Things never to ask a pregnant woman - Page 2

[mamazee]

1. Don't tell birth horror stories. Now is not the time.

2. No, you may not touch my belly.

[nstewart]

This wasn't me, but a friend of mine when she was PG with her first.  For context, at the time she worked at a law firm that has a reputation for being an "old boys club", and a 60 something male partner said to her "So, you're pregnant.  Do you know how that happened? chuckle chuckle".  She responded totally deadpan - "No, I don't.  Can you tell me?"  He turned beet red and walked away. lol.

[LilyTiger]

I was at a wedding and someone asked me (I didn't volunteer the information) whether I would be getting an epidural.  I responded that I was hoping for an all natural birth.  She then told me that she works in medical sales and worked with a lot of anesthesiologists and that the epidurals "work really well".  Really?  Ugh.

Another woman told me in May that I wouldn't make it past mid-July.  I was due in early August (and my daughter ended up being born one week late).  Not sure what the point of that conversation was. 

On the flip side, I also had a lot of wonderful strangers offer me blessings and get very excited about the new life growing inside me, and that's a beautiful thing.  I do think sometimes people's apparently rude or intrusive comments are born out of excitement rather than poor manners.   That's not always the case, of course. 

[thezoolife]

I got "when are you guys going to have kids?" a lot from everyone. Meanwhile my DH and I were struggling trying to conceive. Then we got "it's about time" after we announced we were pregnant. People don't realize how rude or hurtful they can be.

Annoyingly I got a bunch of, "are you sure there's only one in there?"
Or, "any minute now!" When I was like 6 months pregnant.
Two total strangers gave me long speeches of why they are pro-life.

[Kynid]

I am mostly asked if we will be having another soon since this is our second boy and we HAVE to have a girl. I haven't even had this baby yet, and believe it or not, gender was not why we wanted a child. 

I have actually told my aunt 4 times now that the baby is a boy and she still asks me "How are my girls doing?" every time she sees me. When I tell her again that he is a boy she says, "Well I just thought you would have a girl since you already have a boy, ya know?"

No, I don't...

Everyone in my family has boys and girls in rotating order except my mom, who has 2 girls. She just got "lucky" though. Grrr

The only reason I told my family the gender was so they would stop insisting it was a girl, which they all did from the moment I found out we were expecting. 

[Kynid]

Originally Posted by thezoolife 

I got "when are you guys going to have kids?" a lot from everyone. Meanwhile my DH and I were struggling trying to conceive. Then we got "it's about time" after we announced we were pregnant. People don't realize how rude or hurtful they can be.

Annoyingly I got a bunch of, "are you sure there's only one in there?"
Or, "any minute now!" When I was like 6 months pregnant.
Two total strangers gave me long speeches of why they are pro-life.

I get this too. It took us years to get PG with our second and was asked every 2 weeks if we were pregnant yet. Since I only have a cycle 3 X a year, this gets old and hurtful fast. Not to mention all the comments of how "It will happen as soon as we stop trying." That one is the worst.

After we did get PG these same people would ask me if it was planned since we are both in college. Really???

Even though it's not a question I am always being told how the baby needs to "Get here now" by people in my family so they can "kiss him all over." I know this is meant with kindness, but imagining the smokers in my family kissing my newborn grosses me out, not to mention that I am only 33 weeks. 
 

I told my sister that I don't want him to come now because he would be too small and in the NICU for weeks, and her response was "Well my boys (her twins) were born at 32 weeks and they were only in NICU for 4 weeks. It wasn't that bad." Um, that's 4 weeks too long for me. Thanks

[pokeyAC]

lilytiger--It is very nice when strangers say congratulations or something else nice.  I appreciate those comments a lot. This is a very special time.

[A2JC4life]

Originally Posted by nettlesoup 
I have a very strong feeling this one is a boy as my morning sickness is way longer lasting this time, and also the nub theory would suggest the same. I hope it is just to shut her up.

