Things never to ask a pregnant woman

[Flopsy]

Pregnancy seems to bring out the crazy in everyone. What's the dumbest/most annoying/intrusive thing you've heard from someone else about your pregnancy?

I'll start with a couple from my in-laws that still make me cringe:

From my FIL with my first: "Wow, you're really starting to look FAT!"

(I really do believe he thought he was trying to give me a compliment. He just sucks at it...)

And with this pregnancy, after we announced a few weeks ago my BIL asked me "Now, was this pregnancy planned??"

(I don't think this comment was well-meaning at all, so I just chose to ignore it. None of his business.)

Your turn!

[mamapigeon]

At the end of pregnancy, "Have you had the baby yet?" from close friends and family. I about lost it when people kept pestering me with that when I was pregnant with DS.

I also get kind of mad when people ask if I'm excited. I know it's just kind of an awkward question when someone has nothing else to say, but it just irks me.

[skycheattraffic]

My all time favourite: "so what are you having?"
Me: "a baby" . I know a lot of people find out but I didn't realize surprise babies are such a rare breed.

[Flopsy]

Ooh, those are good ones.

Skycheattraffic, you reminded me of another one that bugs me. We don't find out what we're having either, so I get asked a lot "Are you hoping for a boy or a girl?" Or "Do you think it's a boy or a girl?" My favorite answer is 'yes.' Or, 'I'd only be surprised if it's a puppy. Or a watermelon.'

[skycheattraffic]

Lol Flopsy. We also say "yes" to gender questions

[CrunchyMama19]

Wow, you're big already, are you SURE it's not twins?

Was this planned? - always irks me, do they realize they are inquiring about my sex life?

So are you done after this one? - how on earth can I answer that now when I haven't even had this one yet? And why is that your business anyway?

[kristenburgess]

Are you hoping for a boy/girl?  I really don't like this question!

Will you have any more after this one?

Are you trying to beat the Duggars?

Did you know that 2-3 years is the best child spacing?

You can tell we have a big family ;)
 

[Sphinxy]

I don't like questions about the mechanics of getting pregnant as a gay woman. My pregnancy is not an invitation to ask me all about how babies get made without a penis. I just want to say, "Seriously, just google it."

Also, I don't like prying questions about the donor. "Do you know him?", "What does he look like?", etc. It's really personal and I am not going to assume ahead of time how comfortable my child would be with me sharing that kind of information with all sorts of random people.

[bmcneal]

Originally Posted by mamapigeon 

At the end of pregnancy, "Have you had the baby yet?" from close friends and family. I about lost it when people kept pestering me with that when I was pregnant with DS.

www.haveyouhadthatbabyyet.com

Originally Posted by Flopsy 

Ooh, those are good ones.

Skycheattraffic, you reminded me of another one that bugs me. We don't find out what we're having either, so I get asked a lot "Are you hoping for a boy or a girl?" Or "Do you think it's a boy or a girl?" My favorite answer is 'yes.' Or, 'I'd only be surprised if it's a puppy. Or a watermelon.'

That's my response, too, "Yes." or sometimes, I tell them it's an elephant. 

[skycheattraffic]

Oh Sphinxy that is soo rude. Hugs to you for having to put up with the extra prying. Questions about conception are simply not appropriate.

[here we are]

How about "how are you feeling?"...am i the worst for saying this is not to be asked? Its just theres SO many feelings going on, its hard to give an answer, but i dont like this question anyways, i am just too private&moody in general.

[nettlesoup]

My mother had a special one the other day. She has it in her head that her three miscarriages were all boys, despite the fact they were all before 12 weeks, so how would she even know? But she has always said they were boys anyway. When I was round last week, she told me my bump looks like a girl and informed me that I must be allergic to boys like she is (!?), and that my miscarriage last year must have been a boy. I must add that my Mum is crazy.

I have a very strong feeling this one is a boy as my morning sickness is way longer lasting this time, and also the nub theory would suggest the same. I hope it is just to shut her up.
 

[Sphinxy]

I'm too early along to get the boy/girl question, but it annoys me just thinking about it. I suppose people ask because they just want something to talk about regarding your pregnancy, and it's an easy go-to question. DW and I aren't really interested in preconceptions about sex and gender, so while we do intend to find out the sex, it's not going to mean much to us aside from which name we decide to use. Ultimately our child will decide how to express their gender identity, and we have no interest in helping other people put unnecessary expectations on what it means to be a boy/girl. So I think to make point, when people ask me the sex, I'm going to say male/female instead of boy/girl. I know that might not be sustainable for very long, but it might also make a few people think. 

hereweare - For me it totally depends on who is asking. My mom calls nearly everyday to ask how I'm feeling and it is super sweet. We have a very honest relationship so I can tell her "stop asking" if I don't want to talk about it and she will respect that, or I can lament all about my grossest symptoms and it won't phase her. But when my male boss asked me, it was totally different. I had to pause and think "ok, but he doesn't really want to hear about my gas...". I would think that people I'm not close to in that way who have either experienced pregnancy first hand or through a partner would know better than to ask that! 

sky - Many thanks! 

[Quinalla]

We're having twins, so I get the "Were you having fertility treatments or are the natural (ie spontaneous)?" once people learn about the twins. My doctors aside as this information can be important for them, this question is so rude!

And yes, the "Was it planned?" question is so rude too, I am still astounded people ask that question! I haven't gotten it myself, but if I do, I'll probably fire back with "Yup, and how's your sex life?"

[Kate&Joey]

Last night on the phone with my MIL: "So are you and the baby getting fat?"

Umm...I hope not. 

