March 2013 Chit Chat - Page 9 « Back to Group Discussions

[Abraisme]

I also soak beans and lentils. As the others said it leaches out the bad stuff and turns them into a living food.

We are selling the puppies. Not that we were going to keep one, but my ILs said no puppies at the lake house!

We had onion, mushroom, squash, chicken and Parmesan stir fry over a bed of baby spinach for dinner. With a dessert of homemade raspberry coconut milk ice cream.

[Jaimee]

Soaked and sprouted lentil take about 20 minutes to cook.

[KayPea]

We had coconut curry with lemongrass soup for lunch, with bread. Wild salmon burgers with artichoke hearts and roasted potatoes and really garlicky homemade Caesar salad (fighting off this flu, and our Caesar dressing is the best way to get lots of garlic). Tomorrow is chicken soup with kale. Jaimee, we love the combo of black beans and sweet potatoes and kale in our Mexican fare. We did a taco bar for community supper last time, and the bean-kale-sweet potato combo was a big hit.

[KayPea]

Aah... posting from my computer. Much better. Whew, it's hard to keep up with you ladies. 

Jaimee, what you said about the village was right on. This is pretty much what I have been longing for, and trying to build, or find, or whatever, since emerging from the fog of PPD with Mirabel. What I have learned about tribe-building is that it takes a lot of work. In a lot of cases/places, if you want a village, you really have to work at it. It took me a long time to find my people, and when I finally did, I moved. Ha ha. Sigh. But that was the benefit of living in a progressive West Coast city - it may be pretty much unaffordable, but there was a lot of amenities, a lot of support, a lot going on for mamas, and a lot, and I mean A LOT of fucking amazing women raising babies in rad and radical ways all around me. My neighbourhood was full of arty, AP mamas working at the community centre and running into each other at the park and making coffee runs to the hipster market for each other, and trading child care and having playdates and running craft workshops and lectures and doing yoga and canning together etc etc etc. (OMG, why did I leave again?) but it was still a lot of work to be there in all that and still I wanted MORE of a village, and MORE of a connection with these mamas. (Plus it was unaffordable, and an inner city neighbourhood with a lot of addiction issues, and we had housing issues) 

But then my bestie and I started hanging out more and more with our kids, and cooking meals at each others' houses for both families, and doing chores at each others' houses while we were there and I thought, yes, this is it. And that pretty much led to us living in this farmhouse with both families (minus her ex) here at the Ecovillage. Which really is a village, really and truly. This intentional community that I live in, their guiding principles are pretty much to live in the way that you guys have been talking about, and it's really awesome. I'm still integrating though, and I definitely don't yet have the connection with the other parents here that I had back in Vancouver, but I think we could get there. There are 30 kids here, and most, if not all, were raised with some kind of AP-ish philosophy. They are all the sweetest, most curious, passionate yet respectful bunch of kids that I know. 

I'm laying it out like this because I think I'd taken for granted what I had, and have, and thinking about NOT having these parents in my life, well, I don't know where I would be. Kind of like working it out on paper message board. There are definitely lots of other kinds of struggles once you really start participating in community (boundaries, emotions, differences to name a few) and you really have to do a lot of TALKING, a lot of hashing things out and it can be exhausting. But so rewarding. I feel like I am learning more about myself every day, and growing. Being a better me. But it is sometimes easy to let these things overwhelm, and overshadow the benefits, because it really can be a lot of work (sometimes I just would like to go a day or two without having to delve into the depths of my feelings, you know? Or to not have to talk Ecovillage politics, or neighbours' business.) And well, living here with another family, I have been learning a thing or two about the need for space. This is why we are possibly moving out of this house, and into our own family home. Nearby. 

And I have one suggestion for those of you looking for other like-minded mamas - just before we left the city, we were going to a nature-based outdoor playgroup called the Vancouver Forest Nursery (http://vancouverforestnursery.org/), and there I met the most amazing group of women (and men) yet. There is something about meeting together in the forest or on the beach or in a meadow or a garden that really brings the best of mamas (and papas, though mostly mamas) together, to be powerful together, and to make a community together. I really encourage you to search out something like this, and if there isn't one like it near you, to start one. It isn't hard. Just a Facebook page and maybe a weekly visit to the forest. Sonja, I sent you a link to the one my friend started in Victoria. 