What's the "nub theory"?
 

I much prefer "Are you planning to find out the gender?" over "are you having a girl or a boy?"  At least it acknowledges that an u/s is not a given.  ('Though of course we are going to find out - duh.  At somewhere around 40 weeks. ;) )

[nettlesoup]

Here's a link; http://www.parentdish.co.uk/2009/06/03/nub-theory-baby-gender-prediction-at-12-weeks/

I don't know how accurate it really is, so I'm certainly not relying on it, but you never know.
 

[A2JC4life]

Thanks - interesting!
 

[AshleeRose]

"Is this your first baby?" - pretty harmless question, but I hate the look I get when I say it's my third. I'm 30 but people always think I'm a bit younger than that. I had my first at 24...not THAT young, seriously. Plus I want a big family!

[dayiscoming2006]

I get that question a lot too Ashlee Rose. The church we just started going to pastor's wife asked me that last Sunday. I told her it was my 4th and she was like, "Oh." LOL

I'm 27. I had my first at 21. I don't think it's that big of a deal, but I guess people are having kids at older ages more often now and also having fewer kids.

[Calladona]

I get that question too.  I'm nearly 32 and on my fourth child.  I wasn't even "that young" with my first at 27.  And I know I don't look young - I don't get carded anymore.

My favorite is "don't you know how that happens?"  Ahem, yes.

I hate comments on belly size.  Can't you just say the belly looks great?  Not huge?  Not tiny?  Just great?

[Calladona]

Oh yeah and the other dumb comment I got with my first "Don't be a hero."  Really burned when I thought back on it later after my c-section.

[bmcneal]

When I was fairly pregnant with DS, my second/first VBAC, about 38 weeks, my mom started telling me how some people never go into labor, and how I should start thinking about that I'd probably need a c-section. I went to 41 weeks, 5 days before he was born, and every. single. day. my mom would call and tell me that.   

Originally Posted by pokeyAC 

I haven't gotten any weird questions since I've been pregnant, but we did get some weird questions when we told people we wanted to have a baby.  Like Sphinxy, I am also married to a woman.  A few people asked us if we were going to adopt.  Adoption is wonderful, but my reproductive organs still work just fine, and I have always wanted to have a baby myself.  We were asked if we were going to do IVF.  It's really much simpler than that.  We only needed help getting the sperm where it needs to go.  Someone asked if I was going to have sex with a man.  This was the rudest and dumbest.  The lesbian and married parts kind of exclude having sex with a man.  There are many other ways to get pregnant.  Most of these things I thought were pretty funny and they didn't bother me.  The adoption question bothered me a little, especially because one person thought we should adopt so that the baby would not be biologically related to either of us as opposed to only being related to one of us with the other having no bio connection.  They also asked DW what the baby would be to her.

Of the (very few) lesbian couples I know, the couple that I know wanted/were trying for a baby, that was how they were going to do it. Not that I would ever have the gall or be so nosy to ask, but... I can see how that would (could) be something someone might wonder. (More appropriately to themselves, never to ask!)

This time, I had to call my OB to reschedule, and they ended up being *very* rude and unprofessional with me, so I decided that (along with various other things) was a valid reason to change my care provider. (Part of the reason they were rude to me was because I wasn't "following their schedule" and would have to go a whole SIX WEEKS without being seen.) The last visit had been good, everything checked out, and I was still doing well, feeling movement regularly, etc. I was frustrated, so when I hung up the phone, I said, "Oh my gosh! They were *so* rude to me! Like it's the end of the world if I miss *one* appointment. Women have been having babies for centuries, and not always had that regular of care." My mom's response? "Yeah, and a lot of those babies died." Gee, thanks. That time, I was able to tell her I was tired of her negativity before I walked out.

[NTnaturalist]

 bmcneal...that website is brilliant.