[Kate&Joey]

Originally Posted by Quinalla 

And yes, the "Was it planned?" question is so rude too, I am still astounded people ask that question! I haven't gotten it myself, but if I do, I'll probably fire back with "Yup, and how's your sex life?"

We got the "was it planned?" question A LOT.  I guess because we're older and it's a second marriage for both of us?  But yes, it's annoying that the most accurate answer would be "Yes, we were having regular sex without protection."  Do people not think ???

[pokeyAC]

I haven't gotten any weird questions since I've been pregnant, but we did get some weird questions when we told people we wanted to have a baby.  Like Sphinxy, I am also married to a woman.  A few people asked us if we were going to adopt.  Adoption is wonderful, but my reproductive organs still work just fine, and I have always wanted to have a baby myself.  We were asked if we were going to do IVF.  It's really much simpler than that.  We only needed help getting the sperm where it needs to go.  Someone asked if I was going to have sex with a man.  This was the rudest and dumbest.  The lesbian and married parts kind of exclude having sex with a man.  There are many other ways to get pregnant.  Most of these things I thought were pretty funny and they didn't bother me.  The adoption question bothered me a little, especially because one person thought we should adopt so that the baby would not be biologically related to either of us as opposed to only being related to one of us with the other having no bio connection.  They also asked DW what the baby would be to her.

[nattery]

I look young for my age and I get the rudest questions inferring that I am a teenage mom. NOT that teenage mom's deserve to be asked these questions either. It was really opened my eyes to the crap they have to go through and the instant judgements people make. (I'm 29 and married by the way but people have guessed I am as young as 17, including other 17 year olds... which can make teaching high school difficult at times ;) )

Some of the questions I have gotten from strangers are:

" So is the father involved?" - would you ask that of a lady who looks to be in her 20's? 30's? No? then don't ask ANYONE (this applies to all the questions below)

" So are you married? "

"How does your mother feel about this?"

"It must be hard being in your position" - What position? the fact that I am six months pregnant or the fact that you are assuming I am an unmarried, uneducated pregnant 17 year old?

"Are you getting help from your family?" - as surely I am not capable of looking after myself?

and it wasn't a question but a comment... my ultimate favorite stranger input, - "You are far to young to have any business having a child" - well then, I guess I will return it to the baby store and wait another decade until I'm 40, does that meet your expectations? Even if I was 17 and pregnant, no one deserves that crap. They are already pregnant and making them feel ashamed of it ain't making anyone feel better about anything.

The worst question I received was from my grandfather... it's kind of a sad situation as my father (his son) passed away a decade ago and he has since lost all interest in being my grandfather (maybe too painful for him to see me? even though we were closer beforehand). I called him to tell him he would be a great grandfather and his response was, "I guess I should try to be happy about that?"

I received an email from a friend overseas who just found out I'm pregnant. He asked me "are you happy about that?" Well obviously if I'm 6 months along, broadcasting it all over facebook and posting pictures up the wazoo ... what do you think?

[pokeyAC]

I'm so sorry, Nattery!  Those comments do suck and they hurt.  I don't know what it is about a belly that makes them think it's ok to be wildly inappropriate.  Does telling them you're almost 30 and married shut them up?

For what it's worth, I'm happy you're pregnant!

[mum4vr]

Originally Posted by nattery 

I look young for my age and I get the rudest questions inferring that I am a teenage mom. NOT that teenage mom's deserve to be asked these questions either. It was really opened my eyes to the crap they have to go through and the instant judgements people make. (I'm 29 and married by the way but people have guessed I am as young as 17, including other 17 year olds... which can make teaching high school difficult at times ;) )

...

Oh, nattery, I feel your pain! A bit OT, but I often sub, so the students will think I am the "new girl" and try to let me know I shouldn't be writing on the board, or I'll get in trouble! Then they're like, Oh. I still (pushing 40 & 4th prg) get asked the type of questions you listed. My favorite at-school experience happened while waiting in the hall for another class to finish & vacate, so I could enter the classroom (without disrupting them), the principal walked up behind me & said, "Are you out in he hall bc you're in trouble?" (I thought he was joking; actually I was taking a pic of a flyer advertising a play while waiting) I turned around, chuckling a bit at his "joke," and he said, "WHAT! And you're on your phone!" I CANNOT imagine his reaction if I'd also had a baby bump at the time!

We also get the "was this planned?" ATT, and even with a tone, as if we -shouldn't- have planned another baby. Not only is our intimate life NOYB, but, neither is our family size... right?

I've heard comments (not questions) from one person, bordering on torturing my dd... a lady at church kept telling her our baby is "a rotten boy" (bc at the time dd wanted a sister-- she has 2 brothers, although now she can't decide which is better, she's so excited). I countered gently with, idk, our timing is more like for a girl, I think, but we're very happy about this baby either way. She never let up, oh no! rotten boys come in threes, & this one is another rotten boy! (BTW, this woman has 2 boys of her own & I have 2 boys of my own. Mine are nothing like "rotten" & I don't think hers are, but maybe she is that unkind a mother, that she thinks hers & thusly all boys are rotten?) DH & I were about to confront her privately re her hatefulness to our family about this baby when suddenly it stopped, so maybe someone already said something to her?

Not a normal preg question, but w DD, a male nurse began a line of personal & inappropriate questions including my phone number... then when my husband & boys came in the room, backpedaled, using the excuse that he thought I was a young (single?) teen mom! ...Oh, no, what were you asking, I still think you should repeat that in front of my family! As if it would be ok to take advantage of a young teen mom who was a patient under his care?!

I think I answered the "What are you having?" question once with, "Twin lambs... well, actually our ewe, Misty, is -having- the lambs... WE'RE having a baby." Lambs just seems like a more appropriate answer to the "what is it" question! Or puppies or watermelons, LOL!