Gender Disappointment / Expectation? - Page 4 « Back to Group Discussions

[Serafina33]

aidenn, you're allowed to feel the way you feel!  But are you forgetting that there is a man in your family, the babe's daddy?  And what about grandparents, uncles, etc?  And for those of us who had ZERO experience being around males whatsoever until suddenly having a little boy, trust me, it feels like the most natural thing in the world once you have one, and you can't imagine the little mancub being anything other than the little puppy he is.  And you'll find little guy pals for him, who will love to do little boy things with him.  If you don't have current pals with sons, I'm sure you can make some, to have little guy playdates when the kid is old enough to have a gender specific preference to the type of play that interests them (crash! splash! smash! action! kerblewey! mess! adrenaline!).  You'll be so smitten with this person by the time they are demonstrating their boy-ness (if it even IS a boy!), that you'll find every little thing they do is magic (I am constantly quoting the police's lyric every chance I get).  
That little speech was to myself, mostly, by the way.  i was unwillingly thrown into the land of little boys, and now that I have them, I adore it, but now that I'm having another baby I just want that daughter I've dreamed of my whole life SO BADLY.  I will need to get over some serious disappointment if it's a boy, and need to recite that little soliloquy above a few times to myself.

Tilly, it's a boy!  I see the nub, and it's slightly angled up away from the lower spine.  If there's any credence to this nub theory, that is a boy.   That's my prediction!  :)  How lucky if it is, so that you'll have one of each!  Though having a little sister for your DD would be amazing, too of course.  Your daughter is so cute hoping for a ducky in there.  Too precious for words.

[tillymonster]

Yeah I think so too! I'm happy to have one of each and we plan on just 2 so this works out perfectly. Lol my DD is such a sweet thing-- she's very excited and pats my tummy softly all the time. So lovely!

I'm feeling better and better about my boy (if it's a boy!) and am going to embrace my tomboy-ness and all and all just want a healthy pregnancy and baby!

[tillymonster]

Whoops double post.

[greentomato]

I've really enjoyed reading all the perspectives in this thread. 

My husband has a slight preference for a boy, primarily because that's what he knows.  I think I've had a slight preference for a girl for the same reason.  I have a sister, close female cousins and girl friends, but no close male relatives. 

So, I got test results back today, and it's probably a girl. I spent a few minutes thinking "Yay! It's a girl!".  But on further thought, I think I'm a little disappointed for my husband.  He's generally more ambivalent about having kids than I am, and I think he would be a bit more excited or engaged if he knew it were going to be a boy.  A girl might be interested in science and could be a future engineer, and a boy could equally be uninterested in these things.  But, I know that's where his mind goes.  And he is pretty great with his nieces.

[swissmiss2584]

I hate how annoyed I get when people say I'm having a boy. I don't want that kind of attitude. I mentioned on FB how the baby already has hard kicks and someone commented that they really think I'm having a boy because of all the kicks. Ummmm I'm pretty sure girls kick too. 😁

[chispita]

My mom really wants me to have a girl - but lately she's been backtracking and saying she thinks I'm having a boy. Supposedly because I'm more aggressive with her - not true, we just had a huge fight (pretty justified, I think). My theory is that she's just preparing herself to be happy if it is a boy 

[jess707]

have really had my heart set on a girl - so much so that in deciding to have a child, i was more deciding to have a daughter...like it works that way 

anyhow, had my anatomy scan this eve and lo and behold, we got a boy cooking in there!  so, i am adjusting.  moment by moment.  he looks totally healthy, which is obviously the most important thing and i'm discovering all the ways that a boy might ultimately be a better fit for me than a girl, despite my heart's desire.  

i have faith that by the time this little being comes out into the world, i will love him as much as i would've if i'd had a girl - and for now, i'm working through my disappointment.  

[MamaMash]

Congrats Jess! I'm sure you will adjust and be so happy to welcome that healthy baby boy into your life when the time comes. For now, don't beat yourself up about your disappointment. I would be quite disappointed if this baby turned out to be a boy, especially after being told it's most likely a girl at my last appt.

[swissmiss2584]

I was actually upset with myself for being disappointed when the ultrasound tech told us we were having a boy. I really wanted another girl. Once I started saying we were having a son then my outlook on it changed. Saying son instead of boy felt more personal and special. My husband and daughter are so happy which makes me happy. I'm looking forward to discovering a son this time.

