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March Chat Thread - Page 2

post #21 of 527

bmcneal - if it were me, I'd tell mom "thanks but no thanks" and ask my friend to please take care of it. You're not on good terms with your mom anyway, she's stressing you out and honestly, so what if her feelings are hurt. This is about YOU and celebrating YOUR baby.

 

 

AFM-  by my u/s dates, I'm 36 weeks today. yikes2.gif How did THAT happen!! My mw is coming for the home visit today and my house is trashed - relocating our shop plus the plague we've had for the last month has really put a damper on getting things sorted and situated. Thankfully dh and i are both home today to get stuff done and we have a couple of hours still before she's going to be here! EEK!

post #22 of 527
Quote:
Originally Posted by firespiritmelody View Post

bmcneal - if it were me, I'd tell mom "thanks but no thanks" and ask my friend to please take care of it. You're not on good terms with your mom anyway, she's stressing you out and honestly, so what if her feelings are hurt. This is about YOU and celebrating YOUR baby.

 

 

AFM-  by my u/s dates, I'm 36 weeks today. yikes2.gif How did THAT happen!! My mw is coming for the home visit today and my house is trashed - relocating our shop plus the plague we've had for the last month has really put a damper on getting things sorted and situated. Thankfully dh and i are both home today to get stuff done and we have a couple of hours still before she's going to be here! EEK!

 

DF already asked her (because I asked him to, I'm nervous about etiquette all the time), and she said no, because she doesn't/didn't want to make my mom mad. I guess I could ask her again, and explain the situation, but I don't want to make her uncomfortable, either.

post #23 of 527
Quote:
Originally Posted by bmcneal View Post

My friend tried to talk to my mom about co-hosting, and my mom was, I guess kind of rude and said she didn't need help, to just give her the addresses, which... kind of upset me, TBH, because I'm not 100% sure my mom is even *going* to throw the shower. She keeps saying "Oh, I need addresses for the shower invitations." and when I try and talk to her about it, she's like, "Oh, I'm not really planning anything." so I don't know *what's* going on with her, except for she's the kind of person that would assure me she's throwing me a shower, me get all excited about it, just for the day to come and turn out she hadn't planned one at all. She's not very nice, and I *really* wish she hadn't talked to my friend and my friend would have been able to throw it for me, since I *know* she's excited about it, and would actually want to.

 

The worry about the meet the baby party is less about the bunch of people being around the baby (though that is also a concern), but more (irrational) paranoia about someone finding out about the baby and passing it to ex-boyfriend, and him harassing me more.

Oh, wow, I'm sorry, I didnt realize how things were with your mom.  In that case, I guess maybe tell your friend to go ahead with whatever plans she had in mind, and just totally stay uninvolved with your mom's plans. Just tell her you are the "guest of honor", not the host, and that if she wants to host a party it's completely in her hands, and don't bother or talk to you about it.  Really, it's not worth the stress to you.  This sounds too much like wedding-planning stress.  I'd just remove yourself from it, and if there turns out to be a party, then show up if you feel like it.  As for the issue with your ex, parties aside, I think it would be challenging to hide from your friends that you have a baby at some point, so I wouldn't cancel a party just for that. But if it really worries you, ask your friend if there's a delicate way she can make your wishes known to your other friends as she invites them.

post #24 of 527
Quote:
Originally Posted by firespiritmelody View Post

bmcneal - if it were me, I'd tell mom "thanks but no thanks" and ask my friend to please take care of it. You're not on good terms with your mom anyway, she's stressing you out and honestly, so what if her feelings are hurt. This is about YOU and celebrating YOUR baby.

 

Do you think that would be okay? I was thinking of doing that, but I'm always worried about coming across as rude.

AFM-  by my u/s dates, I'm 36 weeks today. yikes2.gif How did THAT happen!! My mw is coming for the home visit today and my house is trashed - relocating our shop plus the plague we've had for the last month has really put a damper on getting things sorted and situated. Thankfully dh and i are both home today to get stuff done and we have a couple of hours still before she's going to be here! EEK!

