or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Pregnancy and Birth › I'm Pregnant › So Scared, Please Help - Heavy Drinking Before I Knew I Was Pregnant
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

So Scared, Please Help - Heavy Drinking Before I Knew I Was Pregnant - Page 2

post #21 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by The4OfUs View Post

At 2 weeks post conception, I would not worry.  If you conceived Jan 17 or 18, and the 2 bottles of wine were around Feb 1, that's just 2 weeks (not 4), which I believe is just after implantation, isn't it? Implantation is around 10days-2 weeks. The stress you're giving yourself about this is probably worse than any alcohol was at that very early stage. Relax, deep breaths, mama.   

 

yeahthat.gif

 

Remember, we are a very hardy species. I totally get fear, and don't mean to minimize. But it doesn't sound like you blacked out or got so drunk that you needed your stomach pumped, and it was really really early. Both your liver and your uterus were helping to filter the bad stuff out of your bloodstream. I say treat yourself to something relaxing, like a pedicure or gentle yoga class.

post #22 of 46
Thread Starter 

I just wish that the doctor had told me to relax and not to worry about it.  He made it seem like fetal alcohol damage was a real possibility, in light of what I had to drink.  It was not a certainty, because he did say that he would not recommend that I terminate the pregnancy.  But still...if he had told me to go relax and have a pedicure, I would have listened.

post #23 of 46

My ob/gyn's never got into  date of conception that much.  They just glossed over my info and gave me the standard, "you probably conceived 2 weeks after the first day of your last period."  They don't take the time.  If you went on any fertility board and told them you have a 30 day cycle and the first day of your last period was Jan 4th, they will tell you that you probably conceived around Jan 20th.   Either way, you're looking at your baby being in the process of implantation around the Feb 1st binge.  The placenta hasn't even developed yet.

 

You sound a lot like me.  I want to control all the things that can go wrong.  I just had a conversation with my dh about this.  He is an awesome skiier.  And I can't get past skiing the beginner green runs.  He said the fun part is letting go and being a little out of control.  UM NO I want to be in total control skiing.  I don't want to fall!   He said that I'll never like skiing then!  Which is true!  

 

One thing that we do learn in life is that we can't have total control over all the possibilities of things going wrong.  ENJOY your first pregnancy.  This is your first baby.  You are already his or her momma!  Tell yourself to enjoy!  Enjoy your dh who wants you and wants your baby!  You have a lot going for you.  You have stopped drinking and you are working on your anxiety.  Look at all this baby has helped her mom to accomplish!   Motherhood has already changed you.  Allow yourself to enjoy the sweet little family that you are starting.  Think of what your baby looks like - little arms and legs.  He or she would fit in the palm of your hand.  You accomplished that!  You are almost ready for the second trimester with a little baby bump!   Enjoy the attention.  I have to tell myself this a lot being a mom.  I get all wrapped up in the problems.  And I have to just stop and enjoy being a mom.

 

take care!

post #24 of 46

I also think you'll be fine. I know many people who continued drinking like thee was no tomorrow until they found out they were pregnant. My friend in highschool was a stripper (and it was much more than just drinking) and didn't know she was pregnant until she started to show, her daughter is now in high school and perfectly healthy. 

post #25 of 46

That dr has me really upset for you.  He shouldn't have scared you like that.  If you abort you may be able to control the situation for a while.  But you may be adding other problems to your life.  Think of all the women on abortion boards that are still talking about their abortion months and years after they had it.  They are talking because it is STILL on their minds.  I don't want you to be talking about your abortion 5 years from now.  I want you to be taking your 5 year old girl or boy to the park.  I'm just so frustrated with your dr for being so judgmental.  I think his comments were more judging your drinking than really commenting on the medical state of your baby.  He just doesn't want to get sued.  I'm serious!  Doesn't he know how hard it is to go through and abortion. Of course not, he's a guy.   grrrr.
 

post #26 of 46
Thread Starter 

I guess this really is about control.  Having a child is a scary prospect anyway, and there is always some risk that something will go wrong.  But what I have struggled with is why I should live with this risk of fetal alcohol exposure.  I know that it doesn't sound too bad to be drinking before you know you are pregnant, but knowing how anxious I am about this pregnancy, if there was really no need to worry, my doctor would have told me not to worry.  If anything, he said that there is a reason to worry...he just can't tell me how much I should worry.

post #27 of 46

What's done is done, you can't change the past. Pregnancy is one big worry, if it wasn't this, it would be something else. For me it was going through a body scanner 3 times at the airport while I was pregnant. I knew they couldn't force me but I gave in to their threats and just to "show me who's boss", they had me go through 3 times. I thought if something happens, I could never forgive myself for allowing them to do that, but everything turned out fine. I know there still could be something that goes wrong in the future but we'll never know and I can't keep beating myself up over something I can't change anymore.

post #28 of 46
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escaping View Post

What's done is done, you can't change the past. Pregnancy is one big worry, if it wasn't this, it would be something else. For me it was going through a body scanner 3 times at the airport while I was pregnant. I knew they couldn't force me but I gave in to their threats and just to "show me who's boss", they had me go through 3 times. I thought if something happens, I could never forgive myself for allowing them to do that, but everything turned out fine. I know there still could be something that goes wrong in the future but we'll never know and I can't keep beating myself up over something I can't change anymore.

