Or at least about the fact that we're not having an OB-GYN "manage" my pregnancy and will be giving birth of hospital.
My parents consider themselves to be very educated, specially as regards to medical stuff (my dad is a doctor, my mother a biologist) - though in fact in a lot of stuff they are outdated and will take the word of their other doctor friends or the "normal" standard as law. The biggest problem is my mother, who just pushes her opinion around everywhere and is totally disrespectful to other who might disagree with her (specially me) - I feel like to my dad I could just say "show we research and we can calmly talk about it" or whatever and he would just be quietly disapproving which I can live with; but my mother will just drive me crazy.
We just announced my pregnancy to them this last week, and so far I've let my mother assume things about my care, mostly to postpone the inevitable. I guess I wanted their happiness without going into this big issue. But I feel like if I let it go on much further, it crosses a line into deceiving that I am sort of uncomfortable with.
My DH tells me to let them think what they will till after I meet up with them in NY next month, but I am sort of uncomfortable with that. On the other hand, I'm perfectly fine with steering them into thinking we'll be using a birth center (vs. homebirth) since I figure that they don't really need to know about that till after it's done and we can pass it off as "we changed out minds at the last moment".
I know I'll never convince them that I'm not doing something dangerous, and maybe even stupid, so that's not my aim. I'm looking for strategies that will help me tell them the following without automatically jumping into defensive and or shouting / mode:
- We're not using an OB-GYN
- We're using a midwife practice
- If there's any risk or anything strange either during the pregnancy or birth, we will transfer
- This is our decision, it is not up for discussion
- Either you can be supportive and respectful, or you cannot bring this subject up. Ever. (I'm thinking this won't really work - I tried this same approach with the "you need to lose weight" conversations years ago)
- Should you wish to bring up specific concerns, please back them up with research studies. I will be happy to read them. Do not enter into a "we´ve been told", "we've heard", or absolutes - I can do the same, and I obviously trust my own sources more than yours so nothing changes (not sure if this offering to have a look at actual research or data, which I doubt they will come up with, is a good idea).
Have any of you had a similar situation? How did you deal with it?