Gender Disappointment / Expectation? - Page 2 « Back to Group Discussions

[breachaplin]

I have boy, boy, boy and a girl in that order. With this pg as with the last, I am unashamedly wanting a girl :) I am thinking that I may get my wish because this pg is just like my last one and nothing like with the boys. Our girl is just 18mo old and when I was pg with her I wanted to find out so that if it was a boy I would be over the disappointment and excited again before birth. I would hate to have that kind of an emotional upset at the time of birth, wanting a girl so badly and then getting another boy, which I would love just the same but would be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed. The next one after this, I think I will be back to no preference, this time though, I want a sister to play with our girl.

[nettlesoup]

Breachaplin; how did you pregnancies differ when having a girl compared to a boy?

[thefreckledmama]

I have girl, girl, girl, boy; so I'd like to have another boy to restore a little balance..lol

I had a dream last night I had an ultrasound and baby was a boy- so that's two boy dreams now.

[LivingSky]

With my first, DH and I were both CERTAIN it was a girl - we both had girl dreams repeatedly. Then u/s said boy and we just didn't believe it right up until he was born - and a boy he is!

So clearly my mommy intuition is broken, I'm guessing this one is a boy, because if it is a boy, I'll get to be right, and if a girl, well that will be a nice surprise too I go back and forth between which I want, so i guess either works great!

nettlesoup - I hear you on the tomboy thing - but even if it's a boy, don't assume he won't like pink and dresses! When I go in to a kids store with DS he goes immediately to the girls' shoes and dresses! They're bright, and shiny, and they sparkle - so they are WAY more interesting then the drab colors that most of the boy clothes come in. I'm a tomboy myself but I have to admit, I wish they made boy clothes in brighter colors!

[nettlesoup]

Very true! And you're right, boy's clothes always seem to be either navy blue or grey. Not the most exciting of colours!

[jen&james]

I am having some gender disappointment this time around.  I have 2 boys then my third is a girl.  I was really hoping to have another girl and since this is our last baby I am sad that my daughter won't have a sister bond that I had and still do with my sister.  I swayed this pregnancy and was so sure we were going to get a girl but thru the materniT21 test we found out that we have a Y chromosome so it is definitely a boy.   I have been having disappointment on and off.  I only got pregnant because I knew someone was missing from our family.  I knew there was a chance it could be a boy and I am sort of surprised I have been having these feelings.  I know I will love him and will be excited to meet him as the months pass but I just wish i could feel that way now.  I have been alot more hormonal and depressed this pregnancy and I don't know if it is just hormones or the disappointment I am feeling.  Ijust want to shake it and feel excited and prepare for him.

[chispita]

jen&james - Hugs. It's okay to be disappointed, give yourself time.

[thefreckledmama]

Jen&james-disappointment is definitely ok. Te dynamic may be different than what you wanted, but it will still end up being special and amazing. Your daughter will have three brothers who love her (and probably drive her a little crazy...lol) And since she is the only girl, the bond between you and her will all the more special.

[tillymonster]

Ooh thanks for mentioning the nub theroy. I get my scan 12w1d so oh yes I will be scrutinizing that nub. Though omg I hate to say-- I think it's a boy. I want another girl because I come from a family with two sister and one older brother who I do not get along well with. My sisters are my best friends-- always have been. I want that for my DD. DH wants a boy and thinks I'm having one too. I just keep hearing myself say "he" or "him" everytime I talk about the baby and am very interested in boy names (mostly because I find them super hard to pick!!!) and I knew my DD from like week 8. No joke. I knew she was a girl. I almost refused the 20wk scan because I just knew. Totally weird. This pregnancy I kept going back and forth and now just feel BOY.

I'm scared to raise a son. It's more work IMHO than a girl because I know what kind of woman to raise-- I know nothing of boys. Now-- strangely enough... I am a tomboy of sorts and besides my sisters, never had female friends. I was the chick with all the guy friends. Still am. So that is somewhat reassuring, but I have this deep desire to have atleast two girls and me and the DH only want two children. And names. So hard to pick a boy name!!!

If its a girl I'll be shocked. Pleasantly however. I'm not 100% sure yet.

[nettlesoup]

You have the same worries as me about having a boy. I grew up with sisters, and have no experience of brothers, and also, I know my daughter is going to be disappointed if it is a boy. But at the same time it'll hopefully get her out of this weird girl phase she's going through.

[Serafina33]

Hi everyone!  I'm back again.  I first calculated my EDD as Sep 30 when I got my BFP and then the Dr said Oct 2 and now the ultrasound dates me as due on Sept 24.  I guess I ovulated on day 6 of my cycle.    At any rate, I tend to deliver early anyways so I'll most likely have a september baby, if not a late August one (hopefully not).  So I guess this is the right place for me, but I think I'll keep checking in on the Oct due date club because I got fond of the ladies there these last three weeks posting there.  :)  

Anyhoo, back to the topic, I really want a girl for much of the same reasons just mentioned.