If it makes you feel any better, my doctor (the same one who made me feel like I will probably have a child with fetal alcohol syndrome) thinks that the body scanners at the airport are perfectly safe.  

 

I am sorry that you worried about the exposure from the scanner, and I'm not trying to downplay that.  I just thought you might want to know that the same doctor, who sees no need to downplay a potential risk, thought they were fine.

post #29 of 46

I've known a couple ppl who had a heavy drinking night or two before finding out they were pregnant and their kids were fine... just to add to the anecdotal evidence. I suspect it's actually fairly common. 

post #30 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by tsmith02162013 View Post

If it makes you feel any better, my doctor (the same one who made me feel like I will probably have a child with fetal alcohol syndrome) thinks that the body scanners at the airport are perfectly safe.  

 

I am sorry that you worried about the exposure from the scanner, and I'm not trying to downplay that.  I just thought you might want to know that the same doctor, who sees no need to downplay a potential risk, thought they were fine.

Thanks, that makes me feel better smile.gif

post #31 of 46

OP I would be looking for a new doctor if you don't feel comfortable. I too was one of those people that had a HUGE drinking night (work christmas party) a few days before finding out I was pregnant. And my daughter is healthy :)

I do think you need to listen to what the previous posters have said about the fact that while the due date things put you at "4 weeks" pregnant, you have to remember that the first two weeks are before you have even ovulated and then it could take another few days from the time of conceiving until implantation actually occurs. So most likely your baby was less than two weeks old at the time. I don't believe the placenta is even formed until a couple weeks after implantation and that's the only way alcohol would be able to get to the baby, otherwise like another poster said it's being fed by the yolk sack. 

 

I know people who have drank their entire pregnancy and been fine and I also know kids close in our family (adopted) who have FAS. Those babies were exposed to alcohol throughout their entire pregnancy. And you know what? They are awesome and amazing and smart and caring kids. You honestly wouldn't know they had an issue.

 

I honestly and wondering if there is something else going on OP? Everyone on this thread is reassuring you that everything will be fine and yet it doesn't seem like the help you were looking for. 

How are you feeling about the pregnancy? Were you guys trying to get pregnant? What other support do you have in real life? Can you go see a counselor outside of AA to talk to about dealing with your "control" feelings? Is there another Dr you can see?

I am one that always feels I need to be in control as well and honestly when it comes to pregnancy, babies, toddlers and kids you lose a certain amount of control. I think this may be something you could work on now and benefit from.

post #32 of 46
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by delightedbutterfly View Post

OP I would be looking for a new doctor if you don't feel comfortable. I too was one of those people that had a HUGE drinking night (work christmas party) a few days before finding out I was pregnant. And my daughter is healthy :)

I do think you need to listen to what the previous posters have said about the fact that while the due date things put you at "4 weeks" pregnant, you have to remember that the first two weeks are before you have even ovulated and then it could take another few days from the time of conceiving until implantation actually occurs. So most likely your baby was less than two weeks old at the time. I don't believe the placenta is even formed until a couple weeks after implantation and that's the only way alcohol would be able to get to the baby, otherwise like another poster said it's being fed by the yolk sack. 

 

I know people who have drank their entire pregnancy and been fine and I also know kids close in our family (adopted) who have FAS. Those babies were exposed to alcohol throughout their entire pregnancy. And you know what? They are awesome and amazing and smart and caring kids. You honestly wouldn't know they had an issue.

 

I honestly and wondering if there is something else going on OP? Everyone on this thread is reassuring you that everything will be fine and yet it doesn't seem like the help you were looking for. 

How are you feeling about the pregnancy? Were you guys trying to get pregnant? What other support do you have in real life? Can you go see a counselor outside of AA to talk to about dealing with your "control" feelings? Is there another Dr you can see?

I am one that always feels I need to be in control as well and honestly when it comes to pregnancy, babies, toddlers and kids you lose a certain amount of control. I think this may be something you could work on now and benefit from.

The bigger picture is that I am just really scared, and I cannot shake it.  I think it has to do with the doctor being so negative.  From what I've heard, this is a common problem.  You live life thinking you're not pregnant, and then bam, suddenly every mistake you made in those few weeks before then come back to haunt you, maybe for the rest of your life.

