll take them outside once he's home from work), but that's about it. This is a hard, hard job, emotionally and physically. I sometimes cannot believe this is my life, but still wouldn't trade if for the world. What better way for my children to learn about the cycles of life than thru experiencing it? My dh and I planned to have another baby or two, but now I'm wondering if I can really handle it, and at the same time I feel like it's not really fair that our dreams for our family may be 'ruined'. I did know what i was getting into here because my mother cared for my father until he died (he has Binswanger, which is alot like alzheimers except that it progresses much faster). However, my mother did not have young children to care for and she had lots of help from friends when she needed a break. I am in a new town and have no one around to help me. I also do not drive much because of visual disturbances and it is too darn much work to take everyone anywhere by myself! So, basically I just need to know that I'm not alone and need a place to vent once in awhile (or daily, lol). Thanks for listening.

Blessings, Chicky2

[leahdbc]

I am glad you found this thread! It sounds like you are juggling quite a lot. Kudos to you for handling it with such grace and a positive attitude about life, death and how our kids get too see them both. We feel the same way. People often ask why we would want children when we know their daddy will most likely not live too long and will be in much pain. I think that our child will see and know how much his daddy loves him, he will see life, death and all that comes with it. It is not something to hide. And Zac has so very much to give that why wouldnt we want to share it?

It is hard with no one around to help. I hoep you settle in soon and find a little help if you want/need it. We moved back here from overseas because with Zac's illness progressing, we found we needed help more often that we could get in a foreign country (although we miss Wales dearly!!!) And as I ahve already mentioned, asking for help is not my strong point.

I think this is a nice place to vent a bit so feel free anytime.

Blessings to you too,

[applejuice]

I cared for my FAther before he died in 2000.

I cared for my DH before he passed on in August 2003 of the same disease.

Now it is time for me to take care of me, I guess. I would give anything to still be caring for the people I love. I am still raising my 12 yr old DS, so I am not out of the woods yet.