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Need advice on how to tell inlaws about our pregnancy...

post #1 of 2
Thread Starter 

So my dh is very anxious about announcing our sixth pregnancy to his parents.  They have never been thrilled about any of our baby announcements and feel that each child takes away from our resources (although we support our children completely on our own and never ask for anything from anyone and do a darn good job of it to!).  We are thrilled about our newest addition, but know that as soon as we tell them, they will start in on him.  He feels VERY stressed by parental disapproval.  He asked me last night if I could just talk to his mom and tell her.  I don't feel that that is my place, I feel like we should do it together or he should tell them himself.  But I'm worried about how this is going to stress him when they start harping on him, he's already literally making himself sick over it.  I'm almost 13wks and I know we won't be able to hide it for much longer.  Part of me would like to talk to his mom and maybe explain that he has been very stressed at work and has been feeling anxious about telling people, because of the negative comments he might get.  Maybe I could ask her if, when she announces it to her friends, she could make sure to add that we feel very blessed and excited so that her friends won't make negative comments about our family size?  Would it be to obvious that I am actually talking about them?  Perhaps if she hears how that the negative comments stress him, she will feel inclined to be nicer about it?  They are the only people we are actually concerned about telling and I won't have to deal with the backlash, because they will act polite and excited to my face and only get after him on the phone.  I really don't know what to do here, any suggestions would be welcome:)

post #2 of 2
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamaw/two View Post

Part of me would like to talk to his mom and maybe explain that he has been very stressed at work and has been feeling anxious about telling people, because of the negative comments he might get.  Maybe I could ask her if, when she announces it to her friends, she could make sure to add that we feel very blessed and excited so that her friends won't make negative comments about our family size?  

 

I don't feel like that is totally obvious you're implying it is them.  My MIL feels that even our third child is too much of a stretch on our resources, so I get, to some degree, the stress.  When we told them, we just didn't waver on our excitement (even though we were SCARED inside!) and I felt I had to really fake my uber-excitement to counteract any potential negativity.

 

I think what you've suggested above is great.  Come to it with a bright attitude and emphasize the truth that every baby of yours is a wanted baby and that you're concerned about the negative comments from others.  I believe in your and your husband's efforts to create a loving and close family, and that's more important than how people feel that you should spend your money.

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