Weekly Chat 3/4 - 3/10 « Back to Group Discussions

[Serafina33]

I have a question this week:  Is your partner behaving (around the house, other kids, about the pregnancy journey, & regarding preparing with you for the birth/baby's arrival) as supportively as you wish he/she would be?

I would like to say that mine is doing a fabulous job.  It's his first child and he is being very sweet and considerate with me and lovely with my kids.  Cleaning extra, and very involved with reading up all the material about pregnancy and birth he can find or that I assign him.  I still can tell that he's really clueless about the aches/pains/misery of it all and that is kind of hard to try to make him understand.  But....  as far as men go and especially this being his first time to the rodeo, all in all I'm pleased.  

[DanielleNZ]

Well to answer this weeks question - YES my darling husband is being amazing, he has completely taken over here at home while I am on bed rest. He is running our son to school, doing all cleaning and laundry. And waiting on me hand and foot and bringing me all my meals in bed. He is truly going above the call of duty. Fridays scare really had him panicked. His mum said it was lovely to see how much he already loves this tiny little baby. Made my heart feel so good, because its true. So I am feeling very lucky especially as this is our third little miracle. 

[John16n33]

It's hard to answer this weeks question because I haven't been around Dh since I found out due to Dd and I being in Texas.  We won't actually see Dh for another 12 weeks or so when my student teaching is over.  Over the phone he is very supportive and asking me tons of questions about how I'm feeling and such though.

So my first appointment is today and I am so nervous.  I am just scared that I will go in for my u/s and something will have happened to the baby.  Can I please ask for thoughts and prayers that everything is okay?

[gray]

John16n33 - Good thoughts coming your way.

As for my husband, he is amazing. We had a long talk yesterday about how down I am. By this morning, the house was clean, dishes away, kids dressed, breakfast made, and laundry done. He has done virtually all of the cooking and cleaning for well over a month. And he lets me sleep in almost every day.

Anyway, thank you so much for all your support yesterday. It was my low point. Today, I'm up, dressed, have eaten, and am getting out of the house with the kids (I'm actually going to drop them in the kids area of Ikea and shop!). I've booked an appointment with a naturopath and will talk to her about helping stabilize my moods. I see my midwife this week and might ask for a referral to the local peri-natal mood disorder clinic. I haven't been clinically depressed for over seven years and haven't needed medication in that time, so I want to try other things before going the medication route again. I'm also committing to walking my daughter to school everyday so that I get some time outside, some exercise, and some socializing with other moms. 

If I can just get through March, with two doula clients due and the remainder of winter, then I'm hopeful I can handle the rest of the pregnancy. (And being hopeful at all is how I know I'm not that far gone).

[Shiloh]

Gray, glad to hear when you askked for support you got it! Hormones make even a regular day difficult and crazy making.

[John16n33]

gray-  I am glad your Dh is supporting you and helping you through this. You are in my prayers and I hope between your midwife and naturopath they are able to find something to help you.

[revolting]

Lots of lucky mamas.

[ciga]

DH has been great.  He is really excited about this baby even though the BFP was a little bit of a shock for both of us. He talks about it to our son all the time and is constantly coming up with names. I am still doing all the cooking/cleaning but that's fine with me.  He's taking over toddler duty a lot more when he's home just so I have a break and he's being very sweet and concerned about how I'm feeling. I will say he is driving me a little nuts over prenatal vitamins.  He REALLY wants me to take New Chapter whole food prenatals but I prefer the Rainbow Light one a day.  I just know myself and three pills a day is not realistic for me. I'd rather focus on remembering to exercise everyday and eat well than remembering to take 3 pills. I know, this sounds totally silly but we actually had a kind of big argument about it last night. Anyway, it ended with him admitting that he would probably forget to take the pills too.  He just wants to know that our baby has the best start possible.  During the argument I just kept thinking how ridiculous it was for us to get so heated about prenatal vitamins.