And hey, if Abra's South American village isn't your thing, how about an Ecovillage in Western Canada? We have 20 acres of farmland....

[KayPea]

Goodness, that was a novel. 

And I do want to answer some of the questions that were asked about my situation, but I got excited by this conversation, and now I have to run. Soon. 

[seraf]

Kirsten, I'm glad it's mostly working out for you. My experience with intentional community was that it was a whole lot of meetings. Arguing with each other and eventually my ex leaving me for the neighbor. Lol, not my cup of tea at all. My community was smaller but I so wouldn't do it again.

When we moved (just now), the house is basically 1 room smaller. The dining room was mostly a family and the living room was at the other end of the house. The layout of this house is much more central so we are tripping over everything and everyone now. S picks things up and sets them down all over the floor. Sara really wanted the front room to be open but I'm thinking (hoping) that if we break it up into separate spaces, it will be easier to keep the walkways clear. What do y'all think? If you had a room 15x30 ft and needed a living room and dining room in there, how would you set it up?

[seraf]

The white lines and curve on the left and top are doors. The white lines on right and bottom are windows. The orange triangle is a gas heater and the lines by it are bookshelves. The green is the futon. The brownish thing is the table and chairs, but I forgot the bench to its left. There are also toys all along the bottom wall. As I look around, the boxes getting out of here will give us more space, but my big issue is feeling like I'm tripping over everything all the time. Ideas?

[Abraisme]

Sara, can you take a few photos of the room too?

Wouldn't it be awesome (and a very interesting story) if several of the people in our DDC moved to South America?? We have been in contact with a guy there that is about to buy land and start his own Eco village. He currently lives in 1 with a focus on art/music, but wants to create one with a focus on permaculture and sustainability. George is going to spend a couple of days with him when he goes down.

[Jaimee]

Originally Posted by Abraisme 

Sara, can you take a few photos of the room too?

Yes, photos would help!

And it would totally be awesome to live together in our little DDC village, but I cannot move again for many, many years or I might go insane.

[Abraisme]

I totally get that Jaimee.  I moved A LOT as a kid (I've moved around 30 times in my life so far!) and I really, really, really just want to pick a place and stay put.

[birdhappy85]

Sora successfully went potty in her potty seat twice yesterday!  I wasn't planning to start potty training for a few months but I thought I'd experiment since I pretty much know when she's going to have a bm every morning. It worked!

This morning I've been instructing her to tell me when she needs to go potty. When I look her in the eyes, explain things, and ask if she understands -- she nods and says, "Yeah!" (She responds very appropriately with yes and no, nods and shakes these days.) Lo-and-behold, a few minutes later she grabbed me to follow her and ran to the bathroom impatiently. I set her down on the potty and she clearly needed to go potty but I think was too impatient to sit long enough because she hopped off, squatted, and peed all over the floor mere seconds later. Oy... lol. I was just shocked that she KNEW the urge was coming and guided me to the bathroom! How the heck does she even know that? She must really truly understand everything I say to her.

Should I continue to potty train for real since she's eager to cue me? I know several people have suggested I not potty train til she's at least 18 months. She is acting like she wants to, though. No pressure on my end at all. Maybe I should just continue catching a few here and there for "fun" (lol) and read up some more on how to approach potty training before REALLY doing it. I have absolutely no idea what I should be doing besides what I already am doing instinctually.

[Becky Wheeler]

After I had Casey I struggled tremendously with identity. I was mother/wife. That was it. I couldnt figure out what exactly why I was depressed until my therapist noticed all I talked about was everything surrounding my kids and Billy. We made out a pie chart of what my life currently consisted of and then what I might want it to look like. I had things I had enjoyed doing before having kids and I lostthose things somewhere along the way. I wasnt just a mom and wife. I was a writer, a runner, a social butterfly. I had been separated from friendships for almost two years.

