Taking a moment to use the PC and set-up my leave of absence from work. Little worried that it looks like I may not be eligible for short term disability because I had baby at home and not at a hospital. I'll have to call HR and find this out because this is a shock and means I have 6 weeks less of leave.
Baby is stable, she opened her eyes a few times yesterday and it was so wonderful to see those little blue eyes. I'm really looking forward to when she can cry so I can hear her.
I break down a lot. The first few days, I'd start bawling every time I saw a pregnant woman, just thinking about when I was anticpating her coming, and feeling those last wild kicks right before she was born. She flipped from posterior during the pushing stage and that was the craziest sensation, and made it possible to see her two pushes later. Now, I tend to bawl at the sight of toddlers as I wonder whether she will be able to keep up with kids her own age when she gets there. Pete keeps telling me to try to just get through each day, but I need to think of her outside of this setting so I can remember that there is an end to today.
I spend my pumping time flipping through the iphone photos I took of her randomly over the weekend when we were home. The hospital staff is SO supportive of breast feeding and I'm stocking up their freezer for when she can finally eat. The LC here is fantastic. I pumped for 3 years of my life at work and I still learned something new when she came in to talk to me. Apparently my little ladies need bigger cones because you want to allow the ducts near the aeriola to also express into the pump.
My parents live close, and that's been nice, but REALLY stressful with my mother. She sits nexts to me and cannot just let us sit in silence. She needs to hear conversation and if no one else is talking, she talks. And talks. And talks. She wants make assumptions about what I'm thinking of feeling and then decides that everyone in the room needs to know what she thinks I am thinking and feeling at that moment, then the next moment, and the next moment. I feel like screaming "SHUT THE F*** UP!" but I do believe that would be frowned upon in a children's hospital setting. Honestly, I'm crying, do you think anyone needs a translation? And, she makes up what it was the set me off. Then when I get made, she gets defensive and I'm the evil person. She is flying out to visit my brother and his wife and new baby, ticket already in hand, I am releived. I am a little upset that she CHANGED the dates so that she will be out of town during my kid's spring break. I had asked her months ago for the kids to come visit for a few days after our new baby and she made airline tickets during that entire week? WTH? And now, with us here in Seattle and the kids at home with my MIL, what do I do during their spring break in 2 weeks? They cannot stay here? My SIL's baby is 4 months old and in day care. Couldn't she come home a week earlier than originally planned? My baby sister is in grad school and her spring break coincides with the kids. She's offered to go stay at my parent's house with my dad to watch them and that is a relief, but she has her thesis to finish before June and I feel bad about that.
Well, it's time to pump. Thank you for all the prayers. She needs as many as we can send up.