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Things never to ask a pregnant woman - Page 3

post #41 of 110
Quote:
Originally Posted by A2JC4life View Post


I think there's a difference between a random store clerk you see once, and a regular worker at a place you frequent, too.  I mean, we shop at the same grocery store all the time, so we see the SAME cashiers over and over.  By now, we know little bits about them, and they even recognize me if I show up dressed up and without my kids.  Although I wouldn't consider them my best buds or something, I feel like we have enough of a relationship to keep it from being weird to ask them basic questions about a pregnancy.

Honestly, though, I'm pretty hard to offend.  People's apparent intent makes a much bigger difference to me.  If they seem to mean well, then unless it's an EXCEPTIONALLY stupid or rude question, I don't think anything of it.


One thing I think is really strange, that I've never had actually happen to me, is that strangers will rub a pregnant woman's belly.  I can't imagine doing that to a stranger!  And I hear it happens all the time.  But I must put off a "don't mess with me" vibe or something, because I'm 7 mos. pregnant with my fourth baby, and I've never, ever had that happen.  (Even friends won't touch my belly.  They've commented on wanting to - and, honestly, with my friends, I'd be glad for them to - but no one has.)
I once thought about what i would do if that happened-a stranger touching my belly! I was angry just thinking about it &decided i would immediately call 911. I hope it never happens b/c it would stress me out& i wouldnt want to call 911. Its just so not ok with me.
post #42 of 110

Hahahaha, I am laughing so hard reading these! Best comment ever for me was when I was about 7 months into my first pregnancy with DS (now 4) - I was 29. I went with a friend to buy a bed off of Craigslist (DH was in another country at the time), and the owner was all "Oh wow, you totally remind of Juno" HAHAHAHA

 

um. yeah. wasn't Juno 16????

 

:)

post #43 of 110
Quote:
Originally Posted by here we are View Post


I once thought about what i would do if that happened-a stranger touching my belly! I was angry just thinking about it &decided i would immediately call 911. I hope it never happens b/c it would stress me out& i wouldnt want to call 911. Its just so not ok with me.

 

You shouldn't call 911 for a non-emergency. Just keep an eye out and if someone seems to be coming toward your belly, tell them no. That would kinda be like if you called 911 for someone grabbing on your shoulder to get your attention, unless they were hurting you and continuing to hurt you or something. I understand how it would make you feel though.

 

I'm on my fourth pregnancy and I don't think any stranger has ever touched my belly. 

post #44 of 110
Quote:
Originally Posted by A2JC4life View Post


I think there's a difference between a random store clerk you see once, and a regular worker at a place you frequent, too.  I mean, we shop at the same grocery store all the time, so we see the SAME cashiers over and over.  By now, we know little bits about them, and they even recognize me if I show up dressed up and without my kids.  Although I wouldn't consider them my best buds or something, I feel like we have enough of a relationship to keep it from being weird to ask them basic questions about a pregnancy.

 

So here was my situation--8 1/2 months pregnant, filling in at a store where I'd never worked before, interacting with people who I had never seen before and would probably never see again, and everybody in line quizzing me about my pregnancy. It got old really fast. I don't mind a question from one well-meaning stranger, but that's the problem with retail--if you, the customer, ask the clerk a question about her pregnancy, I can pretty much guarantee that is the 20th or 200th time today that she's been asked that exact question, and she was also asked that exact question 200 times yesterday and the day before and the day before.... Unless the clerk and the customer do have some sort of a relationship, I really think it's just intrusive on the part of the customer.

 

eta: clarity. I wouldn't have minded a question from a regular. Or even if I was chitchatting with someone for a few minutes and then they asked. I minded dealing with these people I had never met before in my life and half the conversations start with "Hi, I'm picking up for John Jones. Oh, when are you due? Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?" And since I can't be rude to customers and tell them to MYOB, I'm put in a position where I'm basically required to discuss my personal life all day with one complete stranger after another. Maybe some people wouldn't have minded it but that is somewhere in my top five ideas of h311. I am so thankful that now I'm the pharmacist instead of the technician and therefore don't typically have to talk to every patient, so if/when I'm pregnant again at least these comments will be a little less frequent. 


Edited by erigeron - 3/11/13 at 1:22pm
post #45 of 110

This isn't a "things not to ask" but can I just vent anyway?