[ZippyGirl]

Our nuts, seeds, grains, and beans are sprouted.  I am not very organized when it comes to meal planning, so I tend to buy stuff that has already been sprouted and then dehydrated at low temps.  Not ideal, so I should really get on the ball with soaking and sprouting myself.  For breakfast, though, when we have oatmeal, I soak the oats overnight with yogurt and water.  ACV or lemon would work as well.

I am very grateful for my mom friends.  I met almost all of them through DD's parent-toddler classes at our local Waldorf school.  Six years on, and we are all still close friends, and I know I can count on them for anything -- though some have moved out of the area.  The school is like a family, and I am really mourning that it is coming to an end for DD.  It only goes through kindergarten, so she has to move to a new school for first grade.  Fortunately, the Waldorf schools we are considering both have families from her parent-toddler and kindergarten classes.  For moms who are looking to connect with other moms, if there is a Waldorf school in your area (and if Waldorf is something that might resonate with you), it might be worth looking into.  They also often have scholarships available -- even for parent-toddler.  One of our regional  Waldorf schools has a "pay what you can" policy, which makes it available to families that might not otherwise be able to send their kids there.  

We're trying to figure out where we want to end up.  I know I can't raise my kids here in Connecticut.  It's too stressful and high strung.  Right now, we are trying to decide between the Berkshires in Mass or Vermont.  But after our last snowstorm, Hawaii is looking more and more attractive!!!!

[Jaimee]

Originally Posted by birdhappy85 

Sora successfully went potty in her potty seat twice yesterday!  I wasn't planning to start potty training for a few months but I thought I'd experiment since I pretty much know when she's going to have a bm every morning. It worked!

This morning I've been instructing her to tell me when she needs to go potty. When I look her in the eyes, explain things, and ask if she understands -- she nods and says, "Yeah!" (She responds very appropriately with yes and no, nods and shakes these days.) Lo-and-behold, a few minutes later she grabbed me to follow her and ran to the bathroom impatiently. I set her down on the potty and she clearly needed to go potty but I think was too impatient to sit long enough because she hopped off, squatted, and peed all over the floor mere seconds later. Oy... lol. I was just shocked that she KNEW the urge was coming and guided me to the bathroom! How the heck does she even know that? She must really truly understand everything I say to her.

Should I continue to potty train for real since she's eager to cue me? I know several people have suggested I not potty train til she's at least 18 months. She is acting like she wants to, though. No pressure on my end at all. Maybe I should just continue catching a few here and there for "fun" (lol) and read up some more on how to approach potty training before REALLY doing it. I have absolutely no idea what I should be doing besides what I already am doing instinctually.

That's awesome!  The thing with the potty is that there appear to be windows of opportunity, at least in my experience.  So when they are little like this, they are often very open to trying it, but sticking with it?  Maybe not so much.  I found 17ish months about the earliest that kids could stick with it reasonably well.  But I know in the "olden days" kids were being trained at 15 months.  I think that at this age, they can understand, but without a lot of help, cannot be relied upon to express the need every time.  So I think you might end up with a lot of accidents and it could get frustrating if you're really trying to make it work.  But if you keep it light and try to be available to take her often you could get on your way for something more permanent a few months from now.  Potty training can be a slow process of the child taking the lead or a faster process where you really intensely work at it.  I have found, though, that after about age 2 things start to be more difficult for a lot of kids b/c they enter the phase of independence and not wanting to do what is asked of them.  Age 3 can be better, but some kids continue to go through sassy phases at that point, which can get in the way.  So depending on the kid, there may be windows here and there when they aren't exploring "I don't want to do anything mom says" and then you might be able to push the potty training.