AFM I'm feeling pretty run down by the constant nausea.  I really can't wait for the second trimester and warmer weather. I miss getting out for a long walk everyday and working in the garden.  Being outside helps me stay sane.  By the end of the winter I'm always feeling really stir crazy and a bit depressed so adding nausea and headaches to the mix isn't helping. But, it is March so the sun will be back soon enough!   
 

[Shiloh]

AFM I'm fighting a sore throat, got to go see mw about the uti, call the hemo and go pay for my support hose. DP took me out for a really nice dinner on Saturday nite. He's still pissing his pants.

[HappiLeigh]

Gray, IKEA sounds fun!
I'm grateful for the help I'm getting around here. DH is good--we've been together a long time, through two pregnancies, my broken arm, his severed Achilles, so many rounds of the stomach flu, and the launch of a business. We know how to cover for each other when necessary. Mostly I'm grateful he's totally taken over bedtime stuff for both kids so I can go to bed early every night. My mom is also stepping in to help and has been doing everything from scrubbing my floors to doing some of the homeschool lessons with DD. DD herself is also (mostly!) being helpful and will get my cereal if I'm lying down, stuff like that. I can't wait to be back in my usual life after the sickies pass, but in the meantime I am appreciative of the help.
Made it through DS's birthday party this weekend. Can't believe he's three!

[echospiritwarrior]

My hubby has been a dream hubby since he started a new job a month ago. I'm pretty sure he was depressed about being self employed before that and about not being able to support his family in the way that he wanted. I was almost at my breaking point and we both went to therapy which I think cleared some major blockage from him but I also think it's a lot easier to be a happy helpful husband and father when you're not depressed! 

[Blonhrt88]

Yes, in every way. He has basically taken over care of DS so I can rest and has cooked breakfasts and dinners and cleaned up, it has been amazing. 

My in laws are coming to visit the only day we could get an ultrasound, so we have to wait all the way until next Thursday. Boooooo!

[Sphinxy]

DW and I are in a great place now and she is being incredibly helpful and supportive. It took a couple weeks for us both to get here though. Being our "first rodeo", I think we both didn't realize at first how intense it was going to be right away. We got our BFP early and then kind of tried to go about life as usual. I felt like it was too early to start asking for help with certain things, and I think it didn't occur to DW to be as proactive yet. Then we had a good talk a couple weeks ago and I said, "I think we both need to realize that this is happening now." Since then she has stepped right up, helps with some of the cleaning that I used to do, checks on me in a non-condescending way about my food & water intake throughout the day, and is very flexible about our plans, understanding that on any given day (or at any given hour) I might just need to lie down. And I've tried to be better about communicating how I'm feeling and what I need. I feel incredibly fortunate. 

John16n33 - Do you have a good support network where you are now, since you can't be around DH for a while? I can imagine that must be a challenge to be apart during this time. I hope your appointment went well yesterday. 

gray - That is wonderful news that you are feeling a rebound. Your strategies for moving forward sound excellent. 

ciga - Yes! The 2nd tri will be so sweet for us because it will be timed with Spring! I cannot wait for it to be warm enough for me to open the windows in my house. Some fresh air will be so good for me. 

echo - I think the provider instinct can be so strong for some parents during this time. DW and I have wanted to move back to our home in New England for a while now, but it all depended on her ability to secure a job up there. In her profession (higher education), the interview/selection process takes months. So the whole time we were TTC and for the first few weeks of our pregnancy, she was also on pins and needles about her applications. She just found out last week that she got her first choice position, so we will be moving back home this summer. Her mood has improved so much, as has her joy and helpfulness about the pregnancy, because she can now feel good about her ability to provide for us all in in the area where we want to be. 

[dahlia810]

It sounds like this group s full of loving, supportive partners! How awesome my husband has been amazing as well, being very understanding of my need to rest, and my inability to cook dinner some nights. I'm really looking forward to springtime and the second trimester!!