[erigeron]

I thought any questions from a total stranger were inappropriate. I work retail and got so fed up with being interrogated by everybody (even the basic questions--when are you due, boy or girl, etc. etc.). If we don't even know each other, my body and family are none of your business! Why do you get to quiz me about them just because my status is visible on my front? If I was chatting with somebody for a few minutes and then they asked I didn't mind, but I minded the interrogation. Now I don't ask pregnant clerks or anyone in a customer service role about their pregnancy. 

[dayiscoming2006]

Originally Posted by erigeron 

 Now I don't ask pregnant clerks or anyone in a customer service role about their pregnancy. 

Yeah, I've never asked anyone in their work environment or that I didn't at least chit chat with for a little, about their pregnancy. I feel like I do have more of an in since I am currently pregnant depending on the situation and if it feel appropriate. Like at church and stuff. I accidentally suggested someone's tummy looked small, but I see it as a compliment and then remembered what you all said and added that it was probably just the particular outfit. She said she had a dress she had tried on that morning that made her look huge. Oh and I did ask if she knew what she was having, but added in the if you are finding out. She said it was a surprise. Guess surprise babies are becoming more trendy. LOL

I tried it once and an ultrasound tech spoiled the news like a month or less before my second boy was born. I didn't have the patience with the next 2 at all. Though this little girl almost hid out on me. 

[A2JC4life]

Originally Posted by erigeron 

I thought any questions from a total stranger were inappropriate. I work retail and got so fed up with being interrogated by everybody (even the basic questions--when are you due, boy or girl, etc. etc.). If we don't even know each other, my body and family are none of your business! Why do you get to quiz me about them just because my status is visible on my front? If I was chatting with somebody for a few minutes and then they asked I didn't mind, but I minded the interrogation. Now I don't ask pregnant clerks or anyone in a customer service role about their pregnancy. 

I think there's a difference between a random store clerk you see once, and a regular worker at a place you frequent, too.  I mean, we shop at the same grocery store all the time, so we see the SAME cashiers over and over.  By now, we know little bits about them, and they even recognize me if I show up dressed up and without my kids.  Although I wouldn't consider them my best buds or something, I feel like we have enough of a relationship to keep it from being weird to ask them basic questions about a pregnancy.

Honestly, though, I'm pretty hard to offend.  People's apparent intent makes a much bigger difference to me.  If they seem to mean well, then unless it's an EXCEPTIONALLY stupid or rude question, I don't think anything of it.

One thing I think is really strange, that I've never had actually happen to me, is that strangers will rub a pregnant woman's belly.  I can't imagine doing that to a stranger!  And I hear it happens all the time.  But I must put off a "don't mess with me" vibe or something, because I'm 7 mos. pregnant with my fourth baby, and I've never, ever had that happen.  (Even friends won't touch my belly.  They've commented on wanting to - and, honestly, with my friends, I'd be glad for them to - but no one has.)

[here we are]

Originally Posted by AshleeRose 

"Is this your first baby?" - pretty harmless question, but I hate the look I get when I say it's my third. I'm 30 but people always think I'm a bit younger than that. I had my first at 24...not THAT young, seriously. Plus I want a big family!

Originally Posted by AshleeRose 

"Is this your first baby?" - pretty harmless question, but I hate the look I get when I say it's my third. I'm 30 but people always think I'm a bit younger than that. I had my first at 24...not THAT young, seriously. Plus I want a big family!

This really frustrates me too, plus every time i call my midwives afterhours the person who answers the phone asks EVERY TIME. I wonder why they do that? It really upset me when i got asked by a doula group i was looking into. I said, " I hope so". What does this question mean? For me, i.think of my loses from past pregnancies. And it really brings up what is a "baby". I guess its not helpful.for me to have others decide what to call.whats happening inside me. After my loses, i really had a hard time owning the word "baby", & feeling like i never got to the point of getting to be have one. Pregnancy redefines a lot for me, everyday.