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Alright, so maybe I'm the one being irrational.. (long) - Page 3

post #41 of 54

... that's part of my problem, he's from a different culture where people do not confront each other apparently (???)

or maybe it's particularly marked in his family of origin ?

so he's now "sulking" and not talking to them, nor e-mailing

(i suspect they are not sure/have no clue why ???)

post #42 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by journeymom View Post

 

 

You're referring to the OP's bil, right?  Because I don't think the OP would argue with anything you said. 

Of course. The OP was not the one who raised the drama - her BIL was the one.

post #43 of 54

coming late to the party --

 

I have the same name as one of my cousins. We are both Linda Lee. We've always had different last names, but as a child I thought it would be cooler if we had the same last name as well as first and middle names. (I think the names Linda and Lee are hideous together, but it just seemed funny that my cousin and I matched)  No one ever called me Linda 2 -- was just "little linda" or "the other linda" if there was a misunderstanding.

 

I really don't get the whole big deal over names.

 

And I am the evil sister who used names my sister felt belonged to her. My older DD is named after my mother -- same first and middle names. My older sister has the same middle name as my mother, so my sister is bitter and angry because I stole her middle name, and also because I named my DD after our mother, which she had no intention of doing, but was sure that it would make my DD the favorite granddaughter.

 

My younger DD's middle name is the same as one of the first names that my sister liked in case she had a girl. She has a DD who is a year younger than my 2nd DD, and her first name is one syllable different than my DD's middle name. (Basically the same name but with an "a" on the end.")  I don't see how that is a big deal, but my sister feels that I ruin everything. 

 

Whatever. May be it is because I have an older cousin with my same name and it never had any sort of negative impact on either of us that I cannot see why any of this matters.

post #44 of 54

My parents actually reused my sister's name! They got stuck in a Biblical-names pattern, which was fine, except they had six girls and started to run out of names they liked. Rather than resorting to Keren-Happuch or Jezebel, they took Daughter #2's middle name (Ruth) and used it for the first name of Daughter #5. They did ask Daughter #2 if she'd mind, but she thought it was awesome - she considered it an honour and a compliment, rather than stealing. No mental trauma involved. :p

post #45 of 54

am glad i gave 3 or 4 names to my kids =>basically 2 from each culture, from each parent

then we only had to agree on whose name would be first on the list

(DD1' has only 3 because we liked the same name)

 

we don't do middle names where i live

we cannot change the names later on (except via lenghty costly legal process, with a good reason)

& naming HAS TO happen within 3 days of birth

 

but we don't have to necessarily use the first one on the list, so there's a little leeway for later on in life ...

 

what i don't understand is that i spent 8 months researching names for my first kid

and yet the 3 we came up with ...

- were ALL in the top 10 of names choosen by parents that year

... i thought i was being original, they were "my" names .... why did i choose the same as everybody else ?????

post #46 of 54

Oh the drama, but it does pass. I married years before either of my sisters. 

 

Somehow I magically "stole" the never-shared name my littlest sister had "saved" for both of my girls, the first time when she was still in high school. She didn't talk to me for weeks when she found out their names. She's now done having babies, and had two boys.

 

Two years ago the other sister was pregnant, and went on a rampage when she found I had used our maiden name as a middle name for her then three year old nephew. It's not like it was a secret, she just all of the sudden got irate over it. Made all of our other family promise never to use his middle name out loud, etc. Truly weird and I am sure very hormonally driven. She had a little girl, and didn't get to use the name.

 

Anyway, I just ignored them and life went on. I'd name my kid what I wanted to name him, and let them fret if they insist on it.

post #47 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by IsaFrench View Post

what i don't understand is that i spent 8 months researching names for my first kid

and yet the 3 we came up with ...

- were ALL in the top 10 of names choosen by parents that year

... i thought i was being original, they were "my" names .... why did i choose the same as everybody else ?????

 

 

Yes!!  Same with our son!  lol.gif   We thought we were being original too, and his name ended up being the most popular boy name in the US that year, and for the next few years.  Weird.  We did give him a semi-unique spelling.  The spelling fits with dh's Scandinavian background. 

post #48 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarafi View Post

 

Two years ago the other sister was pregnant, and went on a rampage when she found I had used our maiden name as a middle name for her then three year old nephew. It's not like it was a secret, she just all of the sudden got irate over it. Made all of our other family promise never to use his middle name out loud, etc. Truly weird and I am sure very hormonally driven. She had a little girl, and didn't get to use the name.

 

Anyway, I just ignored them and life went on. I'd name my kid what I wanted to name him, and let them fret if they insist on it.

 

Interesting she freaked so much.  I used my maiden name for our son's middle name and would have given any other children the same middle name.  In fact, I know a number of families that have used mom's middle name for ALL their kid's middle names and their sisters have done the same too as a way of honoring the wife's side of the family.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by journeymom View Post
Yes!!  Same with our son!  lol.gif   We thought we were being original too, and his name ended up being the most popular boy name in the US that year, and for the next few years.  Weird.  We did give him a semi-unique spelling.  The spelling fits with dh's Scandinavian background. 