[thefreckledmama]

I was always happy having girls, then my son came along and OH MY GOODNESS! He is so much fun and different from the girls, and now I think, more boys would be fun!

[nettlesoup]

That's really good to hear Freckledmama! I think I would enjoy having a boy since I'm a complete tomboy and would probably have more in common with a boy then my girly girl daughter.

[MamaMash]

I think if I'm being honest, in my heart of hearts I want another girl. My sisters are my best friends and I want my dd to have that bond as well. Also dh and I have decided if we have a boy then we are done having kids, but if we have a girl he would want to try for a third. I'm only 24 (25 end of April) and he's 28 so we're fairly young and I'm not 100% comfortable with closing up shop yet. Although I hope I get that amnesia and can't remember how hard this pregnancy has been so far. Haha. I have been getting strong boy vibes lately. Mainly because the pregnancy is so different from my dd's. I know I would be so happy with a little boy, they are so sweet. But I do think I would be a teensy bit disappointed for a few minutes.

[bexsd]

Originally Posted by amanda bee 

(in hindsight i had a blast raising my son into a brilliant little feminist)

This is nice to hear because it's kind of what scares me about the idea of having a boy. I feel like I could more easily raise a girl to be a feminist. Boys, I'm a little lost. It's good that DH is great, though. I'd love to hear more about this!

[Jennyanydots]

This is nuts, but I think I'll be disappointed (and delighted, of course!) either way. I have had so much fun with my son and my daughters, and I'm sure this is it for us. I guess closing the door to one more girl or one more boy just seems a little sad. I'll start thinking about having another girl and then get weepy because that'd mean I won't have another boy, and vice versa. Ridiculous, I know.

[Serafina33]

Originally Posted by bexsd   I feel like I could more easily raise a girl to be a feminist. Boys, I'm a little lost.

Oh my gosh I feel the opposite, I feel like it's a snap to raise my sons to be feminists but I'm a little daunted at the idea of raising a daughter to have a really healthy sense of self-worth, empowerment, happiness.  There's just so much crap out there in our society making girls feel awful in every which way as they hit adolescence and I'm nervous at the thought of helping her navigate all that tumultuousness unscathed.  Boys I just....I dunno I feel totally confident that as close as we are, and with me as a role model, there's no way they won't utterly respect women.  I'm maybe naive and overly confident, but it's a nice feeling and I'll go with it until I have reason to doubt that it's working.... :)

[aidenn]

Originally Posted by Jennyanydots 

This is nuts, but I think I'll be disappointed (and delighted, of course!) either way. I have had so much fun with my son and my daughters, and I'm sure this is it for us. I guess closing the door to one more girl or one more boy just seems a little sad. I'll start thinking about having another girl and then get weepy because that'd mean I won't have another boy, and vice versa. Ridiculous, I know.

Jennyanydots - I don't think this is nuts - I recognize a lot of my own feelings here too.  After reading all of the other responses and realizing that hey - maybe boys aren't any harder, now I am kind of on the fence with what I "want".  This is the last baby for us too, because while I am still young at 27, my husband is 42, so relying on his parents to watch our kids occasionally means relying on people in their 70s who aren't always in the strongest of health.  Plus, we didn't pick very high income careers - a private practice IBCLC and a drafter.  We'll never be rich enough to have a gaggle of children!  I am already a little daunted by the consideration of homeschooling and can we really afford for me to only work part time once they are all in school.  Sorry for the tangent!

Serafina33 and bexsd - I had never thought about raising sons to respect women might be an easier task than raising women to respect themselves!  I guess I've been a touch myopic in that sense, but I can see where the teenage years might be a hard row to hoe for that issue!

Mamamash - Even if you have a boy, DH might change his mind.  When we started on the path of having children, I was utterly convinced I wanted only ONE child.  Then I had one and she was so easy, we thought, well, why not have another?  Then my second girl has been extremely high needs and I feel like a terrible mother to her, but here we are, with the desire for one more child!  He might soften, and me being young definitely had a hand in my willingness to soften my one-child views!

[LivingSky]

Originally Posted by Serafina33 

Oh my gosh I feel the opposite, I feel like it's a snap to raise my sons to be feminists but I'm a little daunted at the idea of raising a daughter to have a really healthy sense of self-worth, empowerment, happiness.  There's just so much crap out there in our society making girls feel awful in every which way as they hit adolescence and I'm nervous at the thought of helping her navigate all that tumultuousness unscathed.  Boys I just....I dunno I feel totally confident that as close as we are, and with me as a role model, there's no way they won't utterly respect women.  I'm maybe naive and overly confident, but it's a nice feeling and I'll go with it until I have reason to doubt that it's working....

YES, THIS! Absolutely my feeling as well.

[bexsd]

seraphina and livingsky- that actually makes me feel better, just looking at it from a different perspective. I think right now I am seeing it as being harder because I can't use my personal navigation of sexist culture as a guide to share with a boy, whereas with a girl, I feel like I could be like, "Look. This is what it's like and this is how we deal with it."