 

It would have been one thing if the doctor said "the chances of your child having FAS are low, although there is a chance."  What he said instead is that he cannot quantify the risk but that we might still be okay.  That's really scary, to me.  If I could even get a "you're 60-percent likely to be okay," that would have been helpful.  Instead, it's just a total question mark as to whether our child will have a severe disability or not.

 

I ABSOLUTELY crave control over this situation.  I would love to get pregnant again and NOT have anything to drink.  I was also not taking prenatal vitamins until I found out I was pregnant.  We are probably only going to have one child ever, and it scares me to think that our child could have a serious disability because of what I did, solely.

 

I know that there is always a risk that a child will be born with birth defects, but I still question whether this is a risk that I can live with for the rest of my life.

post #33 of 46
I hear you I do...

Can you find another doctor and can you see a counselor to deal with your anixiety over this and the control things.

I'm not a doctor but I'd be willing to say you have more than a 60% chance your baby will be fine. You are right there is no absolutes. You are going to screw up as a parent even when at the time you feel you are making the right choices. I completely understand the need for control, however nothing in parenting, pregnancy or birth can be controlled. We can prepare ourselves to try for the best possible outcomes but it doesn't happen.

I really think you need to consider a new doctor and to see a counselor for the anxiety/control feelings OP. The stress you are feeling is probably going to be worse on your body than the weekend of alcohol you had.

I get you want to control this situation and you are stressing out about what the doctor said... But you asked for help here, what help is it you are looking for?
post #34 of 46
I hear you I do...

Can you find another doctor and can you see a counselor to deal with your anixiety over this and the control things.

I'm not a doctor but I'd be willing to say you have more than a 60% chance your baby will be fine. You are right there is no absolutes. You are going to screw up as a parent even when at the time you feel you are making the right choices. I completely understand the need for control, however nothing in parenting, pregnancy or birth can be controlled. We can prepare ourselves to try for the best possible outcomes but it doesn't happen.

I really think you need to consider a new doctor and to see a counselor for the anxiety/control feelings OP. The stress you are feeling is probably going to be worse on your body than the weekend of alcohol you had.

I get you want to control this situation and you are stressing out about what the doctor said... But you asked for help here, what help is it you are looking for?
post #35 of 46

I think you've come a long way in this thread.  You are really exploring what is making you so scared.  Good for you!  

 

What I'm hearing is that you are scared because:

1) All of a sudden you find out that you have a surprise pregnancy.

2) Not only are you pregnant, but your vice of drinking heavily has finally had a potential consequence

3) You aren't sure if you are ready to be a mom

 

Is that right?   If so, here a few things to think about on each issue:

 

1) It's okay to be surprised and scared.  Sometimes life feels out of control.  We've all been there.  At some point the surprise and "freaked out" feeling will go away.  50% of pregnancies are surprises.  I personally think that God created our lives so we aren't in total control.  That way we know that there's a power bigger than us. 

 

2) Your surprise is filled with terror as you think of all the selfish things you've done not knowing you were pregnant.  No wonder you are terrorized by this.  That's a natural feeling too.  What if your baby is delayed in some way?  Not something that a first time mom knows how to deal with.  It's also exaggerated by your anxiety.  Then your Dr chooses his words the worst way possible.  Oy, it's the perfect storm!  Know that so many women here have had severe binges before they knew they were pregnant.  You are not alone in this.

 

3) When you get a baby before having the chance to process if you even want to try, it can make you step back and think.  You didn't have time to be ready.  It's okay.  So many new moms feel scared.

 

So I hear when you say that you ABSOLUTELY crave control.  You are freaked out!  You feel stuck in this pregnancy thinking of all the horrible outcomes. 

 

Maybe we should explore your worst fear.  Let's assume your baby is formed with severe developmental delays.  Is you life over?  For a first time mom, it would probably feel that way.  You've never raised a kid, and now you have one that is way more work.  What are your options?  1) If you are totally overwhelmed you can give the baby up for adoption.  No one would judge you for choosing the best for your child.  You can tell everyone that your anxiety is such that you cannot handle this.  2) You learn as you go.  At first your baby will want to eat, sleep, and be held.  His/her needs will be pretty basic just like all other babies at first.  As you would find out more about the delays you would educate yourself and put him in the therapy that he needs.

 

I think your baby will be fine!  But I just wanted to take you there so you can see what your options are if the worst happens.  Maybe facing your fears has helped? 
 

post #36 of 46
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by delightedbutterfly View Post

I hear you I do...

Can you find another doctor and can you see a counselor to deal with your anixiety over this and the control things.

I'm not a doctor but I'd be willing to say you have more than a 60% chance your baby will be fine. You are right there is no absolutes. You are going to screw up as a parent even when at the time you feel you are making the right choices. I completely understand the need for control, however nothing in parenting, pregnancy or birth can be controlled. We can prepare ourselves to try for the best possible outcomes but it doesn't happen.