 

Holy cow! It's going by so fast! You're due before me, but that still means that I have... I don't know how long, but not enough time to get everything done that I would like to get done before baby is here. yikes2.gif

post #25 of 527

bmcneal: Sorry... no advice here. I hope it works out though! I know how it is to have problems with your mom.

 

My mom has had a major freak out with every birth. The last was the worst... it was really bad. She yelled at me when I was in labor, and yelled and hung up on me when I called her to tell her I had the baby. Then she locked herself in her room and wouldn't come out while we were in the hospital. She refused to watch my kids, so my dad had to do it, and she forbid him from bringing them to see us at the hospital. It was horrible. All because when I told her I was in labor, she told me to leave for the hospital, but I said I going to wait until my doula/midwife got there (she was on her way) to check me. Oh- and then when we came home and the kids met the baby for the first time, she flipped out and yelled at us because we handed the baby to my dad before we gave it to her. I don't know what her deal is. Some times I wonder if it's jealousy. At any rate, I am praying she will be calm and happy and... well... normal this time. I actually have a lot of anxiety about this. I was able to keep DH from going off on her last time, but if it happens again... I won't be able to and, to be honest, I won't even try. 

post #26 of 527
Quote:
Originally Posted by cagnew View Post

bmcneal: Sorry... no advice here. I hope it works out though! I know how it is to have problems with your mom.

 

My mom has had a major freak out with every birth. The last was the worst... it was really bad. She yelled at me when I was in labor, and yelled and hung up on me when I called her to tell her I had the baby. Then she locked herself in her room and wouldn't come out while we were in the hospital. She refused to watch my kids, so my dad had to do it, and she forbid him from bringing them to see us at the hospital. It was horrible. All because when I told her I was in labor, she told me to leave for the hospital, but I said I going to wait until my doula/midwife got there (she was on her way) to check me. Oh- and then when we came home and the kids met the baby for the first time, she flipped out and yelled at us because we handed the baby to my dad before we gave it to her. I don't know what her deal is. Some times I wonder if it's jealousy. At any rate, I am praying she will be calm and happy and... well... normal this time. I actually have a lot of anxiety about this. I was able to keep DH from going off on her last time, but if it happens again... I won't be able to and, to be honest, I won't even try. 

 

Thank you! I'm not sure what I'm going to do, yet.

 

My biological mom was like that, kind of. When she found out I was pregnant with DD, she told me I was ruining my life, and how was I going to take care of a baby, and all those things people say *NOT* to say to a pregnant person. When DD was born, via unnecessary c-section, she told everyone that DD and I nearly died. eyesroll.gif When she found out I was pregnant with DS (Because I didn't even tell her. She found out from one of the tellers at the bank. I'm not sorry.), she started telling everyone I should have an abortion. My foster mom (Who I refer to as my mom now, even though we don't get along for crap...) was the one who told her about this pregnancy. She hasn't said anything to me, but then again, beside the trip down there in January, I don't really talk to her. She's very negative, and controlling in a "feel sorry for me, I'm so helpless kind of way." (Part of me understands why she's this way; she's blind, and my grandparents never really taught her anything, they treated her like she would never amount to anything, then she was married for 26 years to my biological dad, who treated her like crap and was very abusive, as well as disabling her from doing things on her own, like hiding her clothes from her, leaving knives sitting out where she could get hurt by them, things like that. But that doesn't mean I approve of it.)

post #27 of 527

BMC Neal: I'd also tell your mom no.

 

regarding the pump: I used the Ameda Purely Yours and it worked great. There are some areas where it beats the PIS as well.

