I have been a single mom before (for many years, actually) to my now 6yo. I started dating my DP about three years ago and we have a 6mo. I was totally thrilled to *finally* have a family (my daughter's father is really not involved very much and there isn't a chance in hell I'd ever get back with him) and do all of the things that I painfully witnessed the married/partnered couples around me do with their children. I have always lived a very rich life and I have a really active social life (which absolutely includes my children), but I felt lonely and isolated as a single mom. I really, really longed for a partner to experience the highs and lows of childrearing with. all of that said, imagine my thrill when DP and I found out we were expecting, got it together, moved in and really did become a family of sorts. for a while, our relationship was awesome and I couldn't believe how blessed I was (still am).
so, it looks like our relationship is finally coming to an end. it's been riddled with a lot of pain and rage and trouble for its entire duration, but the reprieve that we experienced while parenting our DS gave me hope that we could move past our past and start a new journey together. here I am now, angry and sad and bitter that DP gets to mosey on down his bachelor road and get back to his "old" life (he was childless when we met) and I am now the single mother of two children from two different fathers and truth be told, I am terrified that no one will ever want me and I will never have another baby again. I know that sounds so silly but I so long for a big family and lots of littles and I just fear that that will never happen for me. I suppose the best course of action here is to just trust that the universe (I'm a believer...I have to be, for my own sanity) will give me exactly what I need and the life I am meant to live with unfold before me. and at my core, I really do believe that my life is much better in the hands of some sort of power greater than myself, as I have a history of some questionable decision making :) while trusting that what is meant to be will be, I am still in a heap of great heart ache over all of this. I don't even know how much of it is actually over my DP - there has been enough damage in our relationship to finally push me into the dreaded indifferent state of mind towards him. I just feel sad that I may never get to be pregnant again or nurse a newborn baby again or experience labor with a partner again or have someone to go to school functions with and cry to and bla bla bla. there is a lot of fear. and anger towards my STBX for getting to live his life like NONE of this ever happened or mattered.
cookies for you if you made it all the way to the end of this post. I'm sorry, I just had to vomit somewhere, I guess. no one IRL wants to hear about this stuff from me. I have to turn to the internet now lol.
anyways, thanks for listening. does anyone else share these fears? can anyone shed some light on this for me?