[Serafina33]

I've been 'deciding' to have a 'daughter' every time.  So far no luck.  I realllly have my heart set on finally meeting the daughter I have dreamed of someday having (since I was a little girl).  I'll need time to process if it's not to be.

[thefreckledmama]

I will say, until I had my son, I honestly thought I only wanted girls.  I have 5 younger brothers, so I guess you could say I was "burnt out" on boys.  I had honestly felt that I'd be happy with all girls and never felt any kind of longing for a son.  Then my son came along.  OH. MY. GOODNESS!!!!  It almost makes me sad that I thought I never wanted boys.  They are so much fun, and he is such a nice departure from all the girly energy we have flying around. I was actually a little disappointed we're not having a boy, because I wanted my son to have at least one brother, and I would have loved to have another son.

[Serafina33]

I agree, I had the same experience.  I love my sons.  But wanting to experience raising a daughter and a mother/daughter bond from this end of it....well I've been longing for it all my life.  I would never think of wishing my boys to be girls or feel wistful that they are boys.  They are so much fun, and cool, and sweet, and there's nothing lacking in any way. And more than 1 is super because it's great for a guy to have a brother.    But..... now I'm ready for a girl! :)

[aidenn]

It may be the first trimester blahs being over, but I have grown a lot fonder of the idea of having a boy as of late.  We find out for sure in a few days, but based on just how different this pregnancy is, I'm nearly positive it's a boy.

I admire those who can wait until the birth to find out what they're having, but a key part to me accepting (and I daresay even becoming excited for a boy) is referring to him using gender-specific pronouns and his intended name.  I think it's helped the girls come to terms with a "baby brother" too.

Of course, I still don't know for sure, and I'll have a lot of explaining to do to the kids if I am wrong.... :)

[MamaMash]

I hope you are right Aidenn. Especially now that you have warmed up to the idea of a boy

It was confirmed today. I'm having a girl. I'm really very excited about it

[jess707]

it's really helpful to hear all your own thoughts and feelings on gender disappointment - i am settling into it more and it does help to think of "son" rather than "boy" - thanks for that swissmiss.  i don't intend to have a second child so i am grieving the loss of the adult mother/daughter relationship that i hoped to have one day but maybe i can get that in less obvious ways...

i know that this is a great first lesson in letting go of control, which is going to be a big piece for me - i can't say how it's all going to go and i know i need to get used to that...

[vc2013]

16 weeks today, so i still have another month to go before the big ultrasound appt with my OB. 

at the beginning of the pregnancy, i thought it was going to be a girl simply because i have never seen myself with a son. but in the last few weeks this has changed, and i've been feeling like it may very well be a boy. which is to say, i obviously have no idea. 

interestingly enough, i really don't care "what" it is as long as it's healthy. i still have the occasional panic attacks where i feel like maybe the baby has spontaneously died in my womb and i don't know yet -- which is probably somewhat normal to fear.

spiritually, i feel like it's going to be what it's going to be -- it's another person, not "my" girl or boy, but a new person i will get to know. i'm still excited to find out no matter what.. i know i'll be excited and super happy once we know either way!!

[serena76]

Vc2013- I have the same fear, that every time I go to a scan or the midwife wants to check the heartbeat there's nothing there and the baby's died. I'm going crazy waiting to feel the baby move so I know it's still there😣

[MamaMash]

I think that's a normal fear. But, even though I feel the baby move a ton now if I don't feel her move for awhile I panic. So no matter what that fear is there.

[vegrunr]

I thought I was having a girl up until the very end last time and then switched my prediction to a boy once he was sooo late.  It was a boy!  I didn't know how I'd like having a boy as I had 2 brothers growing up and think I was ready for girliness.  But as other mamas have said on here, I love having a son.  He is such an awesome little person and I love learning about construction equipment, dinosaurs, and everything else "boy" right along with him.  Of course, some girls love those things too but he is very much boy and there is a clear difference between him and the daughters of my friends.  With that being said, I do hope for a girl this time.  I am very close with my mom and would love to have that mother-daughter relationship.   My husband says we're done at 2 but I'm not so sure, especially if it is another boy.  I am not finding out again this time but part of it is bc I was worried I would be disappointed if it's a boy.  I don't want to feel that way.  I think that by the time I have the baby and with the excitement of the birth, I will be happy either way.  At least that's how I look at it.  Of course it would be pretty cool for my son to have a little brother too : )

[bexsd]

I've found that lately my excitement about it being a girl or a boy changes depending on what name I am excited about at the moment, hehe.