 

Regarding Moms: my mom and I usually don't get along but she was awesome after my last baby was born. MIL came after my first two were born at DH's insistence. I have now realized that my IL's may possibly be to blame for the severe panic attacks I suffered during the last 3 pregnancies. I have hardly had any this time and they were mild. The major ones did seem to happen in times when we were visiting them a lot like holidays and the summer.  The big difference is not seeing them.  They were so bad and I was afraid to tell DH how awful they were being towards me while he was at work after the first two were born.  They didn't help but offered LOTS of criticism and with the second child they told my first she didn't have to listen to me when I told her she couldn't sass me and asked her to please back away from the baby and I.  They threw a fit when we wouldn't let them witness my first taking a bath because the only way she wouldn't cry was if I got in the bath tub with her and nursed her while dh washed her.  This time the mild anxiety attacks I think are centered around worrying that they will show up uninvited or that DH will decide to leave me for them and try to take the kids.  I finally stood up to them about a year ago and based on their reaction DH said we didn't have to see them again but they are very manipulative and I worry a lot about him choosing them instead one day.  I waited 10 years to stand up for myself and it makes me sad for DH that it came down to this. We even offered them a chance to apologize and try to actually get to know me as a person through e-mail and online instead of thinking of me as someone who stole their son and is the evil mother of their grandchildren but they refused.  We didn't tell them we are having a baby but I put it on FB so I know that some of his family probably told them and I worry about when word gets out. 

post #28 of 527
Quote:
Originally Posted by bmcneal View Post

My friend tried to talk to my mom about co-hosting, and my mom was, I guess kind of rude and said she didn't need help, to just give her the addresses, which... kind of upset me, TBH, because I'm not 100% sure my mom is even *going* to throw the shower. She keeps saying "Oh, I need addresses for the shower invitations." and when I try and talk to her about it, she's like, "Oh, I'm not really planning anything." so I don't know *what's* going on with her, except for she's the kind of person that would assure me she's throwing me a shower, me get all excited about it, just for the day to come and turn out she hadn't planned one at all. She's not very nice, and I *really* wish she hadn't talked to my friend and my friend would have been able to throw it for me, since I *know* she's excited about it, and would actually want to.

 

The worry about the meet the baby party is less about the bunch of people being around the baby (though that is also a concern), but more (irrational) paranoia about someone finding out about the baby and passing it to ex-boyfriend, and him harassing me more.

I think this is one of those moments I'd tell mom to back off and let your friend throw it. It doesn't sound like you want your mom to throw it, and it isn't fun to get your hopes up just for it to not happen.

post #29 of 527

Wow, big hugs to all of you who are stressing about your families.  I am so sorry.  grouphug.gif 

 

I feel really lucky that  I have such good relationships with my family.  My mom passed away 10 years ago, but the time we did have together was really good.  My IL on the other hand, do not handle stress well.  When I was in the hospital to have baby's heart monitored, DH asked them to watch DD because "we have to run some errands."  lol.gif  I think he filled them in, just a little with minimal details, later on.  We do not plan on letting them know when we go into labor, and have a friend lined up to take care of DD.  Just don't need that kind of energy projected on us or DD.  Today I was considering not even telling them that the baby was born until we were able to come home from the NICU.  I think I will already have a hard enough time without them hanging out worrying/being weepy.  (We should only be there for about 3 days for observation and to get an initial dose of his/her medication worked out, but still.....  the thought of my baby in the NICU is kind of freaking me out.  I was offered to have a tour set up so I could check it out in advance, but I think I'm way too hormonal right now, and do not think I would handle it well.)  Anyways, I doubt we would be able to wait until we came home to announce baby's birth to my IL....  For the rest of our LO's life they would be celebrating his/her birthday 3 days late.  lol.gif  Really they are mostly harmless and sweet, though they drive DH up a wall.  Oh and they live next door to us!  LOL!  I do not think they know that DH is out of town, but DH did tell some friends of ours who live about a mile away, in case I needed anything.