 

There is a guy I have to interact with occasionally at work.  Not often, maybe twice a month.  Every time I see him, he says the same thing "So, still drinking beer I see. chuckle, chuckle."  It wasn't funny the first time when my belly had a "beer belly-esq." look, and it sure as heck ain't funny the 10th time 4 months later.  I would love to throttle him for many work related reasons, this non-work related one is just too much!  Too bad he's in a senior management role, although not directly in my group, and I have to try to stay on his good side...

post #46 of 110

nstewart - Aren't office politics awful? I wish there were a way to call him out on being a jerk without jeopardizing your relationship with him, but I know from my own experiences that sometimes that's just not possible with obnoxious senior managers. If you don't feel like you can be direct with him, is it terrible to suggest playing into a pregnant woman stereotype and starting to/pretending to cry? He would certainly feel like an ass then, but it's not necessarily consequence-free for you. How annoying! 

post #47 of 110

I'm too early for comments this time around but I remember a couple of my favorites last time around

 

my dad actually gave me the old line "you look like you're about to POP!" like more times that I can remember when I was about 7 months.  I love my dad but this comment even made my mom cringe.

 

We kept my sons sex a surprise and I remember a clerk at Walgreens asking me what we were having.  When I said we didn't know she literally said "but...then how will you decorate?"  she was really really concerned.  I had to keep myself from bursting out laughing and just said "there are lots of colors in the rainbow" and walked away.  That seemed like an easier response than "this baby will not only not have a nursery but it will most likely be sleeping in our bed"

 

I don't remember anyone ever touching my belly uninvited.  I think I probably also give off a vibe that does not welcome such an intrusion but if I ever noticed someone coming at me with that intent I would likely just back away and cover my belly with my own hands. It's so hard for me to imagine what would be going through someone's mind to make that kind of personal space violation okay.

post #48 of 110
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sphinxy View Post

nstewart - Aren't office politics awful? I wish there were a way to call him out on being a jerk without jeopardizing your relationship with him, but I know from my own experiences that sometimes that's just not possible with obnoxious senior managers. If you don't feel like you can be direct with him, is it terrible to suggest playing into a pregnant woman stereotype and starting to/pretending to cry? He would certainly feel like an ass then, but it's not necessarily consequence-free for you. How annoying! 

Yes, so silly.  I actually did, sort of, kind of, get the chance last week.  I was giving a presentation to the group he supervises and of course when I arrived he made the hilarous joke.  Then, when introducing me to the group he proceeded to try to make it again by saying, "Don't worry, that's not all beer in that belly" or something like that, to which I responded, "Nope, and yet Bill still likes to make that joke every time he sees me."  Small victories. lol

 

I would never allow myself to cry or pretent to cry in front of him.  Another part of the politics of working with that particular group involves being pretty tough, especially with this particular guy and his one subordinate.  If I didn't they'd try to walk all over me 24/7.

post #49 of 110
Quote:
Originally Posted by ciga View Post

We kept my sons sex a surprise and I remember a clerk at Walgreens asking me what we were having.  When I said we didn't know she literally said "but...then how will you decorate?"  she was really really concerned.  I had to keep myself from bursting out laughing and just said "there are lots of colors in the rainbow" and walked away.  That seemed like an easier response than "this baby will not only not have a nursery but it will most likely be sleeping in our bed"

 

A couple of my friends have asked me that, and "How are you going to get the clothes/toys/etc???" I just tell them that we don't plan on having/getting that much stuff, and since they're friends, I tell them the baby will be sleeping with us/me, etc. But I find it kind of funny that people are all "How will you ever SURVIVE!?!" if you don't buy all the "necessities" like crib, bouncy seat, etc.

post #50 of 110
Quote:
Originally Posted by nstewart View Post

Yes, so silly.  I actually did, sort of, kind of, get the chance last week.  I was giving a presentation to the group he supervises and of course when I arrived he made the hilarous joke.  Then, when introducing me to the group he proceeded to try to make it again by saying, "Don't worry, that's not all beer in that belly" or something like that, to which I responded, "Nope, and yet Bill still likes to make that joke every time he sees me."  Small victories. lol

 

Well played!!

post #51 of 110
Quote:
Originally Posted by bmcneal View Post

 

A couple of my friends have asked me that, and "How are you going to get the clothes/toys/etc???" I just tell them that we don't plan on having/getting that much stuff, and since they're friends, I tell them the baby will be sleeping with us/me, etc. But I find it kind of funny that people are all "How will you ever SURVIVE!?!" if you don't buy all the "necessities" like crib, bouncy seat, etc.