I really think you need to consider a new doctor and to see a counselor for the anxiety/control feelings OP. The stress you are feeling is probably going to be worse on your body than the weekend of alcohol you had.

I get you want to control this situation and you are stressing out about what the doctor said... But you asked for help here, what help is it you are looking for?

I am seeing a therapist, but she recommended that I take anti-anxiety medication, which has its own risks for the health of the child.  I'm not willing to do that.  I really just want to find out if other moms drank as much as I did and what their outcomes were.  I feel like I need hope more than anything at this point, but hope based on real stories about women who really did what I did and decided to keep going with the pregnancy anyway.

post #37 of 46
So just for refresher and curiosity sake... I went and did some research.

Alcohol cannot cross into the yolk sac. The yolk sac primarily works until 6 weeks of gestational age at which time a primitive placenta is starting to take over. The placenta takes over completely from what I can gather any time between 6-9 weeks gestational age.

Alcohol CAN pass the placenta, however you say you quit drinking at 4 weeks 3 days. Therefore no need to worry about the alcohol crossing the placenta, baby should still be supplied by the yolk sac.

Also I tried finding the same findings you did on the gestation time frame and everything I can find is saying in weeks 4-8 AFTER CONCEPTION. Which would make a mother 6-10 weeks pregnant (remember conception usually happens 2-3 weeks after the start of your period) and fitting the timeline of when the placenta starts to take over from the yolk sac.
post #38 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by tsmith02162013 View Post

I really just want to find out if other moms drank as much as I did and what their outcomes were.  I feel like I need hope more than anything at this point, but hope based on real stories about women who really did what I did and decided to keep going with the pregnancy anyway.
I get that...

And it looks like you have gotten a lot of people saying they had heavy drinking (or worse) before knowing they were pregnant and their child is fine.

I am really sorry your doctor has scared you so bad. That is not ok. I am glad you are seeing a therapist, and I totally understand you not wanting to take anti anxiety meds. I wouldn't either greensad.gif I still say you should find a new prgnancy doctor however. One that will support the whole you including your need to be heard.

FWIW not only did I have a large drinking binge but I had a really stressful two months after I found out I was pregnant (no emotional support), I was on hormonal birth control and hadn't taken any vitamins since I was a young child. My child does NOT have FAS or FAE or similar. She's happy and healthy.

She DOES have a very slight learning disability however we've discovered that it is 99% probable it is hereditary. She could have gone her whole life without being diagnosed with this but she just has a kick ass and attentive mom wink1.gif even my husband didn't think there was anything wrong. But it was definitely not related to my HEAVY night of drinking...
post #39 of 46
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by delightedbutterfly View Post


I get that...

And it looks like you have gotten a lot of people saying they had heavy drinking (or worse) before knowing they were pregnant and their child is fine.

I am really sorry your doctor has scared you so bad. That is not ok. I am glad you are seeing a therapist, and I totally understand you not wanting to take anti anxiety meds. I wouldn't either greensad.gif I still say you should find a new prgnancy doctor however. One that will support the whole you including your need to be heard.

FWIW not only did I have a large drinking binge but I had a really stressful two months after I found out I was pregnant (no emotional support), I was on hormonal birth control and hadn't taken any vitamins since I was a young child. My child does NOT have FAS or FAE or similar. She's happy and healthy.

She DOES have a very slight learning disability however we've discovered that it is 99% probable it is hereditary. She could have gone her whole life without being diagnosed with this but she just has a kick ass and attentive mom wink1.gif even my husband didn't think there was anything wrong. But it was definitely not related to my HEAVY night of drinking...

If this is too personal, please let me know. . .but how far along were you when you had your drinking binge? Were you at 4 weeks like me, right at the missed period point, or were you earlier?

 

I'm glad that your daughter is happy and healthy.  It sounds like she is absolutely amazing.

post #40 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by tsmith02162013 View Post

If this is too personal, please let me know. . .but how far along were you when you had your drinking binge? Were you at 4 weeks like me, right at the missed period point, or were you earlier?

I'm glad that your daughter is happy and healthy.  It sounds like she is absolutely amazing.

Yep it was my work Christmas party... My BF (now husband) was with me and I am pretty sure I was "double fisting" double Long Island ice teas all night... So large amount of alcohol in every drink. My cycles were average 28-32 days at the time and I found out the next night or the night after...

Oh and right around the time we would have conceived I was also out partying with my friend for her birthday. She swears "that" was the night... wink1.gif
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: I'm Pregnant
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Pregnancy and Birth › I'm Pregnant › So Scared, Please Help - Heavy Drinking Before I Knew I Was Pregnant