 

In other news, I lost all my meals except for a handful of almonds and a bagel with some peanut butter on it, yesterday.  That is even including the delicious dinner that DH prepared for us: baked flounder and two deli salads.  greensad.gif  I really think it is still this medication I'm on, plus the stress of DH being gone for the next 4 days.  I took my first dose of Zofran after dinner, (pre bagel) and will take it every day DH is gone, if I'm too nauseous.  I need to be functioning for DD, all the farm animals need to be cared for and we have some sheep that are getting close to lambing.  It will be a long 4 days.  Luckily I do have some help coming (and no, it isn't my IL next door.  Even if they knew he was out of town.... they are the generation that the farming gene skipped.  They would watch DD for me, though, while I tried to get my pregnant body to haul water, lift buckets of feed and move hay bales. eyesroll.gif).  

 

I miss DH already.  I also realize that I have been really relying on him these last couple of months.  It was really nice today to do a bunch of the farm chores myself.  Even if I couldn't do everything that I would normally do.  Yea! for our awesome farm volunteer who is coming to help me finish up some loose ends in the morning, and fill in the rest of the time DH is gone!  love.gif

 

Oh and DD (3yo) picked me a flower today.  love.gif  I think DH talked to her before he left about being extra good while he was gone... there was probably some bribery in there too, since DD was talking about how she missed daddy, that he had to fly on an airplane to go to  work, and that he was going to bring her a present.  At this point whatever works! thumb.gif  

 

Oops!  Just saw the time.  I have to get up early tomorrow.  G'night all!  sleepytime.gif

post #30 of 527
Cali- how funny, we live on a farm next door to my IL's too!!! (Well, about 1/4 mile away is "next door" here anyway...LOL)
post #31 of 527
Today my little man turns 3! It also marks the 1 yr "anniversary" of my shocking emergency ectopic surgery/7th loss. Kind of weird to think last year at this very time I experienced my first real emergency of my life...and my first surgery. Yucky memories.

Contracted for a while last night after I got up to pee at about 12:45. I am used to BH and everything at this point but this is the earliest (33w) I've had "real" ones with any baby so here's to hoping it's a good sign. LOL
post #32 of 527
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1babysmom View Post

Today my little man turns 3! It also marks the 1 yr "anniversary" of my shocking emergency ectopic surgery/7th loss. Kind of weird to think last year at this very time I experienced my first real emergency of my life...and my first surgery. Yucky memories.

Contracted for a while last night after I got up to pee at about 12:45. I am used to BH and everything at this point but this is the earliest (33w) I've had "real" ones with any baby so here's to hoping it's a good sign. LOL

Happy 3rd birthday, little man! I'm so sorry his birthday also comes with the territory of the ectopic hug2.gif

I've been having serious contractions throughout this whole cold I've had, I was actually tempted to go into the ER last night, but they went away after a bath.

post #33 of 527

Derr, it's March and not Feb....

Quote:
Originally Posted by firespiritmelody View Post

bmcneal - if it were me, I'd tell mom "thanks but no thanks" and ask my friend to please take care of it. You're not on good terms with your mom anyway, she's stressing you out and honestly, so what if her feelings are hurt. This is about YOU and celebrating YOUR baby.

This is what I would do too. I hate how some mom's can be so self centered.

 

AFM-  by my u/s dates, I'm 36 weeks today. yikes2.gif How did THAT happen!! My mw is coming for the home visit today and my house is trashed - relocating our shop plus the plague we've had for the last month has really put a damper on getting things sorted and situated. Thankfully dh and i are both home today to get stuff done and we have a couple of hours still before she's going to be here! EEK!

OMG! yikes2.gif I keep thinking, "I am 32 weeks and 1 day...WHICH IS ALMOST 33 WEEKS!!!" haha

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by cagnew View Post

bmcneal: Sorry... no advice here. I hope it works out though! I know how it is to have problems with your mom.

 

My mom has had a major freak out with every birth. The last was the worst... it was really bad. She yelled at me when I was in labor, and yelled and hung up on me when I called her to tell her I had the baby. Then she locked herself in her room and wouldn't come out while we were in the hospital. She refused to watch my kids, so my dad had to do it, and she forbid him from bringing them to see us at the hospital. It was horrible. All because when I told her I was in labor, she told me to leave for the hospital, but I said I going to wait until my doula/midwife got there (she was on her way) to check me. Oh- and then when we came home and the kids met the baby for the first time, she flipped out and yelled at us because we handed the baby to my dad before we gave it to her. I don't know what her deal is. Some times I wonder if it's jealousy. At any rate, I am praying she will be calm and happy and... well... normal this time. I actually have a lot of anxiety about this. I was able to keep DH from going off on her last time, but if it happens again... I won't be able to and, to be honest, I won't even try. 