 

We plan on not finding out either, and if we end up with a boy who has a pink car seat... well so what?! gah

post #52 of 110
Quote:
Originally Posted by ultrafighter View Post

 

We plan on not finding out either, and if we end up with a boy who has a pink car seat... well so what?! gah

 

Yes! And, it's not like there isn't a wealth of gender non-specific stuff out there. Honestly, I tend to like that better than the super "traditional" boy and girl stuff anyway. I've been playing with decorating and gear ideas for a while, making up little fake baby registries of my favorite stuff, and even though I am planning to find out the sex, I don't foresee the results having any impact on the stuff I want or buy.

post #53 of 110
We did have a nursery for DD and guess what? We painted it a vibrant green and hung pictures of animals. Seriously, the greatest way to make me run the other way when I'm shopping for DD is to make toys/linens, etc pink. You can totally tell which of her clothes are gifts: the pink ones! Lol. I just really don't like the pink/blue polarization... As mentioned above, there are so many colours in the rainbow joy.gif
post #54 of 110

Besides, even if you do know it's a boy or it's a girl, if you ever plan to have other children, you still might not want an obviously girly or obviously masculine nursery.  Ours is primary colors, because I never understood why it would make sense to paint a nursery in pastels when tiny babies can't see those colors well.  And now it's fun for the bigger kids to use as a playroom. :)
 

post #55 of 110
Quote:
Originally Posted by A2JC4life View Post

Besides, even if you do know it's a boy or it's a girl, if you ever plan to have other children, you still might not want an obviously girly or obviously masculine nursery.  Ours is primary colors, because I never understood why it would make sense to paint a nursery in pastels when tiny babies can't see those colors well.  And now it's fun for the bigger kids to use as a playroom. :)
 

The thing that gets me is when I see a high ticket item in a very gender-obvious color.  Like recently I saw a bright, bright pink probably $800 stroller being pushed down the sidewalk.  That's great if you only plan on having 1 and that's what you like, but are you going to want to use that for baby #2 if you have a boy??  If not, do you want to have to buy another stroller??  Even after DS was born, we tried to keep all our "gear" as gender neutral as possible (bounsy seat, pack n' play, exersaucer, etc. etc.) although I will say it is hard to find truly "gender neutral" items these days unless they are white.

post #56 of 110
Quote:
Originally Posted by nstewart View Post

although I will say it is hard to find truly "gender neutral" items these days unless they are white.
I guess I gravitate to the boys stuff then but I dont consider a jungle theme masculine, simply lively and fun. I completely agree about the big ticket stuff; people don't seem to think things through at times. Although a friend of mine did get a pink stroller set but won't hesitate to plunk a boy in there cuz thats simply the way they roll lol
post #57 of 110

Most of the things we have picked out are gender neutral.  Red stroller, Winnie the Pooh decorations in green, etc.  But with some things it was hard to find the item in colors that weren't pink or blue.  Maybe the store just had a smaller selection.  It was also annoying to see that things like grooming kits, thermometers, bottles and humidifiers come in pink or blue.  I really don't think the baby will ever care what color their humidifier is when they are sick.

post #58 of 110
I am pregnant with my second (DD is 6 1/2) and have a different sperm doner for this one (I call him that as he has been a complete JERK the whole time I've been pregnant.) I get the "well, you don't need anymore children now because a nother Baby Daddy would make you look trashy." Excuse me??? That is the worst and this person was lucky I didn't punch her in the face!
post #59 of 110
Quote:
Originally Posted by skycheattraffic View Post

Although a friend of mine did get a pink stroller set but won't hesitate to plunk a boy in there cuz thats simply the way they roll lol

 

Frugality after my own heart.

post #60 of 110
Quote:
Originally Posted by JennJenn84 View Post

I am pregnant with my second (DD is 6 1/2) and have a different sperm doner for this one (I call him that as he has been a complete JERK the whole time I've been pregnant.) I get the "well, you don't need anymore children now because a nother Baby Daddy would make you look trashy." Excuse me??? That is the worst and this person was lucky I didn't punch her in the face!

w.o.w. jaw2.gif

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