It does take work to not yell... And I am not perfect, but I am trying to be more patient and remain calm...
Edited by Autumnshades - 3/29/13 at 7:50am
When it was just Avalon I didn't yell either. And there were also rarely consequences for anything, except natural ones, until she was older and could understand "making things right" and had more empathy. But with more than one child, the yelling began b/c Avalon was older and her behavior toward her baby brother was unacceptable over and over and over again. Now Avalon and Austin are older and their behavior is often infuriating toward each other or, in Austin's case, with his toys or toward his baby brother. The more years I go without decent sleep, the worse it gets, too, and it was worse while pregnant (as most things are!). So it's something I've grown into, unfortunately, and I'd like to grow out of it. I keep telling myself that it will be better when Avery sleeps, and I do believe it will be much easier to deal with things when my brain and body are fully functioning, but I also think I can do better now.
I really hope that everything turns out okay Ash. It seems like you know a lot of people with lymphoma?
I'm not really the yelling type. Sometimes I get made at Cyan and want to smack him upside the head, but mostly I'm a fairly calm person. I'd say we generally don't yell, but my dh gets flustered and annoyed with the kids pretty easily and we do A LOT of discipline type things with Cyan. It's mostly him that has a high need for attention and is often annoying Olivine or being too rough with her. He doesn't have a good sense of other peoples personal space. Generally Olivine only misbehaves when she's tired, sick or really fed up with Cyan. Coralie just gets gentle redirection at this age, as she's not doing anything deliberately hurtful, she's just exploring her world and being a typical toddler.
My mom was a yeller and I don't think it's an effective parenting style. We didn't listen to my mom at all growing up. She sucks at following through and then would yell as a result. My dad on the other hand is always calm, but really means everything that he says. We always followed rules for my dad much better. I try to use him as my role model.
Ash, I am so sorry. I am sorry that there is a cause for you to worry, that your husband can't be there for you, and for the tough few months you've already endured. I hope that the tests will release your worry.
Kirsten, that is such a bummer, and I totally feel your pain about the asbestos. I've been down that road before. Was it vermiculite insulation that is the source?
Jaimee, I am not much of a yeller, and I never yelled at my daughter until she turned about three years old. If I yelled all the time, I suppose it wouldn't be such a negative experience for her! It would just be like, "There goes mom, yelling again...what's new?" LOL!
Soooooooo, when I do yell, it means that I've officially lost it, which is horrible for her. I feel like the worst mom on earth when I have had those moments because DD is such a sensitive child. I try to remember how completely s**tty I feel after I yell at her, and that it is scary for her to see an adult, who is much bigger and more powerful, unable to keep their emotions in check. I know that I feel absolutely horrible, scared, disrespected, sad, and hopeless when I myself am yelled at. Ugh. Dealing with frustration and anger is so hard when you are a parent. I wish I had better advice!
I'm so sad to say I'm a yeller. I stay very, very calm and take it and take it and take it and then I burst. I absolutely HATE that I am like this. R has become a yeller, now, too. It's awful. I have been reading positive parenting books for over a year and I know, I KNOW, I need to stop yelling and that these months from 1-2 are just so, so, so impressionable and like THE time when babies are forming their way of being... but, man. I just have no patience!
Yes, I listened to the magnesium talk today too. I already knew a decent amount of the info and that magnesium is really important, but now we're going to step things up. I've been taking magnesium for years because I have muscle cramping issues. Although, after we started GAPS my muscle cramping pretty much went away and I started to slack off with the magnesium. I think a lot of it is tied to sugar intake. Anyway, I happened to order some magnesium oil several days ago and we've all been taking lots of epsom salt baths lately. Her added advice to add clay to the water to absorb the chlorine is genius though! I always worry about daily baths for my girls. They love the bath and often it gives me a break to sit and read something while they're entertained. Now I won't have to worry so much about the chlorine and 'maybe' the fluoride too! I think I'm going to make magnesium lotion with the oil, as everyone has dry skin right now too.
