Baby is 2 weeks old.... I think I want another one (in a few years), DH wants a vasectomy

[Chloe'sMama]

Hi there-

DH and I have 3 wonderful children (4.5, 2.5 and 2 weeks) and before DS was born, I was satisfied being done....

Now, I can't imagine this being the end for us.  I don't know if it is the postpartum hormones or if I really want to have another baby.  I know there is no rush (while I am getting older and am 34 next week) and we can decide later, but DH wants to have a birth control option in place by 3 months (although, fertility never returned for me until 15-20 months postpartum).  He seems to want to have the vasectomy scheduled soon... YIIKES.  

I should add that whenever I talk about it, he says it is not a good time to talk... but he doesn't get upset or anything when I say I want another, or at least the option.  It seems like he is not COMPLETELY closed to the idea, but 95% sure he is done.

What do you think, will the desire pass, or will I forever be sad that we didn't have another?

[owlhowl]

After my third baby I had crazy baby fever for about 8-9 months, then the feelings went away and are now coming back (ds3 just turned two). Though my heart is leaning towards being done..and it's hard for me to admit that.
I definitely felt "done" when I was pregnant and was eager to move on feom the baby phase.

[crayfishgirl]

I had serious baby fever following the birth of both of my littles (now nearly 2 and 4 years).  However, I didn't mention it to my husband, who was shell shocked both times.  We had discussed two children, and he is very convinced that he is done (he stays home with the kids and is looking forward to resuming a career).  I'd have another in a heartbeat though, and find I sometimes have a hard time and grieve the third baby we won't have (if I stayed home with the kids he'd probably be more open to a third).  It's not something we discuss anymore because he is so sure and I understand his desire to move out of the baby phase, but I know that if I discussed having another baby with a 2 week old his head might have exploded.

Maybe give it some time and ask that he hold off on anything permanent until you settle into being a family of five?  In any event, I hope its not too all-consuming for you.  I know for me it was, and following the birth of our second the all-consuming desire was tinged with sadness/grief.
 

[Chloe'sMama]

I am having a bit of sadness thinking about being done and I really want to know that there is the possibility.... :(

[owlhowl]

I totally understand. I am sad thinking about never having a baby again! I love the dynamic our family of 5 has though
Just...babies....babywearing...breastfeeding a newborn...ohhh my ovaries!!!
<3

[trekkingirl]

It kills me that guys always think they should be the ones to decide these things. Aren't we the ones that are more invested? 

[owlhowl]

Hmmm..not in our case. Pregnancy is rough on me (super sick, bedrest for the last trimester my last 2 pregnancies) and then surgical births and PPD..so I can appreciate DH not wanting to go through all of that again.

[katelove]

I had a tubal ligation during my second c/s. the first few weeks afterwards were horrible. Even though we had always planned for two children and I don't enjoy being pregnant. I cried everyday at the thought that I would never be pregnant or have a newborn again.

She's 3.5mo now and I still feel a bit nostalgic but not devastated and I am enjoying seeing her grow and looking forward to the next stages of her life.

I would suggest doing nothing permanent before 3 months. You can always use condoms, you'd have to use them for a couple of months after a vasectomy anyway. Then, once the hormones have settled down see how you feel then.

[htcmom]

There are lots of birth control methods that are not permanent. I would wait at least a few months to make such a big discussion.

[Chloe'sMama]

Thanks ladies-

I think I am going to get a diaphragm and hope dh will wait for a while to doxanything.....hopefully we can talk about it soon too.

[lizsky]

DH and I have talked a lot about family size and knowing when to stop and what "feeling done" entails.  We have two children (ages 3 & 1) and we both would like one more child, but beyond that we are unsure.  We aren't there yet, but our plan is that once we both "feel done" we will wait one year before doing anything permanent to see if we still feel done.  While its annoying to use alternate methods of birth control, I feel like permanent birth control is such a big decision, that I'd rather spend a year using other birth control and have peace of mind about the decision than to make a decision that I might come to regret.  

[organicviolin]

Some food for thought as well, I have heard from several sources that a family of say 5 was "done" had some permanent birth control and then the rest of the family was killed in a car accident or other freak accident leaving one survivor. The survivor always "regretted" having the permanent done (if that was the survivor) due to the fact that there was no way of having more kids after that. Or at least much more difficult. They didn't want to replace their previous family or anything but wanted the option of rebuilding in that way.

[Peony]

This was us after #3 as well. I ended up refusing to let DH get a vas because it was a decision we needed to make when both of us felt completely done. We did FAM and condom combo which quickly gave us #4! I knew I was 100% done during that pregnancy but we did wait until he had just turned one for DH to get snipped.