[Serafina33]

I feel like a blob.  Just a disgusting blob, and I can't wait until my body looks overtly pregnant so I can embrace this whole thing, rather just looking like I suddenly gained about 25 pounds of blubber that translates to a spare tire looking shape.  UGH.  Wearing maternity pants and feeling so monstrous.

Whew, glad I got that out there.

I have my first ultrasound in five days and twelve hours.  WHOOOP!  I'm hoping that this changes all my feelings of ickiness into feelings of less-icky-more-yippeee-about-bebe.

I gave blood today and that combined with the ultrasound measures will test for chromosomal problems.  What do I do if there is a higher than normal risk and they want to do an amnio?  I can't imagine getting an amnio but I really really can't imagine having a special needs child, due to the lack of support I experience as someone thousands of miles from home and my comfort zone/support network, with no choice about it.   I would even consider terminating the pregnancy if the outcome was certain that the fetus is not healthy.  My life is just tinkering on the brink of 'i can't do this, it's all too unfair' despair feelings much of the time as it is, with healthy children.  

Gray, glad you are working through all that darkness.  I slip into a bad mode from time to time as well, and I have recently, (now that I have a pregnancy to focus on relaxing through and not stressing too much (since anything like physical or mental stress triggers PTL for me), sought out local health services to get me into therapy, but who knows if that will help or not.  I have just met with a nurse who does the initial two-three conversations before passing you along to a real doctor.  Fingers crossed that the one I get will be any good.

[Serafina33]

Ciga-  sorta sweet that your husband got so insistant about which prenatals he thinks are best.  It's a good sign.

Mine denied me acetaminophine/paracetamol today for a headache along the same lines of concern.  I was irritated but pleased.

[Shiloh]

Cross each bridge when you get to it.
You can do maternit21 instead of amnio.

[DanielleNZ]

 Massive hugs Serafina, it's such a difficult decision to need to make, but I agree with Shiloh cross each bridge as you come to it. 

9weeks 2 days pregnant here and feeling ok, I have to venture out for my maternal serum combined bloods either today or tomorrow. No more bleeding since our huge scare last week. I am relieved of course but also feel like I'm in limbo waiting to know what's happening. Has the hemarrage re absorbed itself, is it still there? And can I expect more bleeding like my midwife said was possible. Is baby coping with it being there in its growing source. So much uncertainty.

but on a positive note, I have finished the gorgeous cardigan I had been knitting for baby, it just needs buttons. I will embellish it at a later date once we know babies gender. And my gorgeous husband is on his way to the craft store for me to pick up more mosaic mirrors for the baby mobile I am making. The delights of bed rest you find your crafty mojo again 

[justclaire]

DH is being surprisingly sweet. This is his first, so I think he's a little paranoid about everything, which is cute. He asks a lot of questions and (so far) hasn't complained that I have been going to bed at 8:00 every night, haha! 

In super amazing news, I had my first OB appt this morning and got to see the LO! Measuring right on track with a tiny little heartbeat. I have gained almost 10lb, though. Not too pleased about that. I still fit into most of my clothes, but I'm just generally uncomfortable and "feeling fat." I think a lot of it is bloating/water weight, but it's still annoying to feel like a blob all the time. Ugh. 

[John16n33]

Sphinxy- Yes, luckily I do have support here.  I am staying with my grandparents and they watch Dd while I am at school, every other weekend my MIL watches Dd on Friday nights and Saturday so I can work in my aunt's store.  My family will also let me take naps and such when they know I am just worn out.

My appointment went great!  The u/s measured me due on 10/11, my dr had calculated 10/14 and didn't want to change it, I had calculated 10/13.  I am not really concerned about the due date though since I know the baby will come when it's ready.  I told my ob about my plans for homebirth and although I wouldn't say he was supportive, he wasn't judgmental nor did he try to talk me out of it so I am happy with the result.  The baby had a strong hb of 173.