Personally, I'm going with Avery's motivation right now and taking him to the potty much more often than I had been.  He's started going on the toilet now and loves that.  He'll pee and poop on the toilet now, which makes this process so much easier.  If I took him regularly enough (like very 30-60 minutes), we could be out of diapers right now, but I'm not quite ready for that commitment.  That's hard when you're driving around, running errands, taking trips, etc.  I'll keep encouraging him and in a few months after his teeth are in and the weather warms up so he can be bottomless, then I'll push it.  We usually start with letting them run around without diaper/pants and just following them with a potty until they get the idea of going in the potty each time.  We offer frequently each hour and cut down from there.  Offering once an hour is usually where we stay for quite some time.   With Avalon this took a week.  With Austin this took 2 days.  I think with Avery it will be about the same.  Now this doesn't mean accident free.  Not at all.  But this means able to be diaper free with minimal accidents that make it worth it to be diaper free.  Most kids can be potty trained in this fashion pretty early, but don't expect them to initiate the need to use the potty for a while after that (some do, certainly, but not most, I'd say).  With both Avalon and Austin it wasn't until they were over two years old that they started to self-initiate (so this means we were offering about every hour for a loooooong time) and by three they were generally accident free.  Avalon was diaper free at night by 2.5 years, but Austin still wears a diaper at 3 years. He's usually dry, but sometimes doesn't make it to the bathroom quickly enough in the morning.   

And remember, every child is different and temperament plays a big role in potty learning.  How much water they drink and how often they typically poop also affects things.  A kid that poops every other day might have an easier time of it than one that poops three times a day.  A kid that has to pee 2x an hour will have a bigger challenge than one that pees once every 2 hours.    Anyway, we can start a whole potty training thread if that appeals to people so we can share challenges, methods, tips, encouragement, etc.

[seraf]

I agree with most of what Jaimee said. We had pretty reliable kids around 18 months, is the only difference. When I took O off wheat, his bladder capacity jumped about to where A and S are/were. S has to have pants on or he will pee freely. If he has pants on he initiates more than not.

[Autumnshades]

I am going to wait till Eli is a bit older - he tells me after he is done that he needs a clean diaper.  But he drinks A LOT and he POOPS a lot all day long - it will take longer to potty him I think.  :D

[seraf]

So here's my messy living room. Shoot me ideas if you have any?

Also, have I whined enough lately? Ideas for kitchen storage? I have lots of windows and doors in there, too.

[Abraisme]

I've never done any EC and I've also never been able to convince or catch a pee/poop in the potty before 24mo.  Olivine learned easily and on her own right after her second birthday.  It only took a couple of days before she was in panties and telling me when she had to use the potty most of the time.  She had maybe 1-2 accidents a day for a couple of months, then she was good the majority of the time.  I started potty training Cyan at 2.5yo (this is when I put him in underwear), but he wasn't really fully trained until 3.5yo and still had accidents frequently until age 5!  It was frustrating and time consuming.  After that I decided to wait until the child showed initiative on their own..  George had a friend come over the other day with his 20mo that is potty trained.  She had 3 accidents while at our house.  Yes, she might be able to do it most of the time at home, but if anything exciting is going on she didn't remember to go.  All kids get it sooner or later and making it stressful in any way is bad for all.  Like Jaimee, I will probably start potty training or regularly offering the potty to Coralie this summer when she can go naked more.

Sara - It's so hard to say about that room.  There seems to be a lot of built-in things taking up wall space?  Any way to move the TV or that desk in the corner?

[Abraisme]

I just sold the last 2 puppies!  Whew, we got a good average price for them, so I'm glad.  We will still have 1 puppy here until the 22nd, which means that he will be left all alone for over a week.  I suspect we're going to have to move him upstairs with the family and block him in the kitchen.  It would be too sad to leave him by himself in the basement.  

I'm having crazy baby fever today.  My AF still hasn't come back yet, but maybe this is a sign?!  This is by far the longest that I've gone without an AF (12mo and 13mo before), but I'm not really complaining!  Baby fever is so irrational and hormonal, geesh, we are over-whelmed as it is!  I just wish my hubby was better at using protection because sometimes I don't make good choices..  No more kids this year!

[seraf]

Abra, the only built in is the bookcase the TV is on. The TV can move, but Sara wants the couch to point straight at it. Like we can't turn our heads. The desks and toy boxes can all move.