Christina, I have faith that you can figure out your health puzzle and your patience level will go up! I see my dh slowly improving all the time, which is great because he's more positive and involved with the kids. The B vitamins really seem to be helping him. I can't wait to see what will happen with some quality magnesium oil too (he's never taken magnesium because he doesn't have cramping or constipation, so we thought he didn't need it, heh).
Do you have time to listen to this in the next six hours? It's powerful. http://villagegreennetwork.com/healthy-life-summit-dr-carolyn-dean/
Ash ~ I'm sorry you have to still worry about what's going on with your son. Hope you get some answers soon.
I'm a yeller and i hate it. I didn't yell much when it was just Alex. It's usually all because Ryker is constantly pushing Alex's buttons which then make her freak out and i end up yelling at both to leave each other alone.
Ash, I'm so so very sorry. We're all here for you whenever you need to let out some feelings! I can only imagine how difficult it is to live with the constant worry. You're a strong mama, hon.
RE: Yelling. I am probably the most anxious and easily-brought-to-emotion person here, but I think I may actually be one of the mothers who yells the least. It shocks the heck out of me that I can say that. I attribute a lot of that to how communicative Sora is, though... She responds to instruction probably 95% of the time. Really. I don't know how I got so lucky to have such a considerate child. She's more likely to touch things she shouldn't while at home than she is out in public. If we're at someone else's house, she looks at me first for permission before grabbing things. I feel blessed in that regard. Also, I've been working on my responses to her tantrums this week, and I'm amazed at how quickly she's changing her behavior in response. Love it.
I resigned from my current job this morning. Crazy that I was there for 9 months already... time flies. I was planning to keep it as a super flex PT job when I started my new FT job, but I decided to resign completely for the sake of my marriage and just focus on the new job. I had no idea that my heavy work/school load was upsetting DH. I wish he'd verbalize his feelings way sooner before things blow up between us every time! Ugh. I guess we really don't spend quality time together and connect these days. I thought he didn't even care anymore, so I just kept piling on more work to escape from that thought. I always asked him if he was okay with it before I took on more, and he said yes. Apparently his "yes" really meant "yes I'm okay with it because it seems to make you happy but I miss you and want to spend more time with you so NO I'm not really okay with it....." Oy vey... I think that's the first time that DH has expected ME to be the mind-reader! LOL. I'm always the one expecting him to be clairvoyant.
Christina, thanks for sharing that Healthy Life Summit link for the magnesium discussion! I'm watching it right now as I sip some Natural Calm.
Yeah, I totally sarcastic too, while my dh doesn't understand sarcasm at all. He's always saying, 'honey, kids just don't understand sarcasm"..
Not that I yell much now, but like the others, when I just had one kid there wasn't that much to get frustrated about.. and I'd say that my first kid was the hardest from a tantrum and bed-time routine standpoint. He was very easy in a lot of other ways though. The thing that is the most annoying is when one kid annoys or picks on another. That behavior drives my crazy, most of it is because I think Cyan is too old to be annoying a 3 year old! Olivine on the other hand really keeps to herself and doesn't bother anyone.. I have a feeling that Coralie will be the instigator of annoyingness when she's a little older. Some kids are really just a lot more work than other kids though! I always say that all 3 of my kids are as much work as my 3yo nephew.
Love the pic, Sara.
Jasper does a little tantruming, but mostly he just gets sad. When he doesn't get his way he wants to be picked up and snuggled. He would prefer to be carried around 95% of the time still. Also, he is pretty easy to redirect/ distract.
Speaking of Jasper... I miss my baby! I almost cried dropping him off at daycare this morning. It's my first week full time and it's rough. I miss my baby, I miss my girls, I miss my kitchen. I miss picking dd2 up from school and sitting in the library with her while we wait for dd1. I miss picking J up from daycare. I miss playing in the backyard with all of them after school/ work. Getting home at 3 is so different from getting home at 5/ 5:30. 3 gives you time to cook, play, hang out. 5:30 is like, throw some dinner on the table, make lunches, check homework, get kids to bed. Dh does not cook.