Originally Posted by MarineWife
JJ ~ Sounds like it's pretty obvious why your dh had the problems he had when he was younger. I don't know that I'd cut all ties with them. Since they are your ILs I think it's up to your dh to make that decision. However, I would distance myself from them. Don't ask them for anything anymore. Be available if/when they ever want to start acting like decent people but don't put yourself out there for them. KWIM?
Not much going on here. Day 2 with dh gone and I'm busy, busy, busy. I feel like cleaning the entire house. When he's home all I want to do is sit on the couch and knit. I guess I'd better take advantage of it.
By the way, does anyone know how clean pink mold off a refrigerator without using bleach?
Oh totally. Almost all of his issues including the prescription drug addiction, stem from his childhood/teenage years living in that house. Toxic just really is the best way to describe it. And the funny thing is that from the outside, they are a totally normal picket fence family.
I guess I don't really mean cut ties-- I mean I have no intention of -never- seeing them or avoiding family events because they'll be there. More like you said where I'm just done attempting to get anything from them or attempting to have a relationship. I'm just so done with being judged (Did I tell you guys she told my SIL that she feels bad for Tenley and that next time she comes over to babysit she'll have to bring new toys over so they'll have something to actually play with because there's not enough here...), and trying to tiptoe around them only to be treated so poorly, and behind my back at that. And a lot of it is the SIL that live at home there too. She's 22, but still very much acts like a child. Or like a hormonal pregnant child. She doesn't drive, but also pretty much refuses to take the bus. She works part time, and is in university part time- like 2 classes I think this term, last class she only took one- (5 is FT). But she has like the most insane needs-- she'll get off work at 4pm, and then demand to be taken to go get sushi-- like a 35 minutes drive the other direction from home-- and her mother will take her. She doesn't do -any- chores at all, and has a laundry list of food restrictions (diet imposed, not allergy) that they MUST cook for her. She'll wake up randomly on a Saturday morning and demand to be driven to the mall RIGHT NOW. Anyways... so basically half their lives revolve around her needs. And she's just... whiny, especially when things don't go exactly her way. Like you'd expect from an 8 year old, not an adult. So dealing with MIL and FIL means dealing with her.
I think sometimes I like being more productive when DH isn't home for two reasons-- A-- then he doesn't know how long it takes, and thinks I slaved all day. ie if Tenley is playing no her own, I can clean the whole fairly fairly well within 1.5 hours or so, but in the same amount of time, he could barely get the living room clean. So when he sees the house clean, he assumes I must have worked all day long. So I get more praise and acknowledgement than if he's home.
And second, when he's not home, he's not interfering, and I can do things my way.
Originally Posted by akind1
JJ: your in laws definitely sound like cutting -ties-with worthy. How is your DH feeling about the situation? All that would drive me bonkers.
Also: thank you for the reminder aboout your friend - it helps me to stay humble when I'm feeling a bit down to see people who need more zen than I do. She and I have the same due date :) And yes, to the prodromal hell. It comes and goes. Next time I get a good spate of time, I'm doing the breast pump again. I need him OUT. I hope she gets the birth she needs. and such hugs on the loss of her oldest. A birth and death this close together is both difficult and (can be) healing.
So obviously, nothing exciting to report here. I'm still pregnant, and should not be surprised that I am, but I had so HOPED this one would be different. *sigh*
He's angry too, but of course it's his own parents so it feels odd. But he did say that yeah, we're done making an effort. I'm glad he's mostly on the same page.
Yeah, I just really can't imagine what she's going through. And I didn't even have to deal with prodomal labor at all. I was telling DH about how you've been goingt hrough bits of it off and on for weeks, and how I think my head would explode if I had to go through that. You're a strong mama, I admire you. DH was like but... I don't understand, aren't you in labor then? How... how... he couldn't wrap his head around the idea of having to basically be in labor for days and weeks on end!
Someone said to her, and I thought it was a really nice thought, that perhaps Ezra passed away before the baby was born so that their souls could meet over there before the baby was born, where they were both whole and present. I think she got a lot of comfort from that idea. Ezra's been sick for the past year, and there's a good chance that had he gotten sick and passed after the new baby came, she wouldn't have been able to be with him at the end and/or get to have him met the baby because of infection concerns.
Anyways--- She did end up having the baby today! Baby girl, 12:40pm like 6lb 5oz I think and 19inches long, which seems sooo tiny to me. To realize that Tenley was over two whole pounds and almost 3 inches bigger is crazzzzzy! I'm hoping she got a chance to sleep overnight a bit. When I stopped talking to her she said they'd spaced out to every twenty minutes, so that was her plan anyways. She said all in all it was her easiest labor yet, and they were all home by 5pm too (birth centre birth). So jealous of her right now. lol
Originally Posted by akind1
One thing I'm really grateful for is that Gabe is respectful of Norah's sleep. Loves to say "shhhhh baby sleeping" he likes to watch her sleep, which is a mixed blessing. Norah, OTOH, likes to climb all over Gabe while he sleeps.
I really wanted a nap today, but Norah woke before I could get one.
I need to do more cleaning with DIY products.
Oh that is the worst when you get to that point of "ok, I think I'll lay down and nap with her now..." and then 2 minutes later she wakes up. blargh. Hope you get some rest tonight.
I don't clean with a lot of truly natural stuff. We keep trying and finding that it's just not doing the trick. Our bathroom cleaner is dawn/vinegar and it works fantastic. For the kitchen and general dusting we use Mrs. Meyers, which I call "mock green". It's not as bad as most grocery store brands, but I'm not fooled into thinking it's truly natural. And we use all out mainstream crap for our dishes. We had green stuff but they weren't getting clean at all.
Random thought of the day-- For the first time since before Tenley was born (ie before my husband was off work really...) we have a few thousand dollars in our savings account. As long as we keep going as we are, it should finally get a chance to slowly build itself back up again. *phew* It felt like we kept finding one thing after another that we were spending money on. It's nice to even be putting a little bit into savings now, and it should go up with DH's new job.