My mom was kind of awful like that with my first baby. When I told her I was pregnant at 10 weeks, she wanted to know "if it was planned?" (this was 3-4 months after getting married) and why I didn't tell her earlier. Then when I was getting induced because baby was stillborn she kept trying to kick DH out of the delivery room and when the nurse asked the parents to leave because I was going to start real active labor she said, "Oh, did you want to do this on your own honey?" Umm, no I am doing it with my husband you psycho! Ugh! Then I found out that while she was in the waiting room while I was delivering she told DH's parents not to worry because I would most likely be having another one by that time next year.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1babysmom View Post

Cali- how funny, we live on a farm next door to my IL's too!!! (Well, about 1/4 mile away is "next door" here anyway...LOL)

We live next to my IL's farm! too funny. We are a mile down the road.

post #34 of 527

Happy birthday!

 

Thanks, everybody! I know it's not the most popular opinion, and probably not the best one, but my friend has already let people know when my mom was planning on doing it, and at least one person has changed their plans so as to be able to attend, so... I'm going to just let my mom throw it, and hope she actually does. By now, with people knowing when/where it's going to be (despite invitations not having gone out yet), she'll be the one to look foolish if she doesn't follow through, and... I really just don't feel like arguing with her anymore. I appreciate y'all's opinions, and especially being so nice to me. :)

 

I don't live on a farm (but wish I did), but we live next door to my parents, too.

post #35 of 527

Too funny 1babysmom and Bailey!  We are 1/4 mile by road, or 1/2 mile if we take the safer walk through the woods.  

 

bmcneal: Oh, I was picturing your parents living farther away.  Perhaps we should start a support group for those who have family in such close proximity.  There are advantages, but some days it is just too much.orngtongue.gif 

post #36 of 527
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cali2SC View Post

Perhaps we should start a support group for those who have family in such close proximity.  There are advantages, but some days it is just too much.orngtongue.gif 


yeahthat.gif  !!! I live across town (like 8 whole minutes!) from both my parents AND my DH's parents...sometimes it's awesome, and sometimes it's just...NOT. :P

post #37 of 527
I live 1,800 miles away from my parents. And even further from my in-laws (not that I'm complaining about the latter)!
post #38 of 527
Quote:
Originally Posted by omphaloskepsis View Post

yeahthat.gif   !!! I live across town (like 8 whole minutes!) from both my parents AND my DH's parents...sometimes it's awesome, and sometimes it's just...NOT. :P

Similar here....besides being on the same property as my IL's, my ENTIRE family lives 15-45 minutes from us. Parents, silings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, some cousins, etc. It is totally a blessing to know my kids are growing up knowing all these people so well. There are certainly some frustrating times but overall I love it and wouldn't change a thing! smile.gif
post #39 of 527

We lived near DH's family for one year. It was all we could stand it.  The free baby sitting was nice but they wanted dd ALL. THE. TIME. and they expected to have input (read: their way) in her upbringing.  If they could not treat us as if we know nothing about children and life, it would help.  I'm at the point now though that with the baby, I intend to ask at the first criticism:  How many babies have you had?  2?  Well this is my fourth. I think my experience with babies might outweigh yours at this point.  My mom vows to keep her mouth shut though LOL :D

post #40 of 527

My MIL lives 45 minutes away and I feel that's way too damn close hahahaROTFLMAO.gif

Bmcneal: Is there any way to kind of...plan it for your mom if you notice she's failing to put it together and just give her the hosting credit(if you have etiquette snobs in your social circle, that is)? That way the people planning on attending didn't switch plans around for nothing, you get your baby shower, and mom stays happy?

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