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Support system for us non-vaxxers

post #1 of 13
Thread Starter 

I have to say, sometimes it's hard being a non-vaxxer . . . I feel like I'm wearing a scarlett letter or something.  I've been judged (pretty harshly) in the past because of my decisions not to vax my kids . . . . thankfully my dh's side of the family has been super supportive; mine, not so much.  Plainly put, I've learned to shut my mouth.  What people don't know, they can't judge.  *shrugs*

 

School's a big one for me, I feel like if my kid's classmate's parents knew my kids were unvaxxed, they would freak out on me . . . so imagine my GLEE when I discovered one of the little girl's in my youngest's class is unvaxxed as well!  In chatting with the parent, and discovering that she doesn't vax, I feel like I have an instant support system, someone who understands me completely, won't judge me . .. it's a great feeling!

That's also why I love coming to this board . . . I feel . . . welcome.  :)

What other resources do you use for 'support'?

post #2 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bronwen13 View Post

I have to say, sometimes it's hard being a non-vaxxer . . . I feel like I'm wearing a scarlett letter or something.  I've been judged (pretty harshly) in the past because of my decisions not to vax my kids . . . . thankfully my dh's side of the family has been super supportive; mine, not so much.  Plainly put, I've learned to shut my mouth.  What people don't know, they can't judge.  *shrugs*

 

School's a big one for me, I feel like if my kid's classmate's parents knew my kids were unvaxxed, they would freak out on me . . . so imagine my GLEE when I discovered one of the little girl's in my youngest's class is unvaxxed as well!  In chatting with the parent, and discovering that she doesn't vax, I feel like I have an instant support system, someone who understands me completely, won't judge me . .. it's a great feeling!

That's also why I love coming to this board . . . I feel . . . welcome.  :)

What other resources do you use for 'support'?

I keep my mouth shut too! Its nobody's business anyway.

 

I am a member of my local holistic moms group and many of the parents there do not vax and others are super selective/delayed and certainly do not judge no vaxing families. I also have several friends IRL who do not vax which is nice. Also here. 

post #3 of 13

I'm lucky that both sides of our families support our decision not to vax.  As far as everyone else, most people don't know. I certainly won't be bringing it up with the mom's at school. I would love to find like-minded mom's IRL, but they seem few and far between. There are also other things besides vaccines that set us apart from the other families, as we're pretty crunchy. It's so nice to have the mama's here!

 

ETA: I'm in the Lower Mainland area as well!


Edited by Chloebelle - 2/26/13 at 1:25pm
post #4 of 13

I feel very much like you do. DH's side of the family has been respectful of our decision . . I wouldn't go as far as saying they've been supportive, but they've accepted the fact that this is the decision we've made for LO. My mom is the only person on my side of the family that knows. My grandmother is an RN and would go bonkers if she knew we don't get LO vaccinated, so it's just not worth telling her in my opinion.

 

I wouldn't say we boast about our son's vaccine status, but DH and I both don't mind sharing things we learn on vaccines on Facebook . . I'm pretty sure people get the general idea of how we feel about vaccines because of that lol :-) That said, no parent has ever declined allowing their toddlers to play with our LO just because he's not vaccinated. The only problem we've ever had with him not being vaccinated was an extremely rude comment from an ER doctor.

post #5 of 13
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chloebelle View Post

I'm lucky that both sides of our families support our decision not to vax.  As far as everyone else, most people don't know. I certainly won't be bringing it up with the mom's at school. I would love to find like-minded mom's IRL, but they seem few and far between. There are also other things besides vaccines that set us apart from the other families, as we're pretty crunchy. It's so nice to have the mama's here!

 

ETA: I'm in the Lower Mainland area as well!

 

*waves*

 

I'm in Vancouver . .. . you?

post #6 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bronwen13 View Post

 

*waves*

 

I'm in Vancouver . .. . you?


Tri-Cities :)

post #7 of 13
I don't vaccinate and it is so difficult. We have been kicked out of 3 drs offices in the past 2 years.
post #8 of 13
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommamonkey9 View Post

I don't vaccinate and it is so difficult. We have been kicked out of 3 drs offices in the past 2 years.

That's horrible, being kicked out of a dr's office.  Sigh.  Thankfully, I have a dr. who doesn't pressure me about vaccinating my kids . . . she'll suggest, but doesn't bug me further. 

post #9 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissCee View Post

I feel very much like you do. DH's side of the family has been respectful of our decision . . I wouldn't go as far as saying they've been supportive, but they've accepted the fact that this is the decision we've made for LO. My mom is the only person on my side of the family that knows. My grandmother is an RN and would go bonkers if she knew we don't get LO vaccinated, so it's just not worth telling her in my opinion.