 

Ah yeah, us too.  One of our choices was so unique (without being weird or totally off the wall) we thought there was no way DS would ever encounter someone with the same name.  Turns out another little boy in his preschool class had the same name.  So much for being unique! 

post #49 of 54

Quote:

Originally Posted by Caneel View Post

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarafi View Post

 

Two years ago the other sister was pregnant, and went on a rampage when she found I had used our maiden name as a middle name for her then three year old nephew. It's not like it was a secret, she just all of the sudden got irate over it. Made all of our other family promise never to use his middle name out loud, etc. Truly weird and I am sure very hormonally driven. She had a little girl, and didn't get to use the name.

 

Anyway, I just ignored them and life went on. I'd name my kid what I wanted to name him, and let them fret if they insist on it.

 

Interesting she freaked so much.  I used my maiden name for our son's middle name and would have given any other children the same middle name.  In fact, I know a number of families that have used mom's middle name for ALL their kid's middle names and their sisters have done the same too as a way of honoring the wife's side of the family.

 

 

 

My sister, my brother and I all gave my father's first name to our 3 sons for their middle names. No big deal. It's a very cool name. There's no ownership in a name. I can understand the reluctance to repeat a first name in a family simply to avoid confusion. In the OP's case, I'd be upset about BIL's behaviour but I suspect that the argument about the name is just a symptom not the real problem.  

 

As an aside, I would use a maiden name as a girl's middle name. It is kind of odd that it would be considered off-limits for a girl's middle name. I agree that it's a fairly common practice for families to use maiden names as middle names for all children, boys and girls. In fact, it has been very trendy for a while to use surnames as a girl's first name. There are lots of girls named Taylor or MacKenzie or Campbell or Madison and so on these days.

 

The only person who gives me grief about any of my kids' names is DD. She longs for a more distinctive name. We gave her a very popular name. I knew it would be an issue but I had loved it since I was a kid, when it wasn't as popular. I just couldn't let the name go. If I could go back in time, I would probably give her a different name but she really does suit the one she has. It's classic, beautiful, strong and lyrical. It's just too bad that everyone else thinks so, too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

post #50 of 54

The maiden name kerfluffle is weird. It's not like you didn't share the name with all your siblings to start out with! I used my maiden name as my dd2's middle name. I think sometimes she wishes for a girlier middle name, but she likes her first name. I could see where, depending on the maiden name, it might not work for a girl name. If your maiden name was Ryan or Bryan or something that would be an unusual name for a girl. I could see it as a middle name, but as a first name people would always assume the child was a boy. Likewise if your maiden name was Leslie or Hope or something people would assume that was a girl, but you could use them as a maiden name.

 

Anyway, I think the BIL is being a jerk. I see the OP has edited out most of her posts. OP hope you can come to some decision that gives you peace of mind and sorry you have to deal with a jerky BIL. 

post #51 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post

coming late to the party --

 

I have the same name as one of my cousins. We are both Linda Lee. We've always had different last names, but as a child I thought it would be cooler if we had the same last name as well as first and middle names. (I think the names Linda and Lee are hideous together, but it just seemed funny that my cousin and I matched)  No one ever called me Linda 2 -- was just "little linda" or "the other linda" if there was a misunderstanding.

 

I really don't get the whole big deal over names.

 

And I am the evil sister who used names my sister felt belonged to her. My older DD is named after my mother -- same first and middle names. My older sister has the same middle name as my mother, so my sister is bitter and angry because I stole her middle name, and also because I named my DD after our mother, which she had no intention of doing, but was sure that it would make my DD the favorite granddaughter.

 

My younger DD's middle name is the same as one of the first names that my sister liked in case she had a girl. She has a DD who is a year younger than my 2nd DD, and her first name is one syllable different than my DD's middle name. (Basically the same name but with an "a" on the end.")  I don't see how that is a big deal, but my sister feels that I ruin everything. 

 

Whatever. May be it is because I have an older cousin with my same name and it never had any sort of negative impact on either of us that I cannot see why any of this matters.

I have four cousins with the same first name as me - we are all named after our grandmother. I also have 4 cousins named Arthur, after our grandfather. None of us were traumatized by it. Maybe because we were from part of the world where the naming of children was to honor other family members, rather than to win uniqueness points.

post #52 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by choli View Post

I have four cousins with the same first name as me - we are all named after our grandmother. I also have 4 cousins named Arthur, after our grandfather. None of us were traumatized by it. Maybe because we were from part of the world where the naming of children was to honor other family members, rather than to win uniqueness points.


This thread was begining to remind me of Big Fat Greek Wedding where all the cousins are Nick or Diane.

post #53 of 54
How about that old show Newhart? "I'm Larry. This is my brother Daryl. This is my other brother Daryl."
post #54 of 54

So in addition to two Linda Lees, my first cousins include David Lee, Robert Lee, Kevin Lee, Richard Lee and Dorthea Lee.

 

Our grandfather's first name was Lee.
 

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