Again, I should have chosen my words more wisely. I was upset last night, and I've had some time to calm down. I didn't mean to imply that being gay is abnormal, just that her life will be different. She can't get married, having kids will be so much harder for her, people who don't even know her will hate her, etc. I realize that she may want different things out of life than I want for her, but it is still hard to let my vision go.
I can understand where you are coming from, since my mother had the same reaction towards me. She became angry and upset and it lead to us not speaking for 3 years. I was a senior in college when she stumbled upon some poetry I had written about a female friend who was more than a friend.
Either way, I'm sure you don't want that kind of break with your daughter. My mother and I wasted a lot of time. I eventually found out her 'anger" was from fear she had of people treating me badly, and my life not being happy. She said some of the same things you said in your original post to my face. The result wasnt pretty.
I assume your reaction is from the same thing. fear over your daughter's future and the fear that you don't know how to be a part of her life. All your visions of your little girl growing up and getting married and having babies with you there by her side are ruined. You don't know what to do?
Your daughter can get married. I am getting married this July and my mother will be there, the mother of one of the brides. (Were getting married in a state where is it legal and having a ceremony in our state where it isnt recognized)
You can have grandchildren, trust me, it not as hard as it seems. Were working it out with my mother there the whole time tell me how to parent. (eek)
Don't worry about how others will react. You just being there for her will make all the difference. Some people who I was once close to said horrible things about me in front of my mother. What they said didn't matter, what mattered was my mother coming to my defense and telling them to keep my name out of their mouth.
You reaction, your support is going to be more important that what ANY other person says.
My mother confronted me in anger, and it led to a strained relationship for years. You could always do what my father did. Turn on a lgbt program and ask her opinion. It worked for me and he then just said. "You can tell me anything, I will always love you."
I'm sure her reasoning for not telling you, if she is a lesbian, is just because she is scared that she will lose your love. Assure her that she wont lose you, and it will make it easier for her to open up to you.
If you want to chat, you can message me.