 

I wouldn't say we boast about our son's vaccine status, but DH and I both don't mind sharing things we learn on vaccines on Facebook . . I'm pretty sure people get the general idea of how we feel about vaccines because of that lol :-) That said, no parent has ever declined allowing their toddlers to play with our LO just because he's not vaccinated. The only problem we've ever had with him not being vaccinated was an extremely rude comment from an ER doctor.

Yah we're in the boat where most people get the gist of how we roll bc we don't 'not' talk about it, but it's moreso because certain friends or family got pushy in their questioning that we sort of pushed back and now they are the ones who keep their mouths shut - most of the time.  My family is great about it, my mother has a co-worker who's in her 60's and has never been vaxxed and I love talking to her.  My IL's don't necessarily agre wih he decisions we've made (MIL works in the hospital doing office stuff and their neighbor is a very much by-the-book pediatrician) but I'm so beyond my limit with her (MIL) that all it takes is for her to to ask if DD got any shots and I get nasty - so she doesn't ask much anymore. 

 

I feel that loneliness when I'm around a group of strangers with DD like at the park or the library or even with some of the mom's in the neighborhood bc they all vax and the coversations somehow always come to shots and sickness and I bite my lip and either pretend not to hear or walk away to 'check on' DD so I avoid any questions.  I was with family around Christmas, not super close/only see them occassionaly and they started to talk about the flu vax and how great it was and all the prescriptions they are on and how so and so has cancer again and I had to walk away, I just couldn't take it. 

 

I do slightly dread when DD is in school and I worry how I'll find anyone like minded - you can't really walk around at open houses with a sign "non-vax, hippy crunchy family seeking like-minded friends for social outings" shrug.gif

post #10 of 13

Yeah, sometimes it feels like walking on broken glass. I did find a couple of mamas here in the area who are also non-vax. They were very reluctant at first to come forward though with their views and why they don't vax or stopped vaxxing. I wish there would be more people to talk to about it. Most parents I know though are all for the shots just bc the doc tells them to do them. Very pushy these 2 ped offices we have here about vax. We had to find another office which is a little further away but they just had me sign a waiver and now it is not even brought up anymore. So happy about it. I am very glad too that I have found mdc. Still doing research and so far have not regretted making the decision for taking this path with my kids.
 

post #11 of 13

I promise it does get easier!  My almost 9 YO is  vax free and has never been to a pediatricain.  It was difficult in the early years, play groups etc. where the subject came up all the time - family holidays when people would ask how she did with 'her vaccines' etc.  Now, it's a complete non issue except for the occasional phone call from the school nurse informing me that there is a case of something going around the school and she has to inform me that I should call my ped and get his/her advice on dealing with this crisis - we both get a chuckle about it because she knows I don't give a hoot and won't be running out to a doctor to get her shot up with the vaccine for whatever is going around -  but she has to call me. I just got one of those calls last week that there was a possible case of CP in her grade, but not her class - and she was sorry she couldn't tell me who it was so I could expose DD...
 

post #12 of 13
Hi there ladies
I have an eght soon to be nine week old LO and am super nervous/avoidant about the subject. The only one I can talk with is one of my sisters who also didnt vax her daughter (she is now five and has literally never been sick vs my other sisters boy who did every vax and is always sick has asthma and a whole other list of probs). Im so glad I found this site for many issues this being one of them. When folks ask about it my intended reply I think will be sth like oh you know its such a debated tooic I dont want to discuss. But I think that makes it pretty evident that im novax...its a real shame we all just cant be who we are without fear of judgement. Good luck to you all and thanks for the supportive posts!
post #13 of 13

I talk about it less and less because of the reactions we've received from my family and from a few others... some of them scary.  (A few people love to threaten CPS when confronted with a non-vaxer.)  But that said, my close circle of friends know.  All but one vaccinates their kids, but they've been supportive and non-judgmental.  So we feel blessed with that.  Our school nurse supports non and selective vaxers -- a rare and precious thing in New York.  A bunch of moms in my food co-op don't vax, and even though we aren't close, they're a resource. 

 

Like the OP, I randomly came across a woman in my son's pre-school who stopped vaxing for the same reasons we did, and wow, what an extraordinary feeling to talk openly to someone who understands this!  Don't we all need that sometimes.

 

Too bad we all can't get together.  I'd make margaritas (virgin and otherwise) and toast our choices, our kids, and a healthy future. 
 

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